Frustrated and confused

Old 12-11-2006, 09:51 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Frustrated and confused

Just really frustrated and confused tonight. AH has completed treatment and went to my court hearing to tell them that his accusations of me assaulting him were because he was drunk and pissed off because I told him to leave. Admitted to the court that he is an alcoholic was taking prescription meds, and antidepressants along with the alcohol and had just got out of a treatment program to deal with his addictions.

The false assault charges happened in September and in 2 months following he ended up in the hospital twice with .30 alcohol level combined with over-medicating himself, ended up in detox, broke the no contact order and many other things all because he was so upset with what he had done to me that he kept right on drinking heavily until he felt couldn’t anymore and went to treatment on his own.

Even though he finally admitted to the courts the truth, the prosecutor wanted to dismiss with prejudice which is to hold it open for a year incase they had other evidence. What evidence?? Even the police notes acknowledged he was drunk and there was not a sign of him being assaulted. My AH and his AH brother were both drunk drunk drunk. And the police accepted his drunken statement so I got to spend a night in jail. A h*** I am really struggling to forget and learn to deal with.

Thank god the judge has a brain. The judge told the prosecutors straight forward today was their day to be prepared for a trial and with their only witness admitting he was drunk, so drunk in fact he can’t even remember what he said, had to go get a copy of the police report so he could try remember what he had told them. The judge told them unless they had some other evidence they case would be dismissed. Which it was dismissed – Thank God!!

So now one of the major things stressing me is off my back. My therapist told me that I wasn’t dealing with the anger yet and that I needed to realize at some point it would hit me – well that’s where I am now. Alanon meetings help but I am still so pissed off.

I did let my AH come home, but only if he used the guest room and allowed me space. It’s weird him being here, I am uncomfortable and trying to figure out how to feel normal around a man I have been married to for 8 years yet right now he feels like a total stranger.

I have so many doubts and fears – I have agreed to go to marriage counseling but have no trust. It feels like I lost everything I ever felt for him in one night even though the drinking issues were there long before that night.

I know it hurts him that I don't trust him and don't want to be close now but I can't help it - it's how I feel.

I guess what I am feeling is normal under the circumstances but sometimes I feel like a total basket case.

Thanks for listening – I know it helps to put it down in writing and share with others what is going on.
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Old 12-12-2006, 09:04 AM
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I'm so glad the false charges were dropped and that you are making progress with your therapy and Alanon meetings. It takes time for me to 'feel' and to heal right in the middle of a crisis and even shortly afterwards. Once things settle in your mind I hope you will be able to sort it all out. Please take good care of yourself.
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Old 12-12-2006, 09:51 AM
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Your not a basket case hon..... you are a codi..... we are much different

Im not sure why you think you should feel different.... and I dont know why you thought it would be "normal" or even close letting him back home. It has been my experience that I tend to discard my feelings for the other person. You know what, right, wrong or indifferent they are my feelings and Im entitled to them. The are not wrong or bad.... they are feelings and the sooner I accept them for what they are, give them the right to be there the sooner I can take them out and deal with them.

What your husband did would be a HUGE breach of trust to me. He did this to you not the other way around so it would be his job to earn your trust again IMHO. In fact I think your either a saint or glutton for punishment for letting him come home. Dont spend time doubting your feelings on this. Once you idenity what they are you can make a choice as to if you want to change them or not.
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Old 12-13-2006, 03:55 AM
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Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!!
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It must feel strange to have him back in the home! How long was he in treatment? Has he drank through your whole marriage? If he has a sober husband might act differently. As I see it, you have two choices u could forgive him or you could let the frustration eat U up. Do u want to work on your marriage. Ha, I will be the first one to say at some point too much damage can be done. I had to scrap my first but in the long run I know I made the right choice. With my second marriage I have had to work on it but the + outweigh the - 's. Working through the anger is a real process but it can be done. Your therapist sounds like a smart cookie! Trust on the other hand is a must in my opinion. Refresh my memory, did he cheat? Is it something u may get back if he shows u positive action. Well, take care of u and best of luck to u both. Kerry
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Old 12-13-2006, 07:30 AM
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Originally Posted by dayxday View Post
to dismiss with prejudice which is to hold it open for a year incase they had other evidence.

To Dismiss WITH prejudice means that he cannot bring the same case up in court again.....

WITHOUT prejudice leaves it open. So double check your papers from the court.
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