Can't sleep, my mind is ready to throw up!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Mr C. I am going to suggest to you what was suggested to me. After my divorce and then a not so good relationship, my sponsor suggested that I take a FULL YEAR and live by myself and NOT BE INVOLVED with ANYONE. WTF? Well, she was a very wise lady, so I decided to follow her direction.
She did go on to explain, that i SHOULD TAKE THAT YEAR AND DO NOTHING BUT WORK ON MY INSIDES. It seems that what I was attracted to and what was attracted to me what was my insides were presenting to the outside world.
It took me longer than a year, but what I did find out, as that I worked on me and really looked at and analyzed my own past behaviors and the types of people drawn to me I was able to change my thinking and my attitude. This apparently started to show on the outside and I seemed to be making friends that insides (more peace and serenity) that matched my own. I started to LIKE ME.
Yes, it took me a while but I did figure out that whatever turmoil I had going on on the inside was they type of person I attracted with the same types of turmoil.
Maybe, just maybe, Mr. C. you might benefit from a year of reflection on yourself. Looking at past relationships, and comparing them to the kind you would want to have. It is not that long since your divorce, and it was a very traumatic experience. You are still on the rebound. Might do yourself a world of good to be alone with you and LEARN TO REALLY LIKE YOU.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
She did go on to explain, that i SHOULD TAKE THAT YEAR AND DO NOTHING BUT WORK ON MY INSIDES. It seems that what I was attracted to and what was attracted to me what was my insides were presenting to the outside world.
It took me longer than a year, but what I did find out, as that I worked on me and really looked at and analyzed my own past behaviors and the types of people drawn to me I was able to change my thinking and my attitude. This apparently started to show on the outside and I seemed to be making friends that insides (more peace and serenity) that matched my own. I started to LIKE ME.
Yes, it took me a while but I did figure out that whatever turmoil I had going on on the inside was they type of person I attracted with the same types of turmoil.
Maybe, just maybe, Mr. C. you might benefit from a year of reflection on yourself. Looking at past relationships, and comparing them to the kind you would want to have. It is not that long since your divorce, and it was a very traumatic experience. You are still on the rebound. Might do yourself a world of good to be alone with you and LEARN TO REALLY LIKE YOU.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Still wish we had the Thanks button, yes, Laurie's advice is excellent. I always read her posts, so wise. Also always read denny's ,and jeri's, in fact you had excellet reply's from some great people.
You have made progress, you have insight, just try baby steps on changeing locations.
"We cannot think our way into right living, we have to live our way into right thinking" So that leads us to "Fake it till you make it"
You will come out OK Mr. C.
You have made progress, you have insight, just try baby steps on changeing locations.
"We cannot think our way into right living, we have to live our way into right thinking" So that leads us to "Fake it till you make it"
You will come out OK Mr. C.
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
All of you have written some great posts to me. I have thought about that year off Laurie l.
You know it’s been over 3 years of being alone here, in fact my 4th Christmas.
My 1st yr. was nothing but a lot of fear, terror and turmoil. But in fact it was never without some woman either a friend or otherwise around.
You know I meet people and they say they can’t figure out why I’m not with someone by now, and I’m wondering the same thing.
I’ve seen mistakes I’ve made. I’ve seen how I’ve jumped too fast or too high to reach the wrong thing.
I’ve also seen how I let some good things go when I was too blind to see them.
I went to my Mom’s last night; yes she is my 1st qualifier. It was ok, but still after all this time I have trouble staying there for very long.
My Grandmother who is in a convalescent hospital is an “A” also.
I saw her last week but she is so far-gone that she talks about seeing her dead sister.
It’s very hard for me to spend any time with either of them and as far as feelings go I feel pretty empty around them.
So I wake this morning and it really does not seem like Christmas. It’s just another day for me. I really do miss the family Christmas with my wife and stepson. The tree and decorations. The big meals and sharing the season.
You know Im not sure what I need or want right now. I do know I hate being alone. That seems to be the main thing. It’s not like I could just find a meeting just to be with some people , it’s deeper then that.
When I mean alone I mean without that person that loves me and I can share things with. That bond that only you have with another, the unspoken attachment and warmth.
I think you all know what I mean.
I really want that again. It seems very far off at this point.
So maybe I do need to step back on things. In fact it seems I really have no other choice in the matter.
You know it’s been over 3 years of being alone here, in fact my 4th Christmas.
My 1st yr. was nothing but a lot of fear, terror and turmoil. But in fact it was never without some woman either a friend or otherwise around.
You know I meet people and they say they can’t figure out why I’m not with someone by now, and I’m wondering the same thing.
I’ve seen mistakes I’ve made. I’ve seen how I’ve jumped too fast or too high to reach the wrong thing.
I’ve also seen how I let some good things go when I was too blind to see them.
I went to my Mom’s last night; yes she is my 1st qualifier. It was ok, but still after all this time I have trouble staying there for very long.
My Grandmother who is in a convalescent hospital is an “A” also.
I saw her last week but she is so far-gone that she talks about seeing her dead sister.
It’s very hard for me to spend any time with either of them and as far as feelings go I feel pretty empty around them.
So I wake this morning and it really does not seem like Christmas. It’s just another day for me. I really do miss the family Christmas with my wife and stepson. The tree and decorations. The big meals and sharing the season.
You know Im not sure what I need or want right now. I do know I hate being alone. That seems to be the main thing. It’s not like I could just find a meeting just to be with some people , it’s deeper then that.
When I mean alone I mean without that person that loves me and I can share things with. That bond that only you have with another, the unspoken attachment and warmth.
I think you all know what I mean.
I really want that again. It seems very far off at this point.
So maybe I do need to step back on things. In fact it seems I really have no other choice in the matter.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
mr c....merry christmas
i understand those alone feelings....i look for validation that i am worthy of being loved...that being, in the form of male attention. i want to hurry up and set the stage to match the fantasy in my head. so i rush into things, hand all my power over to my partner, and then proceed to be severly dissappointed and dissilluisioned.
that's what i do. that's what i 'm trying not to do again. that's why i haven't made eye contact with a male since last may.
well, i did have that one lunch date with that old, old man....lol
i know how difficult it is to be alone.....i'm striving towards the day that altho i am alone, i am not lonely.
our day will come, mr.c.....just you wait and see. you have wonderful things ahead for you.
love to you
jeri
i understand those alone feelings....i look for validation that i am worthy of being loved...that being, in the form of male attention. i want to hurry up and set the stage to match the fantasy in my head. so i rush into things, hand all my power over to my partner, and then proceed to be severly dissappointed and dissilluisioned.
that's what i do. that's what i 'm trying not to do again. that's why i haven't made eye contact with a male since last may.
well, i did have that one lunch date with that old, old man....lol
i know how difficult it is to be alone.....i'm striving towards the day that altho i am alone, i am not lonely.
our day will come, mr.c.....just you wait and see. you have wonderful things ahead for you.
love to you
jeri
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Merry Christmas Jerri,
God everything you said in the 1st paragraph I relate to.
So getting out of it is different. I just now know that where I'm at right now is not where I want to be.
God everything you said in the 1st paragraph I relate to.
So getting out of it is different. I just now know that where I'm at right now is not where I want to be.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hi there Mr. C,
You have got some very wise replies here... I agree with what has been shared. Just remember that it's worth waiting for something better, oh how I hate those words, but they are true. We all want our hurts to go away...now, or at least tomorrow!
The rewards of finding 'yourself' far outweigh the pain of waiting and being lonely. How many here have been through the pain of breakups and divorces as you have... and all are such wonderful people too, like yourself.
I like what was shared by Laurie about working on the insides, and also what Joi said about having someone help you with 'pickin' but maybe a same gender accountability partner would be helpful too. You can always follow your own heart and mind after running something by people here and in f2f relationships too... but when others who care about me share I need to listen.
I believe you will find that special person...she will be special so she is harder to find!! Look wisely. She will also be someone hopefully who is looking as carefully as you are... My prayers are for you to find that happiness and fulfillment!
hugs,
cmc
You have got some very wise replies here... I agree with what has been shared. Just remember that it's worth waiting for something better, oh how I hate those words, but they are true. We all want our hurts to go away...now, or at least tomorrow!
The rewards of finding 'yourself' far outweigh the pain of waiting and being lonely. How many here have been through the pain of breakups and divorces as you have... and all are such wonderful people too, like yourself.
I like what was shared by Laurie about working on the insides, and also what Joi said about having someone help you with 'pickin' but maybe a same gender accountability partner would be helpful too. You can always follow your own heart and mind after running something by people here and in f2f relationships too... but when others who care about me share I need to listen.
I believe you will find that special person...she will be special so she is harder to find!! Look wisely. She will also be someone hopefully who is looking as carefully as you are... My prayers are for you to find that happiness and fulfillment!
hugs,
cmc
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: texas
Posts: 35
Merry Christmas,
Can't add anymore than what the others have already posted but there are lots of us out here that feel the same way also do not like being alone with the feeling of family and having that special someone to share everything with. ...But we must work on ourselves which I am currently doing before taking that step to decide to let someone else in.
Yes, I agree it is worth waiting for something. Yes, some of us still like the romance, do not get offended with someone opening the door for us, etc and someone us do wait and do not get involved into a sexual/serious relationship until the time is right because we are waiting for that someone special and/or we have respect for ourselves to not settle.
Keep your head up and when you least expect it the right person will come along and know you are not alone, we are here for you also.
Doubletime
Can't add anymore than what the others have already posted but there are lots of us out here that feel the same way also do not like being alone with the feeling of family and having that special someone to share everything with. ...But we must work on ourselves which I am currently doing before taking that step to decide to let someone else in.
Yes, I agree it is worth waiting for something. Yes, some of us still like the romance, do not get offended with someone opening the door for us, etc and someone us do wait and do not get involved into a sexual/serious relationship until the time is right because we are waiting for that someone special and/or we have respect for ourselves to not settle.
Keep your head up and when you least expect it the right person will come along and know you are not alone, we are here for you also.
Doubletime
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
When I mean alone I mean without that person that loves me and I can share things with. That bond that only you have with another, the unspoken attachment and warmth.
I think you all know what I mean.
I think you all know what I mean.
Once I got to know me, and lived alone WITH ME long enough to not only like myself, but LOVE MYSELF, not only did the concept become possible it happened.
Thus, I have to say, even though you have been alone, I believe you have hated it the whole time, you have not yet learned about you, and how to like and love yourself.
When it no longer becomes A NEED to desparately have someone 'on your arm' then, and only then a WHOLE NEW WORLD opens up to us.
For each of us it happens at a different age, for me I was about 50 years old, and I can honestly say that I have LOVE in my life today that I never in a million years would have believed was possible.
You my dear friend have been through a lot of TURMOIL these last 3 to 4 years. You are still in REBOUND mode. How about sitting back, getting to really know yourself, getting to liking your own company (in essence getting to really like and love yourself) and then slowly stepping back out into the world being open for anything. I guarantee you will be extremely surprised at how your life will change.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
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