Correct me if I'm wrong but...
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 211
Correct me if I'm wrong but...
I'm editing this one.
I'm just having a hard time in Alanon. I believe that it is helpful for me but don't understand how some people appear to come just to 'be in the program'. I am only referring to one person that I have come across.
This program is for people who have had alcohol effect their lives ( I thought). I didn't think it was for people who just want to live according to the 12 steps (with no history of alcohol).
NoDoubt
I'm just having a hard time in Alanon. I believe that it is helpful for me but don't understand how some people appear to come just to 'be in the program'. I am only referring to one person that I have come across.
This program is for people who have had alcohol effect their lives ( I thought). I didn't think it was for people who just want to live according to the 12 steps (with no history of alcohol).
NoDoubt
Last edited by NoDoubt; 04-01-2003 at 02:30 PM.
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That is why there is a group conscience. Personally I would leave it alone. Principles not personalities. We are not going to like everyone in the program but we will love them all because we are all there for the same reason. And I would be leery of anyone who rolls their eyes while someone else speaks.
Sometimes meetings do turn into gripe sessions and it isn't comfortable for anyone. At my favorite meeting we had a changing leader who picked a subject and a reading and all who shared were to stay on that subject. It is not always what I thought I needed going in but I always came away with something. We also limited time...in our group conscience because it was a large group so we encouraged everyone to be brief. If someone repeatedly monopolized or got off the topic there were ways already in place to prevent that...kindly.
Hugs,
JT
Sometimes meetings do turn into gripe sessions and it isn't comfortable for anyone. At my favorite meeting we had a changing leader who picked a subject and a reading and all who shared were to stay on that subject. It is not always what I thought I needed going in but I always came away with something. We also limited time...in our group conscience because it was a large group so we encouraged everyone to be brief. If someone repeatedly monopolized or got off the topic there were ways already in place to prevent that...kindly.
Hugs,
JT
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Thanks JT
I edited my post.
I wasn't cofortable talking about the situation in depth.
Anyway, I understand it's better to just leave it alone. I just wish that monoplizing time needs to be addressed in this particular group.
NoDoubt
I edited my post.
I wasn't cofortable talking about the situation in depth.
Anyway, I understand it's better to just leave it alone. I just wish that monoplizing time needs to be addressed in this particular group.
NoDoubt
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Ogdensburg, NY
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Dear Nodoubt,
In my meeting, too, there is a different chairperson each time and we pick a topic or a reading and we take turns talking on that topic and no one interrupts or monopolizes. We take turns and then at the end of the meeting if people want to add something briefly they may. I feel lucky that I found such a great meeting. I think of you 0ften and hope you are working your program well.
Dancing Queen
In my meeting, too, there is a different chairperson each time and we pick a topic or a reading and we take turns talking on that topic and no one interrupts or monopolizes. We take turns and then at the end of the meeting if people want to add something briefly they may. I feel lucky that I found such a great meeting. I think of you 0ften and hope you are working your program well.
Dancing Queen
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Nodoubt,
What Searching said is something I have read and remembered too. Try a different group if possible. There were several that I went to. One was so large we broke into smaller groups. Another was so small that there wasn't enough input.
Or you could bring up your concern about monopolizing to a long time member or leader...perhaps others are feeling the same. There could be a vote.
Good luck!
Hugs,
JT
What Searching said is something I have read and remembered too. Try a different group if possible. There were several that I went to. One was so large we broke into smaller groups. Another was so small that there wasn't enough input.
Or you could bring up your concern about monopolizing to a long time member or leader...perhaps others are feeling the same. There could be a vote.
Good luck!
Hugs,
JT
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Basement
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Hi NoDoubt,
I am going to see if something is helpful to you that addicts/alcoholics learn in our 12 step programs. I am not sure if it applies to anons but I'm sure someone will let me know if it doesn't.
The concept comes from the BigBook. I remember reading it a million times but I can't remember it exactly. Basically it looks for the reason that someone else is upsetting your spiritual condition. We're told to look at what in ourselves is bothered or is effected by this other persons actions. Usually it turns out to be some kind of self centered fear or insecurity of our own that this other persons actions are bringing up for us. It's very enlightening.
Now I said this was a concept in AA, not Alanon technically...but it works for me in Alanon just the same
I am going to see if something is helpful to you that addicts/alcoholics learn in our 12 step programs. I am not sure if it applies to anons but I'm sure someone will let me know if it doesn't.
The concept comes from the BigBook. I remember reading it a million times but I can't remember it exactly. Basically it looks for the reason that someone else is upsetting your spiritual condition. We're told to look at what in ourselves is bothered or is effected by this other persons actions. Usually it turns out to be some kind of self centered fear or insecurity of our own that this other persons actions are bringing up for us. It's very enlightening.
Now I said this was a concept in AA, not Alanon technically...but it works for me in Alanon just the same
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Searching!!!
You double posted so I deleted one...then I posted commenting on your post. Now my post is in front of yours. First NoDoubt edits and takes out things I commented on and now I comment on your post before you post???
I am not smoking anything...really!!!
JT
You double posted so I deleted one...then I posted commenting on your post. Now my post is in front of yours. First NoDoubt edits and takes out things I commented on and now I comment on your post before you post???
I am not smoking anything...really!!!
JT
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Location: New York
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Sorry about all the confusion JT. I thought about speaking to someone in the group that has been around for a while. Just don't want to make waves.
Thanks for the input Searching. Maybe the fact that someone is monopizing the meeting bothers me because I feel that when I speak I am monopolizing? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm way out in left field. I need to read some literature. Any suggestions? Someone at alanon mentioned something about literature regarding recovery since my husband and I have both just begun recovery.
DQ - I think of you often too. I hope you are well.
NoDoubt
Thanks for the input Searching. Maybe the fact that someone is monopizing the meeting bothers me because I feel that when I speak I am monopolizing? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm way out in left field. I need to read some literature. Any suggestions? Someone at alanon mentioned something about literature regarding recovery since my husband and I have both just begun recovery.
DQ - I think of you often too. I hope you are well.
NoDoubt
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
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Hi No Doubt; The first thing I do is reminded myself the other person is in pain for what ever the reason, if the subject of their pain is always the same & I am chairing the meeting I might ask if they have talked to their sponsor about the whole thing... If I am not chairing I ask them after the meeting. After a certain length of time of going to meetings it seems to me that working with my sponsor one on one keeps me on course in meetings...If I keep bringing up the same problem over and over and not changing my direction or additude I am choosing to stay in the problem and not the soluation.
Sometimes, we may need to try a whole lot of different meetings before finding one that works ...I am so grateful my home group is in my home town and they work such a strong program...I hope you find a home group that works for you...These boards are truly wonderful...Keep coming back...It works!
The Book I love the best is Al-Anon's Paths to Recovery.
Sometimes, we may need to try a whole lot of different meetings before finding one that works ...I am so grateful my home group is in my home town and they work such a strong program...I hope you find a home group that works for you...These boards are truly wonderful...Keep coming back...It works!
The Book I love the best is Al-Anon's Paths to Recovery.
Last edited by Daffodil; 04-02-2003 at 02:43 PM.
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
No Doubt:Today I have some requirements for a sponsor, she has a sponsor herelf, attends meeting on regurlar basis, and works the steps. There a several ways you can get a sponsor, I found mine at a meeting in a near by town...ask your H.P. to help you find the right one..then when you are at meetings, there will be someone there who you can relate to, try to get to know them, and ask them if they will be your sponsor.
You can even get a temp. sponsor, some groups have someone who will do that...Our group is quite small, there are only about 7 regular members who attend weekly,( so if you count my regular sponsor you might say I really have 8 total), because we all are so very close in my home group they probably know me better than members of my family....In fact, my H. Group is my spiritual family...I hope this helps..The literature: I reconmend is
Daily reading of one of these: One Day at A Time
Courage to Change
Hope For Today
Each one of these books is a daily reader for me and I only read the page for each day..Since you are new, I'd start with One Day At A Time. We call it the ODAT. In the back of each of these books is an Index of Subjects that will be a big help to you deal with the challenges of a wonderful NEW way of life.. They also have the Steps, Traditions, and the slogans of Al-Anon. Our group does book studies from the Paths For Recovery three times a month....
I am so very happy that both you and your spouse are in recovery...It can be such a wonderful adventure for both of you...
Do take care...Keep coming back it works if you work it....
You can even get a temp. sponsor, some groups have someone who will do that...Our group is quite small, there are only about 7 regular members who attend weekly,( so if you count my regular sponsor you might say I really have 8 total), because we all are so very close in my home group they probably know me better than members of my family....In fact, my H. Group is my spiritual family...I hope this helps..The literature: I reconmend is
Daily reading of one of these: One Day at A Time
Courage to Change
Hope For Today
Each one of these books is a daily reader for me and I only read the page for each day..Since you are new, I'd start with One Day At A Time. We call it the ODAT. In the back of each of these books is an Index of Subjects that will be a big help to you deal with the challenges of a wonderful NEW way of life.. They also have the Steps, Traditions, and the slogans of Al-Anon. Our group does book studies from the Paths For Recovery three times a month....
I am so very happy that both you and your spouse are in recovery...It can be such a wonderful adventure for both of you...
Do take care...Keep coming back it works if you work it....
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