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Understandng bi-polar ex :(

Old 12-09-2006, 09:43 PM
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Understandng bi-polar ex :(

Hi, my b/f just broke up with me a few weeks ago, without really telling me the reasons, just that is was over. He will not talk to me, return calls or emails. Unfortunately we work together! He is an alcoholic and I believe Bi-Polar (runs in his family and he exhibits the symptoms) he will not seek treatment and he is now back with this ex girlfriend who is also drug/alcohol addicted and she has failed rehab several times. I can't comprehend why he left me when I was trying to help him get help and he went back to her, he looks terrible, do bipolar's have a hard time REALLY committing? Or is it because I have NO addictions and he feels he can only be with someone else who has similar problems? I of course am devastated and working with both of them is becoming a nightmare for me. Could someone please explain the mindset of this man who went on and on about how much he despised this woman, he filed a human resource compliant on her etc several months ago and NOW he's back with her? Please offer some adivce here, should I be thankful he is gone? I"ve had to bail him out of jail, clean his apt etc. I own my own home and am fairly stable, so what did I do wrong? Thank you all for your time.
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Old 12-10-2006, 10:56 AM
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hi kwhit, you didn't do anything wrong.

Yes, many times addicts find other addicts to be with. It isn't about a relationship, it's about being with someone who supports their habit.

Have you read Co-Dependent No More?
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Old 12-10-2006, 05:15 PM
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He just wants to be with someone who will support his addictions. It's nothing personal,it's just their usual self-centered bs.

Ngaire
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Old 12-10-2006, 08:14 PM
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kwhit - hi and welcome - my husband of 22 yrs did the same thing to me....be glad that you werent married to him. read my past threads and you will understand.. my husband wasn't by polar but hooked up with a drug and alcohol bi-polar from the bar. He married her but not before he was infected with std's...and just like your man...he swore he hated that kind of woman.
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Old 12-11-2006, 02:29 AM
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Oh Hun, I am sorry he did this to you. You did nothing wrong, he is just a creep. You have your head on straight and he needed an enabler. You may not see it now hun but she did you a favor. One of these days when I see my ex's late girlfriend who may think I dislike her. I will shake her hand and say thanks I am not mad at you, she saved me from a life of hell. Thank God I moved on. I would never have married and had 2 great kids. A few years from now you will see my point. Is there another part of the company you could ask to be moved to or possible a new job, nothing worse than having it rubbed in your face. I know you aren't ready to hear it right now sweetheart but move on there are plenty of fish in the sea you can't save this one. He is on the path of self destruction and you don't want to be along for the ride. With Love, Kerry

PS Welcome To SR Keep coming Back
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Old 12-11-2006, 10:45 AM
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Bipolor ex b/f

Well I appreciate all the support you guys! Now the story has changed up in a weird way. He isn't back with his ex, they have mutual friends and run into each other and he told her NO he wasn't going back with her, he needed time to get his life straightened out and will only talk to her at work casually, well of course she's constantly at his desk, which is his problem. I don't chase him etc. But when he was asked why he didn't even talk to me, he said I can't, it would be too easy to get back in a relationship with her, I"ve hurt her and don't want to drag her through the hell I'm going to go through for at least the next year with AA! So I don't know that may all be B.S. on his part and he may just be acting like that to look like the good guy, who knows. But before he left me, he did tell me, it scared him how his actions were tearing me down, my health was starting to suffer and he was afraid he would fail me time and time again. So for his sake I hope he is getting help, and yes deep down a part of me still hopes in a year he'll come back whole to me. But only God has that answer. Meanwhile I'm keeping myself open to possibilities with other guys that I am seeing VERY casually.
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Old 12-11-2006, 11:16 AM
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I too work with my exAbf/F. It's difficult. It makes it very hard if not impossible to detach. However I refuse to leave because it's not likely I'd find another job like mine so close to home and I have great benefits. Fortunately for me and my A we have always kept our relationship at work very professional. And we work in separate depts. I have read that A's often think of work as very important to them, (if only for the money to continue drinking). Hopefully your ex considers work important and you two can at least both individually focus on your job.

You should read many of the threads on here and you will find that it's really for the best that you're away from this man. I think we all have some hope that our A's will one day see the light and come back to us. I also think that it's not wrong to feel that way. But regardless you must go on with your life. Everything always works out if you let your mind relax and turn things over to your Higher Power.
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Old 12-11-2006, 12:25 PM
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Thank you Sketcher and you are right, by turning everything over to God it is easier. We are professional at work, however, his avoidance of me is becoming a big issue with everyone and of course it hurts, but I never let anything touch my job and the pay and benefits are WAY too good to give up. So he's gonna just have to buck up and learn to not look so devastated everytime he looks at me. Also, when I do have to talk to him, his ex jumps up and tries to stand between us, which is kinda funny and I'm just like, hey this is business, I ignore her do what I have to do and walk away. Actually he seems more torn up than I am. Weird huh? Have a great day!
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