robina

My alcoholic daughter, who is on welfare, has spent some of her rent money. The last time she did this, I stupidly paid the difference for her but at that time I told her I would not pay her rent again.

She just informed me by phone that she needs an extra 100 to pay her rent. I reminded her that I would not be doing that and I asked if she was ready to live on the streets, because she is not allowed to live with me. (the last time she lived with me, she behaved so badly my landlord threatened to evict me) She replied by asking me if I would take care of her pets.

I feel so sad. Every bit of me wants to step in and fix this because in addition to being an alcoholic, she also suffers from mental illness. I don't want my mentally ill, alcoholic daughter living on the streets. It makes me feel so sad and helpless to think about that.

newblue82

Robina, I'm sorry to hear of your pain. I know as a mother yo'd like to intervene and save your daughter from any disadvantage but you know what that'll do to you. I hear a lot of members mention that the addicts in their lives alslo suffer from mental illness and I wonder exactly what does that mean? These days major depression, anxiety attacks, and bipolar disorder seem rather common among people and I wonder if that's really justification for why some addicts start their addictions to begin with. I suppose I've just always felt that there are OTHER ways to deal with problems. You've forewarned your daughter that you weren't going to pay her rent again. I think that was rather fair of you. I fail to believe that she is that far gone as to not realize she's taking adavantage of your love as her mother. I know it's painful but try and be strong for the both of you.

thejig

Hi Robina....sorry to hear about your daughter...I've been thru the same thing with other family members. Are there any halfway houses for women in the area? This is what I finally had to decide upon (of course, only if she is willing to go to one).
Prayers to you and your daughter
AA Hugs,
Jig

robina

I know what I should do. (keep strong boundaries, practice loving detachment, give her over to her Higher Power)

I know what my instincts are telling me to do (meddle, fix, control, play God)

I'm tired and weak. I haven't been taking good care of myself. I don't see an end to this ongoing nightmare.

robina

yes, there is a crisis shelter for women in her town, but with her alcoholic behaviour and mental illness I fear she would be booted out for bad behaviour.

But these are just my fears messing with my mind. It hasn't happened yet - it's just a very big fear that looms large in my mind.

mazey

Oh, Robina...I feel for you. No words of advice. When it is your child it really has to pull at your heartstrings. BUT....

reader

I know all about those sad and hopeless feelings. Guilt was the worst for me, having to say no to a grown child who is floundering is so hard. His father and I had to adopt a tough love policy and he has improved. Maybe at 34 he is just growing up but he is still drinking though he has stopped using drugs. His Gram also got him out of rental trouble, deposits, child support. We had to set her straight that he will never improve if she kept enabling him. She has stopped for the most part and he has improved. Hold ur ground Robin and I will pray for u and her. Take care of U!!! Kerry