sketscher

Yesterday I wrote how I declined to give my AF a ride to a bar/Christmas party. Well this a little while ago he called, I didn't answer and he left this message:

"I don't even know why I called you, you know what, I don't even consider you a friend anymore, so have a nice day"

Though I've heard these statements made to others in his life and he always seems to conveniently forgive them, I must admit I am pretty hurt by this. I cried a little bit. I got a little angry thinking about all that I've forgiven of him and this one little thing is enough to make him say that! I got a little scared because we work at the same company and hope he doesn't cause trouble (however, there isn't anything I do that would jepordize my job unlike him — written up for inappropriate comments and being late).

And I really felt the need to come here and have you guys reiterate how sick A's are.

embraced2000

of course he is agitated with you sketscher....you got in the way of his relationship with his true best friend...his alcoholism. his plans did not run smoothly to meet with his friend, his alcoholism, his baby. he will protect his baby as much as a mother will protect her newborn baby. anything gets in the way.....it's off with their heads!!!!!

they will tantrum like a big ole baby huey if you try to interfere with their friend, their alcoholism.

i understand how hard it is to not take it personally, but we all know difficult that can be when they are pushing all the right emotional buttons.

we are nothing more than the catalyst they need to continue their relationship with their true lover and best friend, their alcoholism.

jmho

sorry your feelings are hurt., but you must remember these actions are coming from a very sick person....just because he quacks it, doesn't make it the gospel. he's just quacking.

love to you
jeri

sketscher

Thanks Jeri. I always love your replys. I think it was you that wrote the other day "God must have cut all the A's from the same dough and just decorated them a little different". I love that!! It's been in my head since I read it.

He called back, left another message to say he guessed that he "didn't mean what he said, it's just one of those days". Called again about 1/2 hr ago, my dad was here talking with me about art and NORMAL stuff — I had to run and turn down the volume in case he decided to be rude again — but he left no message.

CatsTail

Boo hoo hoo hoo, bunch of ball babies they are.

He just wants to get back at you for saying NO!

Ngaire

reader

Oh Well, life's a b****, find your own ride!!! With friends like that who needs enemies. Take the high road, he is just being mean and he was probably hung over. Cut your louses and find some new friends. Take care, Kerry

sketscher

HA Kerry! I like your response. I was thinking the same thing and I guess this is what I expected in some form to happen. I told him weeks ago I would no longer be around him while drinking. I suppose he thought I wasn't serious til now, WHO KNOWS. All I know is that if my former "acceptance" of his drinking was the only thing holding us together then good riddance.

Of course I still care. I am curious if he's feeling differently today. I don't want him to hate me. I want to tell him once and for all that "I love you and I refuse to participate in your alcoholism anymore". I know it won't do any good but it would give me peace of mind.

reader

Peace of mind is important! If it will help u get closure with your F I would say just what u did. If he doesn't like it he can lump it!!!!

nocellphone

Sounds like run-of-the-mill alcoholic emotional manipulation to me...

I imagine you'd feel quite relieved to say this to him out loud. His disease might not like it, but I don't see that as your responsibility.

The disease of alcoholism hates honesty...

sketscher

Thank you nocellphone. I did feel it was my responsibility but YOU are RIGHT! I have decided just to leave it alone.

I did make a mistake today in e-mailing a coworker today about whether my exabf is there (because I was concerned if he was allright-DUH!!!). I figured since he'd never find out it would be harmless. But instead my coworker has to play with my head by telling me exabf is looking at some pretty girl in the office during a meeting. It does bug me to know that I do feel slight jealousy over that (and also that I better not trust my coworker with my worrys). Not sure how to handle those feelings. Will they just fade in time? Jealousy I mean. It scared me to think I might never be ok with letting him go.

reader

Jealousy!!!! I know u may have feelings for him still. Every time u feel this way grab a piece of paper and write down ever crummy thing he ever did to you. That should remind u why u are better off alone or dating a healthy person. The best revenge is living well, take care of u and make your life the very best it can be. Let the pigs wallow were they may---- your coworkers sound like pieces of work. I would do my work and get the hell out of there!!! Take Care, Kerry

mallowcup

He doens't know why he called you but you do, who else is he going to call. As detached as you are, you are still probably his best shot at a ride. He actually got to kill two birds with one stone. He got to make a rotten remark as if you had failed him in some way and he may have gotten the ride he was looking for. He set you up to prove you were his friend by giving him a ride. Truth is if you were in trouble there'd be no sense in calling him for help would there? To have a friend you have to be a friend. He's no friend to you.

sketscher

Thank you Reader and Mallow! I'm about to go back to work today after my long weekend and I needed those remarks. I began to write down some recent events last night to serve as a reminder. It really does help. And it is true that normally I couldn't count on him, at least not in the same way he could count on me. I let him take advantage that is for sure. And being codie I made myself available always to "help" him in many ways. This is the first time I suppose that I flat out refused him and it's just shocking that it was enough to make him lash out like that.

THANKS!!!!