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just p###ed off and tired of it

Old 12-11-2006, 12:16 AM
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just p###ed off and tired of it

I hate, absolutely hate, how I have conflicting feelings and emotions still regarding my ex A partner. I am still concerned, still care about/for her, yet at the same time, I am still unbelievable p###ed off about the lies, the duplicity the dishonesty.
this has been and still is just crazy making for me.
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Old 12-11-2006, 01:01 AM
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I understand your anger. Nobody likes to have someone lie to them, play head games, treat them abusively, etc. But all of us who have been involved with an A have been there. However, as long as you remain pi**ed off at your ex, she still has power over you. It takes time to work through anger, but you owe it to yourself. She's no longer around to hurt you; now you are only hurting yourself.

Have you considered attending Al-anon and/or counseling? I think being able to vent, get over it, and then put the focus on yourself would be helpful. After all, you need to discover how you ended up with someone who stomped on you. You deserve better than that.
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Old 12-11-2006, 02:10 AM
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Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!!
 
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Hi Kent, Anger is just that an emotion, you have every right to feel it. When we are treaded upon we get mad, then hurt, then sad, and at some point when we work our steps we get GLAD. Dishonesty really hurts, the one think I tell my husband is what ever you do just don't lie to me. I can't tolerate a liar. At some point though we just need to forgive and try to forget. In the long run who are you really hurting by feeling this way, YOU. As long as we keep the cycle of thought going it hurts us emotionally and physically. I try to channel my frustration, I clean, walk, visit people, acts of kindness, you get the idea. Self serving you bet, All I can be is my very best me. Be well and with time you will heal, With Love, Kerry
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Old 12-11-2006, 03:17 AM
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mornin kentq
whew...well....i sure wish there were a short cut through the process of healing. but there isn't. i understand your feelings so very well....the loss, the anger, futility, hoplessness, fear. you just have to push through it to the other side. usually a period of restlessness, questioning, and misery during this process of acceptance, is followed by a tremendous growth spurt in our journey of healing.

it isn't easy, it hurts like hell.....and i'm so sorry you are yet another human dealing with the effects of alcoholism. it's a cruel, cruel disease.

during my moments of struggles with acceptance of xah choices, i can become so angry......questioning the label of "disease", feeling the devastation of my marriage.....my love, my hopes, my dreams....feeling the loss of the level of intimacy that we had achieved together....it just all plain hurts, kentq.

it's not fair, nothing makes sense about any of it except one thing.....it is what it is....and we cannot change it. all we can do is get glad in the same pants we got mad in, and push through to the other side.

it pisses me off so badly that now i am faced with living without my partner....i miss the good times, i miss who he used to be, i miss feeling loved. and it's been many years since he was able to show me love in everyday gestures, with kindnesses, secret little gestures between us, i miss the feeling of being emotionally safe with the one i love.

our souls literally starve for the affection, but our partners have become people that we do not recognize. so we must provide these things for ourselves, probably for the first time in many of our lives....we have to learn to love ourselves.

it will be ok, kentq. just push through this day, and hold on. it gets better.

love to you
jeri
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