My uncle
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Bronx, NY
Posts: 412
My uncle
So my uncle is in some court-ordered rehab for 18-months or something. Like my ex, he's been in every rehab in the book his whole life, and he was always the same insane lunatic every time I saw him, even when he was supposedly sober. So that's what I was expecting tonight. A fraction of the man I remember when I was young-- incredibly handsome, charming, funny. He was always "bad," but it used to be mischievous and fun. Then eventually it became dangerous and out of control.
We had a "Christmas" tonight at my grandma's house with him and his gf since the rehab place doesn't let them out on the actual holidays. And he looked AMAZING. And he was clear- talking to him was so great. We started talking about recovery and taking care of yourself first, whether you're an addict or not, and learning how to retain your personal power. My mom, who is so defensive, just can't grasp those concepts and resents someone removing themselves from an unhealthy situation because how dare they have a superiority complex? As I was listening to him explain I thought- damn, he really gets it this time. He never lost his temper or flew off the handle- this is someone who has been to countless Anger Management sessions.
We talked alone outside at one point, and he was saying that a lot of the things about my family that bother me are also real triggers for him. He understood me! I felt so validated to hear he had the same experiences with them... He turned to drugs and I chose unhealthy relationships and learned helplessness. But a lot of the causes are the same. We kind of bonded tonight and when he came in the house my grandma said he told her, "D is ok. Me and D are ok." I told him about my ex and he thinks he knows him and he gave me sound advice. He said no one's a bigger con man than himself and not to fall for the recovery BS my ex tries to pull. He also said, "I know I'm getting better but if this guy's bothering you, all I gotta do is make one phone call." LOL- I know that's not recovery-approved but it was kinda funny and nice to know someone might have my back! Fortunately Rich isn't the kind of guy with whom I'd ever need to utilize such a phonecall.
Anyway, if you guys knew how my uncle was you'd know how meaningful tonight was. I really hope it lasts this time for him. His gf is sketchy and now she wants to go to Al Anon. He has Hep C now. But it showed me that there is hope. I always say I have no hope for my ex. But I DEFINITELY gave up hope on my uncle years ago. And I saw a different person tonight.
Just thought I'd share a positive story for a change, to bring hope to those who feel there is none, like I often do. I guess it's true- as long as there's a heartbeat, there is hope.
We had a "Christmas" tonight at my grandma's house with him and his gf since the rehab place doesn't let them out on the actual holidays. And he looked AMAZING. And he was clear- talking to him was so great. We started talking about recovery and taking care of yourself first, whether you're an addict or not, and learning how to retain your personal power. My mom, who is so defensive, just can't grasp those concepts and resents someone removing themselves from an unhealthy situation because how dare they have a superiority complex? As I was listening to him explain I thought- damn, he really gets it this time. He never lost his temper or flew off the handle- this is someone who has been to countless Anger Management sessions.
We talked alone outside at one point, and he was saying that a lot of the things about my family that bother me are also real triggers for him. He understood me! I felt so validated to hear he had the same experiences with them... He turned to drugs and I chose unhealthy relationships and learned helplessness. But a lot of the causes are the same. We kind of bonded tonight and when he came in the house my grandma said he told her, "D is ok. Me and D are ok." I told him about my ex and he thinks he knows him and he gave me sound advice. He said no one's a bigger con man than himself and not to fall for the recovery BS my ex tries to pull. He also said, "I know I'm getting better but if this guy's bothering you, all I gotta do is make one phone call." LOL- I know that's not recovery-approved but it was kinda funny and nice to know someone might have my back! Fortunately Rich isn't the kind of guy with whom I'd ever need to utilize such a phonecall.
Anyway, if you guys knew how my uncle was you'd know how meaningful tonight was. I really hope it lasts this time for him. His gf is sketchy and now she wants to go to Al Anon. He has Hep C now. But it showed me that there is hope. I always say I have no hope for my ex. But I DEFINITELY gave up hope on my uncle years ago. And I saw a different person tonight.
Just thought I'd share a positive story for a change, to bring hope to those who feel there is none, like I often do. I guess it's true- as long as there's a heartbeat, there is hope.
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