update....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
update....
"that woman" posted bond of 1 grand and paid his tow bill of 300.00 to get her sweety back home.
when he walked in my office last tuesday night, he was telling me that she was a dumb hill person that he was just using. i say....yeah, i know....just like you used me. he took off glasses and said...look into my eyes...see the love i have for you?????.....your the one i want to grow old with.....i dream of you every night....i love you....can't you see???.....look in my eyes....tell me what you see......so i say....i see drunk.
his eyes were all wallering round in their sockets, and his head was toddling all about.....and he got all p!ssy then....
anyway, i'm feeling all jealous. i know how crazy that is....but i feel it anyway.
and then i also feel relief, and i also feel such deep pity....and i feel sorry for her.....her nightmare is just beginning, and she doesn't have a clue. and i mourn my husband that was. and i miss who he was. and i love him so.
damn, i'll be so glad when my heart finally understands what my brain knows.
just keep doing the actions, eh??? it will feel all ok, someday????? this hurt will subside, right????
and the courtman....he lied. he is just a liar. he didn't file the petition to revoke.
lve to all
jeri
when he walked in my office last tuesday night, he was telling me that she was a dumb hill person that he was just using. i say....yeah, i know....just like you used me. he took off glasses and said...look into my eyes...see the love i have for you?????.....your the one i want to grow old with.....i dream of you every night....i love you....can't you see???.....look in my eyes....tell me what you see......so i say....i see drunk.
his eyes were all wallering round in their sockets, and his head was toddling all about.....and he got all p!ssy then....
anyway, i'm feeling all jealous. i know how crazy that is....but i feel it anyway.
and then i also feel relief, and i also feel such deep pity....and i feel sorry for her.....her nightmare is just beginning, and she doesn't have a clue. and i mourn my husband that was. and i miss who he was. and i love him so.
damn, i'll be so glad when my heart finally understands what my brain knows.
just keep doing the actions, eh??? it will feel all ok, someday????? this hurt will subside, right????
and the courtman....he lied. he is just a liar. he didn't file the petition to revoke.
lve to all
jeri
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
Just like your heart and head haven't totally caught up to each other about him, the same logic vs. emotion is wondering if you will ever get over him. That was confusing...let me try to put it into my perspective. What I mean is, logically, I know I will not be hurting like this the rest of my life. Emotionally, I wonder if I will ever recover. Logically I get that it doesn't make sense to be in pain forever. Emotionally I wonder if I will make it through. Back and forth. So just like my logic eventually dragged me out of the house and away from AH, my logic will eventually drag this emotionally drained girl into happiness once again. I'd bet the same applies to you. 
Wow, I know that makes NO sense!!!! Maybe you can figure out where I was going.
Wow, I know that makes NO sense!!!! Maybe you can figure out where I was going.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
makes perfect sense texasgirl....exactly.
a real tug of war between logic and emotions. i know things will change....i want the speed course to recovery, i guess. just like the rollercoaster i was on when we were married....i find in recovery that the rollercoaster ride is just as extreme.
difference being, that periodically, good things happen on the rollercoaster i'm on now, and eventually, life will be bright on the other side of all of this.
guess the pain is necessary for the recovery.....
love to you
jeri
a real tug of war between logic and emotions. i know things will change....i want the speed course to recovery, i guess. just like the rollercoaster i was on when we were married....i find in recovery that the rollercoaster ride is just as extreme.
difference being, that periodically, good things happen on the rollercoaster i'm on now, and eventually, life will be bright on the other side of all of this.
guess the pain is necessary for the recovery.....
love to you
jeri
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lost in NC
Posts: 416
Drunks love a Drunk. In clinical terms they enable each other....and yes her life will get worse, as will his. We will always live with the pain of losing our loved ones to addiction.......but we will survive and be much happier than we would be living with the insanity the addict brought to our life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
And he is still using her.
Ngaire
More importantly why can't we get that through our thick skulls?
Ngaire
Ngaire
More importantly why can't we get that through our thick skulls?
Ngaire
Originally Posted by embraced2000 
"that woman" posted bond of 1 grand and paid his tow bill of 300.00 to get her sweety back home.
when he walked in my office last tuesday night, he was telling me that she was a dumb hill person that he was just using. i say....yeah, i know....just like you used me. he took off glasses and said...look into my eyes...see the love i have for you?????.....your the one i want to grow old with.....i dream of you every night....i love you....can't you see???.....look in my eyes....tell me what you see......so i say....i see drunk.
his eyes were all wallering round in their sockets, and his head was toddling all about.....and he got all p!ssy then....
anyway, i'm feeling all jealous. i know how crazy that is....but i feel it anyway.
and then i also feel relief, and i also feel such deep pity....and i feel sorry for her.....her nightmare is just beginning, and she doesn't have a clue. and i mourn my husband that was. and i miss who he was. and i love him so.
damn, i'll be so glad when my heart finally understands what my brain knows.
just keep doing the actions, eh??? it will feel all ok, someday????? this hurt will subside, right????
and the courtman....he lied. he is just a liar. he didn't file the petition to revoke.
lve to all
jeri
when he walked in my office last tuesday night, he was telling me that she was a dumb hill person that he was just using. i say....yeah, i know....just like you used me. he took off glasses and said...look into my eyes...see the love i have for you?????.....your the one i want to grow old with.....i dream of you every night....i love you....can't you see???.....look in my eyes....tell me what you see......so i say....i see drunk.
his eyes were all wallering round in their sockets, and his head was toddling all about.....and he got all p!ssy then....
anyway, i'm feeling all jealous. i know how crazy that is....but i feel it anyway.
and then i also feel relief, and i also feel such deep pity....and i feel sorry for her.....her nightmare is just beginning, and she doesn't have a clue. and i mourn my husband that was. and i miss who he was. and i love him so.
damn, i'll be so glad when my heart finally understands what my brain knows.
just keep doing the actions, eh??? it will feel all ok, someday????? this hurt will subside, right????
and the courtman....he lied. he is just a liar. he didn't file the petition to revoke.
lve to all
jeri
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Ahhhh Jeri.... 
It breaks my heart to hear that pain in you.
I promise ... yes the hurt will stop, how long it last and how hard it is .... well that is up to you and your HP, but im here to tell you that Im living proof that it will pass. I can remember times today that I actually begged God to let me be done... there were times I was just spent and so done with it all. Guess he had other plans for me cuz the pain did not kill me, it make me stronger and today Im giving to others what I received when I needed it.
Keep working on your recovery,,,,, I honestly think that and keeping busy is the key. You will one day look back and be glad its over.... and you dont hurt like that. Remember recovery may be a rollercoaster ride, but with your recovery you are in control... its your rollercoaster.
It breaks my heart to hear that pain in you.I promise ... yes the hurt will stop, how long it last and how hard it is .... well that is up to you and your HP, but im here to tell you that Im living proof that it will pass. I can remember times today that I actually begged God to let me be done... there were times I was just spent and so done with it all. Guess he had other plans for me cuz the pain did not kill me, it make me stronger and today Im giving to others what I received when I needed it.
Keep working on your recovery,,,,, I honestly think that and keeping busy is the key. You will one day look back and be glad its over.... and you dont hurt like that. Remember recovery may be a rollercoaster ride, but with your recovery you are in control... its your rollercoaster.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Jeri, I'm so sorry you're hurting so much. Yes, it does get better, and a lot faster than you think. I lost my marriage of 20yrs to addiction. I knew that I would never survive that pain, but my HP knew better.
It's been two years since I walked away from the chaos and the insanity. Today my life is much better than it ever was because now I have hope. I had none back then. The deep anguish is gone, today I cherish the good times I had with my ex. In those 20yrs there were many. Today I have learned many lessons from the bad times and I know that next time I will do better.
For me the pain has gone away and now I have peace and gratitude that I was able to get out of that mess with my sanity. I pray that someday my ex will find her own path to recovery. In the meantime I have a new life, new friends and a new future. Not the future I wanted in my codie-ness, but a very good future just the same.
All I did was stick close to the "winners" in this program and focus on just the one day that was in front of me. That's how we all make it thru the darkness of addiction, by relying on each other one day at a time.
You will make it too, Jeri. Just like everybody else has made it. Just hang on tight cuz the difference between a bad day and a good day is only a couple of days
Mike
It's been two years since I walked away from the chaos and the insanity. Today my life is much better than it ever was because now I have hope. I had none back then. The deep anguish is gone, today I cherish the good times I had with my ex. In those 20yrs there were many. Today I have learned many lessons from the bad times and I know that next time I will do better.
For me the pain has gone away and now I have peace and gratitude that I was able to get out of that mess with my sanity. I pray that someday my ex will find her own path to recovery. In the meantime I have a new life, new friends and a new future. Not the future I wanted in my codie-ness, but a very good future just the same.
All I did was stick close to the "winners" in this program and focus on just the one day that was in front of me. That's how we all make it thru the darkness of addiction, by relying on each other one day at a time.
You will make it too, Jeri. Just like everybody else has made it. Just hang on tight cuz the difference between a bad day and a good day is only a couple of days
Mike
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