1 more ?
When Pigs Fly
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
1 more ?
I supply the cell phone for my AH. This was because I wanted my son to have a way to contact his Dad. my son has the phone where only 4 people can call in or out.
It is a extra $14 a month for me. Do I keep on paying or do I turn it off?
If I turn it off we have no way to ever reach him.
It is a extra $14 a month for me. Do I keep on paying or do I turn it off?
If I turn it off we have no way to ever reach him.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 34
Kermit:
I, on the other hand think you should keep the phone. Your child should have the comfort to be able to speak with his father if he wishes to. Yes, your husband should take care of this on his own and if he were a responsible parent he would. But hes not a responsible parent, he's an alcoholic. I don't know how old your son is, but I know my daughter, at 15, even though she is angry and upset with her father,still worries about him. My AH still lives at home but sometimes when he does not come home and the weather is bad, my daughter will call him on his cell "just to make sure he's o.k." This makes her feel better and it's what she wants to do. I would not take that away from her. Don't know if this helps or not but that's how I see it.
I, on the other hand think you should keep the phone. Your child should have the comfort to be able to speak with his father if he wishes to. Yes, your husband should take care of this on his own and if he were a responsible parent he would. But hes not a responsible parent, he's an alcoholic. I don't know how old your son is, but I know my daughter, at 15, even though she is angry and upset with her father,still worries about him. My AH still lives at home but sometimes when he does not come home and the weather is bad, my daughter will call him on his cell "just to make sure he's o.k." This makes her feel better and it's what she wants to do. I would not take that away from her. Don't know if this helps or not but that's how I see it.
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Keep the phone. One thing holds true, this is still Dad again they only have one Dad. Some where down the line all things run full circle and the good you do today will be returned.
If effort is made on his part to contact the kids and he uses the phone, whats the big deal.
If effort is made on his part to contact the kids and he uses the phone, whats the big deal.
When Pigs Fly
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
Mr C, No big deal I just get mixed feelings about it.
I want him to have a way to get a hold of the kids and I do like that My 7yr old can pick his phone up and call his Dad anytime he wants to. When My AH calls he always leaves a message " I called to tell the kids I love them" And I alway ALWAYS play it for them.
Thanks for all the advice.
I was thinking right now AH can't get a cell phone due to all the financial problems he has. He is in Colorado with no job, nothing. I do not think I'm enabling him. I just want my kids to have Dad when they want.
I want him to have a way to get a hold of the kids and I do like that My 7yr old can pick his phone up and call his Dad anytime he wants to. When My AH calls he always leaves a message " I called to tell the kids I love them" And I alway ALWAYS play it for them.
Thanks for all the advice.
I was thinking right now AH can't get a cell phone due to all the financial problems he has. He is in Colorado with no job, nothing. I do not think I'm enabling him. I just want my kids to have Dad when they want.
Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: crownpoint newyork
Posts: 820
Kermit, we can see enabling 2 ways--- Are u helping him? - Are u helping your son? If this phone makes life easier for U and your son, by all means keep it. Part of my recovery is putting myself first and the kiddos too of course. This phone sounds like it is help to keep the kids happy and in touch with their Dad. For 14 bucks why not!! Sounds like a win, win to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
ok...here's the ole evil-doer voice poppin in....
here are things i would consider:
l. can i afford the 14.00 per month....may not sound like a lot, but to a single mother?????....there were times 14.00 was the difference between my kids eating or not.
2. do my children want the contact??? sounds like they do.
3. can ex use the phone for his own use???? can he make long distance charges to you???? that would be a big deal breaker for me.
as parents, we sometimes have to choose to do the things that stick in our throats the most....but the payoff is incredible. i'm so grateful that i enabled my children to keep wonderful, uncontaminated contact with their father. they are parents themselves now, and they have thanked me many times and acknowleged how difficult it must have been on my behalf to be so benevolent to someone i had many issues with.....but it wasn't for him....it was for them.
and it set an example for them as adults.
love to you
jeri
oh, and the evil-doer suggestion of a full blown codie in full bloom of sarcasm, revengefull seeking b!tch on roller skates......here ya go, ole ex of mine....here's some wood and some matchs....build a file and send smoke signals......
or here's another one.....here's your cell phone....it is hooked up to a generator powered by a stationary bicycle...you can call, but you have to provide the power to use the phone by bicycling in place like a mad person for 1 minute of air-time. besides, you need the exercise....your heart, ya know.
i used to think of chit like this all the time, honestly!!!!! sounds like i still do. lol
here are things i would consider:
l. can i afford the 14.00 per month....may not sound like a lot, but to a single mother?????....there were times 14.00 was the difference between my kids eating or not.
2. do my children want the contact??? sounds like they do.
3. can ex use the phone for his own use???? can he make long distance charges to you???? that would be a big deal breaker for me.
as parents, we sometimes have to choose to do the things that stick in our throats the most....but the payoff is incredible. i'm so grateful that i enabled my children to keep wonderful, uncontaminated contact with their father. they are parents themselves now, and they have thanked me many times and acknowleged how difficult it must have been on my behalf to be so benevolent to someone i had many issues with.....but it wasn't for him....it was for them.
and it set an example for them as adults.
love to you
jeri
oh, and the evil-doer suggestion of a full blown codie in full bloom of sarcasm, revengefull seeking b!tch on roller skates......here ya go, ole ex of mine....here's some wood and some matchs....build a file and send smoke signals......
or here's another one.....here's your cell phone....it is hooked up to a generator powered by a stationary bicycle...you can call, but you have to provide the power to use the phone by bicycling in place like a mad person for 1 minute of air-time. besides, you need the exercise....your heart, ya know.
i used to think of chit like this all the time, honestly!!!!! sounds like i still do. lol
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
I go with Jeri. can you set up a phone system where the ex can't cal and charge to you but your kids can call him?
Ngaire
Ngaire
Originally Posted by embraced2000 
ok...here's the ole evil-doer voice poppin in....
here are things i would consider:
l. can i afford the 14.00 per month....may not sound like a lot, but to a single mother?????....there were times 14.00 was the difference between my kids eating or not.
2. do my children want the contact??? sounds like they do.
3. can ex use the phone for his own use???? can he make long distance charges to you???? that would be a big deal breaker for me.
as parents, we sometimes have to choose to do the things that stick in our throats the most....but the payoff is incredible. i'm so grateful that i enabled my children to keep wonderful, uncontaminated contact with their father. they are parents themselves now, and they have thanked me many times and acknowleged how difficult it must have been on my behalf to be so benevolent to someone i had many issues with.....but it wasn't for him....it was for them.
and it set an example for them as adults.
love to you
jeri
oh, and the evil-doer suggestion of a full blown codie in full bloom of sarcasm, revengefull seeking b!tch on roller skates......here ya go, ole ex of mine....here's some wood and some matchs....build a file and send smoke signals......
or here's another one.....here's your cell phone....it is hooked up to a generator powered by a stationary bicycle...you can call, but you have to provide the power to use the phone by bicycling in place like a mad person for 1 minute of air-time. besides, you need the exercise....your heart, ya know.
i used to think of chit like this all the time, honestly!!!!! sounds like i still do. lol
here are things i would consider:
l. can i afford the 14.00 per month....may not sound like a lot, but to a single mother?????....there were times 14.00 was the difference between my kids eating or not.
2. do my children want the contact??? sounds like they do.
3. can ex use the phone for his own use???? can he make long distance charges to you???? that would be a big deal breaker for me.
as parents, we sometimes have to choose to do the things that stick in our throats the most....but the payoff is incredible. i'm so grateful that i enabled my children to keep wonderful, uncontaminated contact with their father. they are parents themselves now, and they have thanked me many times and acknowleged how difficult it must have been on my behalf to be so benevolent to someone i had many issues with.....but it wasn't for him....it was for them.
and it set an example for them as adults.
love to you
jeri
oh, and the evil-doer suggestion of a full blown codie in full bloom of sarcasm, revengefull seeking b!tch on roller skates......here ya go, ole ex of mine....here's some wood and some matchs....build a file and send smoke signals......
or here's another one.....here's your cell phone....it is hooked up to a generator powered by a stationary bicycle...you can call, but you have to provide the power to use the phone by bicycling in place like a mad person for 1 minute of air-time. besides, you need the exercise....your heart, ya know.
i used to think of chit like this all the time, honestly!!!!! sounds like i still do. lol
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
kermit....may i suggest the stationary bicycle hooked up to generator as power source for air time minutes???? i know it sounds crazy, but, hey....i think i can make it work!!!.....lol..
i'm glad you are pleased with your decision......you sound like a great mom!!!!
(and so much more mentally healthy than myself)
love to you
jeri
i'm glad you are pleased with your decision......you sound like a great mom!!!!
(and so much more mentally healthy than myself)
love to you
jeri
When Pigs Fly
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
jeri don't say that about yourself.I'm not all that stable(take prozac every day) We all "parent" differently. Most people think I'm to "nice" I just don't paint things for me or the kids. I try and stay in a reality world. i know what kind of kid I was. The more open I am with my kids the more open they are with me.
I do struggle mostly with my 7yr old but we will make it through all this crap too.
You will find your"mental health" soon
I do struggle mostly with my 7yr old but we will make it through all this crap too.
You will find your"mental health" soon
When Pigs Fly
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
My AH has not yet used it for anyother reason. I think if he does I would be likely to change my mind. He loves his kids. I nned to make sure they can get intouch with eachother, not for him for my Kids. Thanks everyone
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