Felt so strong and now I feel like I am dying
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 156
Felt so strong and now I feel like I am dying
I am here at my parents house with love from the family which is awesome and I am grateful. I am grateful for my family, love, friends, being together.
I have not heard from my ex AH in two weeks except for a Christmas gift that he sent with out a card or anything. I used to watch my cell phone (obsessively)for calls and texts from him because I didn't want to miss them. Since I have been here (Moms) I have made a point to keep the phone put away and immerse myself with family, I was doing really well with it all. I turned the phone on silent so I wouldn't be bothered while opening presents. I missed my ex AH call. He has the number to my Moms house so I guess he could call the land line. He didn't. I just hate how I am crushed and hurt and sad. I hate that I let him have that effect on me. He said on the phone "he it is me, I really wanted to talk to you...." In all of our time together he never wanted to "talk". He is in London visiting family, I am in the states. He sounded sober and happy. I am so sad. I am hurting sooo bad.
My little sister had a college friend over that I do not really know and I have to go to my room to cry...AHHHHHH!
I have not heard from my ex AH in two weeks except for a Christmas gift that he sent with out a card or anything. I used to watch my cell phone (obsessively)for calls and texts from him because I didn't want to miss them. Since I have been here (Moms) I have made a point to keep the phone put away and immerse myself with family, I was doing really well with it all. I turned the phone on silent so I wouldn't be bothered while opening presents. I missed my ex AH call. He has the number to my Moms house so I guess he could call the land line. He didn't. I just hate how I am crushed and hurt and sad. I hate that I let him have that effect on me. He said on the phone "he it is me, I really wanted to talk to you...." In all of our time together he never wanted to "talk". He is in London visiting family, I am in the states. He sounded sober and happy. I am so sad. I am hurting sooo bad.
My little sister had a college friend over that I do not really know and I have to go to my room to cry...AHHHHHH!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
merry christmas nochoice
hon, my ex affects me the same way. i can be sooooo "ok", and then a contact from him sends me spiraling into that hellish pit of misery.
i never found an effective way to handle it, except absolutely no contact of any kind. because things haven't changed for him. it would only be a repeat of the thousands of times that we tried it one more time.
i understand.....try to have a better day.
love to you
jeri
hon, my ex affects me the same way. i can be sooooo "ok", and then a contact from him sends me spiraling into that hellish pit of misery.
i never found an effective way to handle it, except absolutely no contact of any kind. because things haven't changed for him. it would only be a repeat of the thousands of times that we tried it one more time.
i understand.....try to have a better day.
love to you
jeri
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: asia
Posts: 45
Hugs. Gosh sometimes I hate alcoholics. I hate my alkies because I loved them so deeply.... And they give so inconsistently... and I am an addict for that crap....boomerang the hate back to me Ughhh!
Double hug and empathy. ... But must say super job with the phone off and concentrating on your family at hand. Its these baby steps at setting our boundaries that will save us yet!
Double hug and empathy. ... But must say super job with the phone off and concentrating on your family at hand. Its these baby steps at setting our boundaries that will save us yet!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hey there nochoice, I'm so sorry you are hurting today. I understand that pain cuz I went thru that too when my marriage broke up. It is truly awful.
I think you are doing exactly the right thing by keeping the phone off and being close to your family. You will get thru this pain just like all the rest of us have, and you will be stronger and have a much better life. I thought my pain would never end, but it did, and quickly too.
Know that we are all here for you, and that I am praying for you and your family.
Mike
I think you are doing exactly the right thing by keeping the phone off and being close to your family. You will get thru this pain just like all the rest of us have, and you will be stronger and have a much better life. I thought my pain would never end, but it did, and quickly too.
Know that we are all here for you, and that I am praying for you and your family.
Mike
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 156
Nothing changes, nothing changes
Well he called back. More lies. It is so much easier when he lies. I am still funky and sad but back into r eality of what is happening, thinking with my head not my heart. I have to remember to take the emotion out of it. That is so much easier to do when I do not talk to him. He said on the phone that maybe he does have PTSD from overseas duty. Still doesn't see the drinking as an issue. I told him I loved him and I wanted him to be happy but that while he continued to make the choices that he has been making, I can't stand there and watch and have life pass me by miserably, emotional, sad and pained.
I write down the bad memories as I recall them and that is helpful so I don't forget...I have a good forgetter!
I went to a meeting and was reminded to pray for Gods will, not mine. I think that is what I will do. I don't know what is best, I don't have to. I just have to do the next right thing for me and surrender.
Thanks so much.
I write down the bad memories as I recall them and that is helpful so I don't forget...I have a good forgetter!
I went to a meeting and was reminded to pray for Gods will, not mine. I think that is what I will do. I don't know what is best, I don't have to. I just have to do the next right thing for me and surrender.
Thanks so much.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
As I was reading your first post, I was wondering how to type out what could be happening with his calls.
I see that by him calling back you figured it out.
Only until he is ready and willing, he will continue doing what he does.
His actions will show you when he changes. We are full of words and we will use them for ever ...till we seek solutions.
So sorry to see you go through this but so grateful to see that you are doing the right things to deal with it. I am not sure how much or if my wife doing the right things helped me find change but I am sure it helped her find peace.
Keep doing the next best thing and keep trusting in God.
I see that by him calling back you figured it out.
Only until he is ready and willing, he will continue doing what he does.
His actions will show you when he changes. We are full of words and we will use them for ever ...till we seek solutions.
So sorry to see you go through this but so grateful to see that you are doing the right things to deal with it. I am not sure how much or if my wife doing the right things helped me find change but I am sure it helped her find peace.
Keep doing the next best thing and keep trusting in God.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
Hugs. I am on my cell, so short and sweet, I just want to say I know how you are feeling. I have learned that to keep my heart in line with my head, I have to avoid speaking. Hearing from him makes me cry for a week! This works for now. Until we are divorced, I am just pretending he doesn't exist. Maybe later I can remember him. Take care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 156
Thanks and sorry you are in the same boat. I want to hear from him but I don't. It is an oxymoron. I keep hearing that silence is golden so that is what I am trying. Good luck to you. Thanks for the note.
Im not crazy and neither am I
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
What has been tough to do and may help you...and others
The holiday season is rough for people who arent addicts or alcoholics!
For us it is tough too. Everyone is different and so is everyone's family. People sober, stoned, NA or AA, in or out of the program have different circumstaces and stresses. One thing that I hope to be able to more of is live in the moment. This year I didnt see anyone but my aunt uncle cousin and her family. I cant remember the last time I saw them sober. They all know my past and my story and were really cool about it !
Another great thing that has happened in less than 2 weeks of sobriety. Actually, one of her extended family and her husband are in AA. My point being I surrounded myself w sober family and it was really cool. But I had expectations of how it would be. I was really surprized ! ;-))
There is an eastern philospophy called Taoism. I am not the philospher of the new millenium but it is something I was introduced to by one of my partying friends who I had started out with and he got sober about 5 years ago for the longest time so far.
One thing that I took from one of the books is " Have no expectations and you will not be dissappointed."
Basically, live in the moment.
I had expectations of the visit w a different part of my family based on past experiences (drunk and other) and of what it would be like since I had confessed my sins of drinking and drugging.....
It was no where what I had expected and I may just have landed a job in MD after a little time under my belt. The people I would be working for are in AA.
Miracles Happen
Happy Holidays
For us it is tough too. Everyone is different and so is everyone's family. People sober, stoned, NA or AA, in or out of the program have different circumstaces and stresses. One thing that I hope to be able to more of is live in the moment. This year I didnt see anyone but my aunt uncle cousin and her family. I cant remember the last time I saw them sober. They all know my past and my story and were really cool about it !
Another great thing that has happened in less than 2 weeks of sobriety. Actually, one of her extended family and her husband are in AA. My point being I surrounded myself w sober family and it was really cool. But I had expectations of how it would be. I was really surprized ! ;-))
There is an eastern philospophy called Taoism. I am not the philospher of the new millenium but it is something I was introduced to by one of my partying friends who I had started out with and he got sober about 5 years ago for the longest time so far.
One thing that I took from one of the books is " Have no expectations and you will not be dissappointed."
Basically, live in the moment.
I had expectations of the visit w a different part of my family based on past experiences (drunk and other) and of what it would be like since I had confessed my sins of drinking and drugging.....
It was no where what I had expected and I may just have landed a job in MD after a little time under my belt. The people I would be working for are in AA.
Miracles Happen
Happy Holidays
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
