embraced2000

fdm.....hmmmmm......thanks for the laugh....needed that

embraced2000

glass....believe me, i understand what a living hell it is....i was at the receiving end of his disease. it was just as much hell for me and the numerous people that loved him so much.

i'm glad you made it. truly.

sometimes, like now, i struggle with the actions of the alcoholic towards people they love. alcoholism is no excuse for the treatment they give to others....jmho tonight.

Zoey

I do believe change gets their attention, when the bitch, loud mouth, nasty wife, just shuts up and goes about life with a smile, it gets their attention, big time.
Any change in the wife of course they look for a boy friend that is putting ideas into her head, or the minister The wife is never to change.
Mine was senitive to body language. When we are really angry it shows in our body as well as voice.
Seems strange, but A's are extremely sensitive. I seldom became extremely angry when my hubby was underfoot, but the few times I was really angry, he shaped up fast, and I said nothing.

Sorry, GlassPrisoner, I am an A, high bottom, Did you ever think that someone was putting ideas into the wife's head.?
Sorta a male female thing first with the alcohol mixed in??

embraced2000

zoey....for the past two years, i have been so calm with him, kind, compassionate, understanding....with just occassional outbursts of things like....that's it, i've had enough.

i don't recall ever speaking to him like i did today, cause it isn't in my nature, (oh really???...some of you may be asking)....mainly because i have loved him so much. my heart was always breaking for him and his disease.

today, something just snapped big time.....and now i regret blowing my serenity.

tomorrow is another day.

mazey

Now, Embraced, don't start feeling bad for what you said, that may have hurt his feelings or now feels uncompassionate, unkind. Stay strong. I know the few times I'd fire up, I felt badly afterwards for acting like that. I'd feel remorseful for saying hurtful things. We can not always keep our mouths shut, and turn the other cheek-so to speak. Don't ya feel a little cleansed? I know it is not in our recovery to lash out, but it was a "slip". OR, maybe it just had to happen this time for you to get it out and be done with it!
Maybe, he won't call back.....or if he does, you've said your piece and can now maybe just hang up and let it be. Your letter earlier this week was awesome. I, too, have a hard time accepting bad behavior blamed on alcohol. I do think, like we agreed a couple weeks ago, some are just crappy, not entirely related to alcohol. There are "crappy" out there!

embraced2000

yeah mazey, a few days ago i was lovingly placing his memories on an imaginary ship and setting it ablaze like the vikings and sending it into the sea....today, if given half the chance, i would have put him on a blazing ship and sent it off.

i'm so angry, i think because of the fear of him dying too soon, or never making it, or that i still love him so deeply. i know my words did not match my heart about him.....he is just so damn frustrating....i want him to get it so badly and be us again. i want my marriage. i want my tommy. i want my husband. i want the love of my life back. i want the man back.

serenity prayer. serenity prayer. serenity prayer. it can not be worn out.

love to you
jeri

mazey

hahahah, a blazing ship. Actually, I got a tickle out of that in your letter. I think I put that in my interpretaion of what I would have written some days.
It is just so hard to keep the focus some days. You'll be fine...you ARE fine!
serenity prayer.....

Janitw

HA Ha HA... Jeri this was so funny - the things you come up with are great...here's for ya to use: The next pity party he wants to throw ?? Tell him to pull himself down off the cross, build a bridge with the wood from it and get the &*$# over it.....

Love ya,
Janit

embraced2000

well, this morning i woke up to a shattered front office door. i live where i work and my office is an extension of my apt, seperated by a wall with a regular inside door. the office doors are big double glass doors. the glass had been shot with a nail gun....so the police think....they found the nails outside and it had shot the glass twelve feet into my office.

i'm awaiting the security techs to watch the discs of last nights activities...

guess i'm best to just keep my sarcastic, angry mouth shut to him.

course, i'm projecting here....but he does work construction and has a nail gun???????

the disc will tell.

jeri

AllTooSober

OMG I'm glad that's all that happened, whether it was him or not! Do you feel safe staying in your home?

embraced2000

i used to feel real safe....false sense of security....whoever did this could have just walked right through the door and into my home. nothing was taken, or bothered....so police don't think robbery was the motive.

and my dog never barked.....and i never heard a thing.

so....i'm now having two deadbolts installed on my apt. door that leads from the office.....i used to feel so safe here.....it is a business, and i felt like i was in a fortress when i closed up.....just goes to show that locked doors just keep honest folk out.

Missy

You Go Girl!

lilac

Be safe ! ! I will be thinking and praying about you.

mallowcup

I think the dog not barking implies that it was someone he knows. Your recovery may be about to leap forward big time. Please let us know what the disc reveals. The police were just there so I'm sure they are as curious as you are. I'm glad you are safe!

mazey

OMG, is there no end? Do ya really think he would do that? Guess there always is a possibility! Nuts! Hope you can find an answer, and rest peaceful tonight...

mallowcup

I think it is important for you to view the disc.

embraced2000

security tech and police just left after viewing the surveillance disc....the shot came from the highway. they are now thinking it was a pellet gun drive by.....absolutley no cars or people around the doors. so that is still disturbing, but not as disturbing to think it may have been xah.

probably some kids.

i'm never gonna talk bad to anyone ever again. at least i will try. instead of talking trash to someone that is already disturbed, i'll just rant and rave to myself, and be done with it.

i'm plum wore out.....it's hard being mad. and then the freaky aftermath i had with door.....it's like someone up above was trying to get my attention, maybe????? and here was the message....settle down, hush your mouth, and work your program....leave the rest to me....i got it covered.

jeri

LaTeeDa

Journaling helped me so much. I had so much anger pent up in me, even though I regularly expressed to him, LOL. So, as I felt it well up, I got out my "book of anger" and wrote it all down. You should see that notebook. So many CAPITAL LETTERS and !!!!!!!!!!!. It really helped to get it out. And no one got hurt.

It's okay and normal to be angry. It's what you do with it that matters....

Just a thought,

L

Juana-be

Just curious... How did he respond?
Did he get a word in?