I need lots of input!!!
Paused
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
I need lots of input!!!
Hello guys I am back and I like a lot of input on this one please.
To make it short. I left my bf about 4 month ago because his drinking became a problem for me. I set boundaries and detached with love. After I done that and we started talking he basicially told me it was time to move on la la la. So I agreed andleftit alone. Of course he kept calling, we kept talking, just not about what should be talked about his problem. He has never admitted to have an alcohol problem amoung other problems. So we have been back and forth for 4 month now, back and forth meaning him calling me especially when he gets drunk he reaches out for me to "listen" to him on the phone. I have been pretty ok through all of this being pregnant with twins and not having family here in the united states.
We spend 1 day together a few weeks ago and it was wonderful. We both love one another that is not an issue BUT he has not changed his lilttle habbit. I know and made up my mind long ago that I do not want to be married or live with him unless he gets help. Being this is my 1st time dealing with alcohol issues itis pretty shocking to me. I did the AlAnon thing and it is good. So all in all I say I am dealing with this pretty well now and am living a happy life.
I do love him and am sad about all this at times but I know that I deserve great things in life and living with an alcoholic is not one of them..................ok that sounds so easy doesen't it?
What is so mind blowing is that he does not run after me or beg me to come back , not at all. Allthough we talk on the phone and he hints around. I almost get the feeling that he wants me to be the one to run after him. I am standing my grounds on this one. I want to see changes, and I mean changes that will stick for a lifetime. So in the meantime what do I do? Sometimes I just want to disappear out of his life for good. Not talk tohim and let him life his life. But than he calls and sounds so sad (I know), and he is reaching out for me.
I am not saying anything on here that everyone has been through I am sure.
Do I stay in his life because I love him? I know that I will continue living as I have been , alone and taken care of me and it feels wonderful:-).............is it worth loving him knowing the good in him ? Do I be there when **** hits the fan sorta speak and be supportive ?
Any input on this.................................? Sometimes I wonder if me being pregnant puts him in a panic ? I mean a healthy man gets paniced sometimes and me having twins this could be etra stress on him. I asked him once and he said no he loves the idea so than what is it?
To make it short. I left my bf about 4 month ago because his drinking became a problem for me. I set boundaries and detached with love. After I done that and we started talking he basicially told me it was time to move on la la la. So I agreed andleftit alone. Of course he kept calling, we kept talking, just not about what should be talked about his problem. He has never admitted to have an alcohol problem amoung other problems. So we have been back and forth for 4 month now, back and forth meaning him calling me especially when he gets drunk he reaches out for me to "listen" to him on the phone. I have been pretty ok through all of this being pregnant with twins and not having family here in the united states.
We spend 1 day together a few weeks ago and it was wonderful. We both love one another that is not an issue BUT he has not changed his lilttle habbit. I know and made up my mind long ago that I do not want to be married or live with him unless he gets help. Being this is my 1st time dealing with alcohol issues itis pretty shocking to me. I did the AlAnon thing and it is good. So all in all I say I am dealing with this pretty well now and am living a happy life.
I do love him and am sad about all this at times but I know that I deserve great things in life and living with an alcoholic is not one of them..................ok that sounds so easy doesen't it?
What is so mind blowing is that he does not run after me or beg me to come back , not at all. Allthough we talk on the phone and he hints around. I almost get the feeling that he wants me to be the one to run after him. I am standing my grounds on this one. I want to see changes, and I mean changes that will stick for a lifetime. So in the meantime what do I do? Sometimes I just want to disappear out of his life for good. Not talk tohim and let him life his life. But than he calls and sounds so sad (I know), and he is reaching out for me.
I am not saying anything on here that everyone has been through I am sure.
Do I stay in his life because I love him? I know that I will continue living as I have been , alone and taken care of me and it feels wonderful:-).............is it worth loving him knowing the good in him ? Do I be there when **** hits the fan sorta speak and be supportive ?
Any input on this.................................? Sometimes I wonder if me being pregnant puts him in a panic ? I mean a healthy man gets paniced sometimes and me having twins this could be etra stress on him. I asked him once and he said no he loves the idea so than what is it?
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Prettywoman; HUGS To You! It is never easy being in transision (?) I guess that's why we say it's hell in the hall....
No one can give you the answer as to what YOU should do, only you and your H.P.have the answer to that....
Sometimes it helps me to ask myself this question: How much of me am I willing to give up to be loved by you?....
Love and prayers from one who cares..
No one can give you the answer as to what YOU should do, only you and your H.P.have the answer to that....
Sometimes it helps me to ask myself this question: How much of me am I willing to give up to be loved by you?....
Love and prayers from one who cares..
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi prettywoman.
You're the only one who can answer the "worth it" questions. If it's not driving you crazy and you get some pleasure from his company then cool. When it seems to be costing you more than you're getting back, it may be time to think it over again.
I know how hard it is to feel that he is choosing his drug over you. Unfortunately, until the earthquake happens, addicted people may not see giving up their "friend" as a viable choice. Don't take it personally. He's just "stuck on stupid" as Dino would say.
Hugs,
Smoke
You're the only one who can answer the "worth it" questions. If it's not driving you crazy and you get some pleasure from his company then cool. When it seems to be costing you more than you're getting back, it may be time to think it over again.
I know how hard it is to feel that he is choosing his drug over you. Unfortunately, until the earthquake happens, addicted people may not see giving up their "friend" as a viable choice. Don't take it personally. He's just "stuck on stupid" as Dino would say.
Hugs,
Smoke
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Prettywoman
I am happy for you that you are getting your life back in order, and I know that being pregnant with twins can be more than enough to handle.
Something that jumped out to me on your post was that he calls you when he is drunk. I learned a long time ago not to have conversations with someone who is drinking or using at the time...they are just not meaningful and most of the time they don't even remember their part.
Keep looking after yourself, and hope that someday soon he will decide to get help for himselg.
My prayers go out for you and the babies.
I am happy for you that you are getting your life back in order, and I know that being pregnant with twins can be more than enough to handle.
Something that jumped out to me on your post was that he calls you when he is drunk. I learned a long time ago not to have conversations with someone who is drinking or using at the time...they are just not meaningful and most of the time they don't even remember their part.
Keep looking after yourself, and hope that someday soon he will decide to get help for himselg.
My prayers go out for you and the babies.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
