J-Diver

I am wondering about something. My kids are 20 and almost 18 and keenly aware of their Dad's drinking. They get along because he is not abusive. When he drinks he just likes to sit and talk and tell stories (the same ones over and over) and share dreams etc.

What I am wondering, if there are things going on, like he is hiding bottles again and I am pretty sure drinking at work, how much can I talk to the kids? Mostly my daughter, she is mature and we are pretty close. AH has been drinking lots more and getting worse, and my daughter and I talk a lot. But I am not sure if it is OK on my part to share things she may not be aware of. I know she noticed one day when he was already tanked right after getting in the door from work.

I am suspecting it is best to just keep it to myself, but then again, they are not little kids.

Any thoughts?

Julie

minah

As an adult child of an alcoholic I certainly wished we had talked about what was going on. Even from a young age. Ignoring it only represses feelings that are felt. You might just help liberate your children! G'luck

mallowcup

Thy aren't little kids, they are birds whos wings needn't be clipped further. They know already if they choose to. They can pursue their own truths.

elizabeth1979

Hi J-Diver,

Are your kids asking you questions?

As an Adult Child of An Alcoholic, I was frequently put in a position of listener and confidant from one parent, talking about the other. The attempts are still made but I have to say, I dont want to have this conversation and hang up the phone. Its horribly diffficult to deal with and it is tough to take when you love both parents. If he is not acting outwardly abusive or meanspirited and the kids enjoy listening to his stories, it could make them uncomfortable to hear that from you.

It sounds like you need a listening ear Can you confide in a close friend, in us, or a therapist?

J-Diver

Yeah, that was what I was wondering too.

Whenever I have said something to a close friend, they sort of like freak out. "Oh, my gosh, you have to leave, blah, blah, blah." I quit confiding because they don't understand. They try to tell me what they think I want to hear.

Here, I am getting more comfortable.

A therapist, NO WAY. He went to treatment and I got help too and the whole nine yards. That was a long time ago when the kids were little. The therapist part was a waste. I don't think I would trust them again.

I am here though and thats a start. I might try Al-Anon too, but that wasn't so great back then either. I am willing to try that again though.