cpetropo

Good Morning all,
SO here I am looking for more advice. My Alcoholic(my boyfriend) - has made the decision to stay the course on his road to recovery. He has been sober for 11 days now. There is a couple that are our best friends, and have this "believe it when they see it" attitude. Mind you the male half of the couple is one of my boyfriends closest friends, who was also his drinking buddy. This friend is totally internalizing the idea that my boyfriend has decided to become sober. He feels as though he is being written off, because my boyfriend has chosen to spend less time with him-My boyfriend is trying to remove himself from these hazardous situations where temptation may get the best of him.

How do we handle these "best friends" who say that he isn't going to be able to quit drinking he is just telling me what I want to hear, as they put it.

I am so blown away by them as I thought they would be in front of the support line, not in front of the you can't do it line.

Mind you I am so proud of my boyfriend for how far he's come, 11 days sober- I feel as though each day is a huge accomplishment. My AH is trying to start the road to a new life for himself....And to have these people say such discouraging things, just breaks my heart.

Have any of you had similar situations.

My take is to surround ourselves with the people that are supportive and to stay away from the ones that aren't


I guess you really start to learn who your real friends are in situations such as these......

GettingBy

My thought is... let your boyfriend deal with them. Follow your boyfriend's lead. If he doesn't want to spend time with them, then support that decision. If he still hangs out with them, then so be it. Either way, his sobriety has to be his work. He has to learn how to handle the realities of life (and people like that are a big part of reality).

If he really wants to be sober, I'm pretty sure he'll be dropping the label "best friends" soon enough.

And how did I handle it? I stayed out of it completely. When my husband ranted and raved about how much crap all of his "friends" were giving him, I just nodded and listened. I didn't say anything one way or the other. Not my place to. His friends, his choices, his consequences. He doesn't hang out with them anymore, and there is no backlash to me (ie. He can't say, "You made me give up my friends when you made me get sober." All his choices. And to be honest, that lets him be proud of what HE's accomplished.

Just a thought,
Shannon

cpetropo

Thanks for the advice,
I actually spoke to by BF's mother about it this morning, and she said the same thing you did. That we all need to just take his lead, as these are all his decisions.

And I am starting to realize quite definately that staying out of it, and moving along with my daily routine is the best way to handle things.

Thanks again!!

Pick-a-name

Sounds like a (very good!) plan!

Best wishes for you both!

cpetropo

Thanks to you all for your support and helpful words! Happy Thursday !

Astro

That's my thought on this. Thanks Shannon. I wish I would've dropped that label before my now ex divorced me.

In my 22 months of sobriety I've got more TRUE friends than I ever dreamed of having, and the love and appreciation we have for each other remains strong in spite of the disease we share.

Be supportive, but let your boyfriend make his own decisions. Hopefully he'll choose to take the right path, but either way it's up to him, not you.

cpetropo

I do plan on strictly following his lead, I know that this is about him, and his choices. I guess I am just bummed out that everyone isn't as supportive as his family has been. We are all so proud of him, and excited about how well he's doing- and these "friends of ours" have nothing but negative things to say about his sobriety. I just don't get it.

Astro

My boss and a couple friends still ask me when I'm going to drink again. They rarely saw the dark side of me and never witnessed the mental abuse I heaped on my 1st and 2nd wives. The only people who understand our disease are other alcoholics/addicts, so I don't try to explain my sickness to others, or expect them to understand. I'm perfectly happy with my sobriety, and don't seek the approval of my friends anymore. You and your boyfriend are doing just fine.

Scott

GettingBy

I'm so glad you posted Scott. Hearing from the other side really helps us to understand.

The thing I learned about the "friends" was that they didn't want to see my husband change because it made them see that what they were doing was unhealthy. Kinda like, misery loves company I guess? Helps them to tell themselves (and their wives), "Well everybody else is staying out, so why shouldn't I?" Well, if not everybody is staying out, then maybe they shouldn't be either? Not a nice fact to have to face.

denny57

One of my first posts here was about friends. Now with the passing of time I see it's true - just let things fall the way they do. Your BF's recovery is the most important thing to him right now. Drama from everywhere else can't matter. Even though AH has not chosen sobriety, there has been a shift in my friendships. Most have remained intact, but the heavy drinking buddies are fading away. I'm fine with that.

Take care and lots of love and best wishes to both you and your BF.

Astro

Exactly! The best part is that in sobriety I have the privilege of telling my miserable company to take a hike. There's nothing better to me than having a friend in recovery, so that's where I make my friendships.

cpetropo

What you wrote here, definately hit home. This one specific " Friend" of my BF has near the same problems my BF has, but neither him nor his wife have chosen to deal with them yet(which is their problem, not ours). At least not to the extent that my BF has. And I think he is upset that he is losing his drinking buddy, if you will. That is what they did, when they spent time together. Misery loves company sooooo true....I sooo agree with you, they don't want to see my BF change, as they are now being faced with their own problems, and in a huge well of denial

parentrecovers

i spent the day with my recovering daughter yesterday. her cell phone rang all day long. not ONE of those calls was from any of her old drinking friends - all aa and recovery friends.

stick with the winners.

iwillriseabove

I agree! Stick with the new ones. They are the ones that are concerned for his well-being.

cpetropo

New Life New Friends, Hugs to all of you!!!!Thank you for the support. I will probably not be on tomorrow, as I have to drive an hour away to pick my BF up at the intervention center. Wish us luck on his 12th day of sobriety tomorrow and his first day back to facing the real world!!!!!


Pray for us

Astro

Ohhh that's nice to know. I can't wait for my meeting tonight, which is no different from any other night. Good friends, good sobriety, and plenty of winners to hang around with.

Best of luck, and I'll be praying for you.

Scott