sisterray

The other day, a place called to give J a job that he really wanted. It paid very well. But he is in jail right now. Didn't know what to say-told them he was working a temporary job out of town, wouldnt be back till march. They said they would keep his app. on the side and for him to call when he gets back. I told him this, and now he wants me to write them a letter for him thanking them for their consideration, how he has other commitments now, but wants them to keep him in mind. Then sign his name. Should I do this for him, or should I tell him that it is his stuff. He will get upset about that. But on the other hand, the job would really help us out. I know I lied in the first place, but couldnt bring myself to tell the place he was in jail. Lori

denny57

Is there a reason he can't write the letter himself? I'm not sure, but wouldn't he eventually have to tell them he was in jail when interviewing?

I would not lie for another over something so important.

Durango

They already said they would keep him in mind, so don't do anything more that will make YOU feel uncomfortable. When he gets out of jail, it will be his ACTIONS that will determine if he's going to take the opportunity to contact them, not his WORDS that he's asking YOU to write and send for him. He's got to want to go after it himself before it's going to "help your family". Try to be strong and believe that you did enough regarding this one.

sisterray

He can't write them from jail, because it would have the jails address. But I don't feel comfortable doing the letter for him. He can do something with it when he gets out, and if he lost it, then he lost it because of the things he did. He wants me to do it, and is trying to make me feel like if I dont then if he doesnt get the job, then it would be my fault for not helping him for the good of the family. I know this is bs, but Im just not looking forward to telling him that. He will have to deal with it. He really blows sometimes. But I just told my 10 year old who is having problems with a friend that I wouldnt call the friends mom and make it work out. That he would have to deal with his friend, and I was there to listen to him. Kind of the same thing. I wont fix this for J either. He will have to deal with what he has done, and this is a good consequence. Thanks for the input! It helped. Lori

sisterray

Does he have to tell employers he was in jail? It was for disorderly conduct and drinking on probation. So not a felony or anything. Just wondering. He has lost so many jobs in the past two years that he has nothing good to put on a job application. So I don't know how he will ever get a job if he has to say he was in jail too. Guess its not my problem. Except it would be nice if he was able to bring some money into the house. Maybe the job center has counselors to help him with this. Other people in his situation must not remain unemployable forever, right?

denny57

One of my friends works at Home Depot, and yes there are people he works with who have been in jail. So it doesn't have to prevent someone from working. I think there are a lot of great programs out there. He will find the resources when he gets out. I believe you are on the right track with your thinking.

Have a great holiday!

sisterray

Thanks, its just so hard to let go of "helping" him. And he's come to expect it. He can stock shelves in a grocery store in the middle of the night or something. He is the one that lost the jobs. Sad thing is he lost them sober. This is what I have a hard time dealing with. He never lost jobs when he was drinking daily. Its the past two years when he goes months without that he gets this chip on his shoulder and mouths off at work and gets fired. So the moral is I guess that stopping the drinking doesent solve the problems. Lori (thanks again for your wise words!)