queenteree

Last night AH was having more than a few and a friend of ours, who lives 40 miles away, called to wish us happy holidays. AH proceeds to invite him over Christmas Eve when we will have a houseful of family. Since this friend lives pretty far, AH tells him to spend the night and they'll sit around and have a few cocktails. Yay for me!!! What fun!!! I told AH that I didn't want overnight company, that after everyone leaves I like down time on Christmas Eve, I don't want to entertain all night, and that's the time AH and I usually exchange presents. AH thought I was so mean and said "is it so bad if he stays over?" Yes, it is.
Anyway, I've decided rather than get all mad, I am going to have to re-arrange my holiday schedule. I am going to have people over Christmas Eve (because they are already invited), give my adult kids their presents then (instead of Christmas morning when they come to my house) and I am going to sleep at my daughter's Christmas Eve, and wake up with my grandkids. I am not going to exchange gifts with AH till whenever and he can sit there all night with our friend drinking cocktails.
AH is a pathetic piece of **** who would much rather spend the night "having cocktails" and his drunkfest with his friend then have the family thing, which to me says it all. I'm a little annoyed but being annoyed is only going to hurt me, it won't change anything, so I will get over it. It just bugs me because his whole family and mine are coming over Christmas Eve, I have to do all the work, to be put second again. Anybody got any other ideas?
QT

AllTooSober

Doesn't the friend have his own family to spend Christmas Eve with? If he insists on coming, and your husband insists on having him, I think you've made a reasonable decision.

Of course it hurts to come in second again. It should never feel good. I see no reason why you shouldn't go through with your plans to stay with your daughter.

queenteree

Alltoosober,
No, this friend is divorced and doesn't really see the xwife and kids. This friend used to have a drinking problem, quit for many years, but now drinks again. He's a nice guy, just a pain in a way. I just don't think Christmas should be a drunkfest but to A's I guess it is. Thank God I have my kids and grandkids, I really won't miss the stupid drunk.
QT

denny57

One of the gifts of Al-Anon to me was the understanding that AH doing these things (and every holiday became a drunk fest) had nothing to do with rejection of me and everything to do with embracing his addiction. The last birthday I had while still living with AH, he stayed home and drank with his brother and I spent the day with some friends at a local gardens that I love. I had a wonderful time. It was a small inkling that I could be happy, whether the alcoholic was drinking or not.

Sounds to me like you are making the Christmas you want - good for you!

sunwish

I think have made a good choice. You will enjoy Christmas morning with the grandkids. A sleep over may be a lot of fun! Enjoy it!

mazey

Making lemonaide out of lemons. .......
You'll get such a grin out of the kids that morning, and bring you true joy!
This would have been something mine would have done, and been so excited over....to drink w/ a buddy, more than enjoy just family. In fact he kinda did it last year on Christmas day, unexpected guests......well, I guess it is his holiday too! Choices?