Where are you, Richard, why can't I find you?
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Where are you, Richard, why can't I find you?
I fear the end is near and the man I love with all my heart has given up on life and is quietly slipping away. I haven't heard from Richard in two weeks. Not a single word. Neither have his friends, his brother, his sister, or his ex-wife--all the people who love and cherish him.
Two weeks ago, he turned off his phone. I've left him several messages, but he won't return my calls. Nor will he answer the door. Collectively, we've considered calling the police and asking them to check on him, but the resident manager in his apartment complex says she sees him stumbling out of the building on occassion, perhaps to fetch something to eat or buy some booze.
It's a terrible thing to be unable to find someone when you know exactly where they are. It's a terrible thing to recognize their body, but find their spirit is missing. It's a terrible thing to watch them become frail and wither away. It's a terrible thing to watch someone choose death who could just as easily choose life. It's a terrible thing to think Richard feels unworthy and unloved when he is cherished beyond measure.
But this is the way Richard has chosen to live out his life. And this is the way he has apparently chosen to end it. Alone and in silence. In many ways, I wish I could be beside him to hold his hand and tell him for the millionth time that I love him, to place his hand lovingly in God's hand when the time comes. But in other ways I'm grateful that my last vision of him won't be watching him suffer, but rather a warm hand on my knee, a sweet smile, and a gentle kiss good bye.
I pray for him every night. I ask God to take care of him and selfishly ask Him to take away Richard's pain and to heal him so I can have more time with him. But sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone you love is to let them go.
So tonight, instead of asking God to heal him, I'll ask God to bring him peace in whatever form He deems is best and release him from his addiction.
This holiday season I wish my beloved Richard and all those who struggle with addiction peace.
Two weeks ago, he turned off his phone. I've left him several messages, but he won't return my calls. Nor will he answer the door. Collectively, we've considered calling the police and asking them to check on him, but the resident manager in his apartment complex says she sees him stumbling out of the building on occassion, perhaps to fetch something to eat or buy some booze.
It's a terrible thing to be unable to find someone when you know exactly where they are. It's a terrible thing to recognize their body, but find their spirit is missing. It's a terrible thing to watch them become frail and wither away. It's a terrible thing to watch someone choose death who could just as easily choose life. It's a terrible thing to think Richard feels unworthy and unloved when he is cherished beyond measure.
But this is the way Richard has chosen to live out his life. And this is the way he has apparently chosen to end it. Alone and in silence. In many ways, I wish I could be beside him to hold his hand and tell him for the millionth time that I love him, to place his hand lovingly in God's hand when the time comes. But in other ways I'm grateful that my last vision of him won't be watching him suffer, but rather a warm hand on my knee, a sweet smile, and a gentle kiss good bye.
I pray for him every night. I ask God to take care of him and selfishly ask Him to take away Richard's pain and to heal him so I can have more time with him. But sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone you love is to let them go.
So tonight, instead of asking God to heal him, I'll ask God to bring him peace in whatever form He deems is best and release him from his addiction.
This holiday season I wish my beloved Richard and all those who struggle with addiction peace.
Practicing the lion's roar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 291
(((((FD))))) I am so sorry that you and Richard and his family have to go through all this--like you said, though, this was his choice, and it's remarkable how you can accept that despite all the pain it causes. I hope you find answers to your questions soon.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Hi Jill,
Don't you just wonder what makes them make the choices they do.
Like Richard, John has had sober time and admittedly felt better.
Like RIchard, John chooses to drink and sobriety seems to be further
and further away. I know what it's like to try and reach him yet can't
although I know where he is. I have experienced all of the things you
have mentioned. I admire how you are able to find some sort of peace
with all of this. I will be saying prayers tonight too.
Don't you just wonder what makes them make the choices they do.
Like Richard, John has had sober time and admittedly felt better.
Like RIchard, John chooses to drink and sobriety seems to be further
and further away. I know what it's like to try and reach him yet can't
although I know where he is. I have experienced all of the things you
have mentioned. I admire how you are able to find some sort of peace
with all of this. I will be saying prayers tonight too.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 70
Oh, FD -
My heart is there with yours. The love of my life is Joe. And I chose to walk away because I could no longer live with the insanity of this disease and the choices he was making. But my heart is breaking right now for him, and you put into words what I am feeling. Thank you for your words. I'm able to let go of some of my own grief.
My prayers are with you and with R.
My heart is there with yours. The love of my life is Joe. And I chose to walk away because I could no longer live with the insanity of this disease and the choices he was making. But my heart is breaking right now for him, and you put into words what I am feeling. Thank you for your words. I'm able to let go of some of my own grief.
My prayers are with you and with R.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
(((FD))), you've been through so much this year, and I was hoping and praying Richard would stay the course of recovery. He's chosen his path and it is a tragedy that nobody can alter it except him. My prayers are with you both.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Jill I am afraid the Richard that you love is long gone. All that is left is an empty shell that has been eaten from the inside out by alcohol. I have seen too many do what he is doing, it is our 'animal insticnt' to go away to a cave to die.
I don't know if getting him back to the hospital would help or not. It would really depend on if there is any spark of will to live left at all.
I am sorry for you and Richard and will keep you both in my prayers.
Love and hugs,
I don't know if getting him back to the hospital would help or not. It would really depend on if there is any spark of will to live left at all.
I am sorry for you and Richard and will keep you both in my prayers.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Jill, you know my heart is breaking for both you and Richard.
All I can do is send caring Big HUGS to you both !
(right or wrong I have always felt that Chrismas time is so horried for the alcoholics)
i would make one last try, like call Adult Protective Services and see if they have suggestions.
Is it a small town, ask landlady how often he leaves apt and have police do protective custody.
Just my thoughts, you have to go with your gut, and you no doubt know what can and cannot be done. My Love Always
All I can do is send caring Big HUGS to you both !
(right or wrong I have always felt that Chrismas time is so horried for the alcoholics)
i would make one last try, like call Adult Protective Services and see if they have suggestions.
Is it a small town, ask landlady how often he leaves apt and have police do protective custody.
Just my thoughts, you have to go with your gut, and you no doubt know what can and cannot be done. My Love Always
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
He lives in Washington, DC. I don't know what services are available there, or if the police even care about one alcoholic among the many, many addicts living in the inner city. I'll speak with his family and see if there's anything they can do, as I'm not legally considered Richard's next-of-kin and I don't know if there's anything I can do in that capacity.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Ohhh sweetie..... *hugs* to you and know you are in my prayers.
I so know how it feels to love someone that either does not want it or just does not want to work for it..... anyway you look at it it hurts alot to be in the position of rejection and being unable to reach out to the one you love.
Your strength is an inspirations.... thank you
I so know how it feels to love someone that either does not want it or just does not want to work for it..... anyway you look at it it hurts alot to be in the position of rejection and being unable to reach out to the one you love.
Your strength is an inspirations.... thank you
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
(((((((((((Jill))))))))))))
My eyes welled with tears when I read this thread...OMG I so feel your pain...you have been put through sooooo much hun. I just want to give you a great big hug...
Its sooo sad when we see them making such awful choices and we know the road they choose is eventually going to be their demise...and as codies we have such a huge urge to save them and reality says we cant....it so sucks.
Take care honey.
Janit
My eyes welled with tears when I read this thread...OMG I so feel your pain...you have been put through sooooo much hun. I just want to give you a great big hug...
Its sooo sad when we see them making such awful choices and we know the road they choose is eventually going to be their demise...and as codies we have such a huge urge to save them and reality says we cant....it so sucks.
Take care honey.
Janit
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