Time for BIG decisions
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Meg,
So glad your A is alright. Keep doing the right thing for you and it will be better.
I can identify with how you were feeling because, in the past, I have worried about all the 'what if's'. But I've learned that nearly all of the time those 'what if's' never even come to be. Kinda like what Mark Twain said. "I've had many problems in my life, most of which never happened."
Hang in there, Meg. You're doing good. You really are....
Keeping you in my prayers,
Hangin' In
So glad your A is alright. Keep doing the right thing for you and it will be better.
I can identify with how you were feeling because, in the past, I have worried about all the 'what if's'. But I've learned that nearly all of the time those 'what if's' never even come to be. Kinda like what Mark Twain said. "I've had many problems in my life, most of which never happened."
Hang in there, Meg. You're doing good. You really are....
Keeping you in my prayers,
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Basement
Posts: 724
Oh my god, Meg
How awful. You must be going crazy. My husband has done a lot of things but he's never just not come home. Everyone gave you some great advice so I am just going to add my two cents in what seems to be coming straight from my gut. I just don't know how you're dealing....I feel so bad...what he's doing is so disrespectful. Spending all your money and not coming home for days on end. I really hope for your kids and for you that you stay strong and follow through with what you feel will be best for you.
I know that it's very overwhelming and scary but you're not alone. There are people who care about you here. Please keep us posted.
How awful. You must be going crazy. My husband has done a lot of things but he's never just not come home. Everyone gave you some great advice so I am just going to add my two cents in what seems to be coming straight from my gut. I just don't know how you're dealing....I feel so bad...what he's doing is so disrespectful. Spending all your money and not coming home for days on end. I really hope for your kids and for you that you stay strong and follow through with what you feel will be best for you.
I know that it's very overwhelming and scary but you're not alone. There are people who care about you here. Please keep us posted.
Last edited by Stephanie; 04-01-2003 at 06:56 PM.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Meg, So thankful that he called for help and that you can be relieved that for now he is OK.
You made some great progress and took very brave steps. I think you are doing a super job at putting things in place for yourself! and yes your boundaries are very reasonable and in my opinion the best thing you could do to take care of you and the children.
Hug those kids and get plenty of rest, tomorrow is a new day and you will be ready.
Constant
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful" Hebrews 10:23
You made some great progress and took very brave steps. I think you are doing a super job at putting things in place for yourself! and yes your boundaries are very reasonable and in my opinion the best thing you could do to take care of you and the children.
Hug those kids and get plenty of rest, tomorrow is a new day and you will be ready.
Constant
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful" Hebrews 10:23
Learning to love life...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Thank you ann... For making me feel like I am NOT the only one; that others have truly been where I am. I listen to you, and am so comforted by your calmness... You truly have a special gift.
Constant, I love what you said at the end: "Hug those kids and get plenty of rest, tomorrow is a new day and you will be ready". I am feeling exactly that. So much gratitude for the gifts I DO have... and I can almost see the doors opening up for me.
My A finally called me. Wow - it was a tough conversation. He was hit so hard this time. He lost possession of his truck on Saturday (cops took it away), he sold, for drugs, the necklace his mom had just bought for him (a gold chain with a cross, given to him with the words "you ARE worth saving"), he ALMOST committed armed robbery to get the next fix, when his Visa was confiscated. On Sunday he could have come home, and he almost did... but he decided that it was all over. He convinced himself to take his own life... and so it was OK to continue to use, because he was gonna die anyway. He blacked out most of yesterday and today. And I suppose somehow, by the grace of God, he held on to the glint of hope that he can crawl back out from all of this, and he picked up the phone and called his sponser. He is staying with him right now. His sponser told him that he should go to the hospital... not to detox, not because he thought he would OD... but because his sponser thought my A could take his own life at any given moment.
Now if that isn't scary... man, I don't know what is.
He wants me to bring him some clothes and some money for his sponser (for groceries... he said "don't give the money to ME"). I told him to call tonight and I would drop of the necessities.
I will keep posting to keep u up to date... but mostly for my sanity. This board gives me the wonderful outlet of "geting it all out"... and the best part is that you guys are all on the other end... loving and giving.
Thanks
Meg
Constant, I love what you said at the end: "Hug those kids and get plenty of rest, tomorrow is a new day and you will be ready". I am feeling exactly that. So much gratitude for the gifts I DO have... and I can almost see the doors opening up for me.
My A finally called me. Wow - it was a tough conversation. He was hit so hard this time. He lost possession of his truck on Saturday (cops took it away), he sold, for drugs, the necklace his mom had just bought for him (a gold chain with a cross, given to him with the words "you ARE worth saving"), he ALMOST committed armed robbery to get the next fix, when his Visa was confiscated. On Sunday he could have come home, and he almost did... but he decided that it was all over. He convinced himself to take his own life... and so it was OK to continue to use, because he was gonna die anyway. He blacked out most of yesterday and today. And I suppose somehow, by the grace of God, he held on to the glint of hope that he can crawl back out from all of this, and he picked up the phone and called his sponser. He is staying with him right now. His sponser told him that he should go to the hospital... not to detox, not because he thought he would OD... but because his sponser thought my A could take his own life at any given moment.
Now if that isn't scary... man, I don't know what is.
He wants me to bring him some clothes and some money for his sponser (for groceries... he said "don't give the money to ME"). I told him to call tonight and I would drop of the necessities.
I will keep posting to keep u up to date... but mostly for my sanity. This board gives me the wonderful outlet of "geting it all out"... and the best part is that you guys are all on the other end... loving and giving.
Thanks
Meg
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Basement
Posts: 724
Meg,
I am so happy you heard from him and everything is ok. You really are amazing. I am in awe of how well you are handling this. I have been reading your posts since you came here and you have just grown so much in your recovery. I hope this will be what he needs to surrender. It definitely seems like a bottom to me. He made a very wise decision going to his sponsors house. There he will get the help he needs. Now you can concentrate on you and your kids and getting rest.
I know that when Iwas going through stuff similar to this with my husband, this site saved my life. My behavior has become so much healthier in regard to how I would react to his actions. I used to obsess and not be able to sleep but today I know how important it is to take care of myself. Again congratulations on how well you've handled yourself through this, it's really an inspiration.
I am so happy you heard from him and everything is ok. You really are amazing. I am in awe of how well you are handling this. I have been reading your posts since you came here and you have just grown so much in your recovery. I hope this will be what he needs to surrender. It definitely seems like a bottom to me. He made a very wise decision going to his sponsors house. There he will get the help he needs. Now you can concentrate on you and your kids and getting rest.
I know that when Iwas going through stuff similar to this with my husband, this site saved my life. My behavior has become so much healthier in regard to how I would react to his actions. I used to obsess and not be able to sleep but today I know how important it is to take care of myself. Again congratulations on how well you've handled yourself through this, it's really an inspiration.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Taking your name off the business wont help, you will still be responsible. Is there any way you can start paying vendors with money orders or bank checks? Try to keep as little in the account as possible or find another bank that he doesnt know of to start depositing into, if he needs to sign you can probably trick him when he is using. Also open a personal account and start stashing money away for you and the kids. It sounds like it is time to give him a rude awakening, dont accept him back unless you can see a change for at least 6 months to a year.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 211
Yeah Meg!
I'm soooo glad to hear that he is OK (and so are you).
Now you probably need a little extra TLC so be good to yourself. Enjoy the day. If the whether is nice take yourself out for a walk or do something that you find relaxing.
He needs to take care of himself. The only thing that you need to do now is take care of yourself (and your kids, of course). Maybe this was his higher power's way (just getting used to that idea) of helping him out.
NoDoubt
I'm soooo glad to hear that he is OK (and so are you).
Now you probably need a little extra TLC so be good to yourself. Enjoy the day. If the whether is nice take yourself out for a walk or do something that you find relaxing.
He needs to take care of himself. The only thing that you need to do now is take care of yourself (and your kids, of course). Maybe this was his higher power's way (just getting used to that idea) of helping him out.
NoDoubt
Learning to love life...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Feeling a little "lighter" today
Hi Guys,
I am feeling pretty good today. This morning was the first time I woke up in 5 days and DIDN'T have a roaring headache. I feel lighter... like the weight has been lifted just a little bit. I also have to admit that I feel lighter because I have lost 5 pounds - I have not been eating much.
Frozen: we have sorted out all the business stuff for now... he has NO access to the money, no signing authority, and no credit cards. I talked to him last night
and he knows all of this now. I am DEFINATLY sticking to my guns... he cannot come back to me / us until he is clean. I think the 6 month boundary sounds about right... but it depends a lot on the behavior, and not just the sobriety.
No Doubt: This is my focus now... ME, The kids. I have been able (so far) to get workers for our company to cover his absence. And the rest is up to him! I have to admit that I still struggle with knowing the right words to say / the right next step... and I feel for his parents because they do not have a program, and they are falling apart. His mother is very emotional, his dad very rigid. My A has many issues with his dad... neither one of them is willing to talk to each other right now. His sponser came by the house last night (while my A was sleeping at his place) to grab some clothes / toothbrush etc. We had a good talk; His sponser, me, my A's mother. She is beginning to understand from our conversations that she needs help... his Dad? Not very willing.
Searching: I didn't really think about it, but yeah... I guess I have made a lot of prgress. It all just kind of happened because I was ready. I completely surrendered I guess... and just let my higher power take over. When you are ready and willing to work the program, it really does bring you thru it all.
Lyn: well, what can I say... when I talked to you that night in chat, I was inspired and strengthened. I mean someone was telling me that I WAS ok, and that it was OK to take those big steps! You have been very encouraging, and supportive... All of you have.
You know, I could write a novel right now... but I have to get to work. Maybe it will be novel writing time tonight! :p
Take care everyone
Meg
I am feeling pretty good today. This morning was the first time I woke up in 5 days and DIDN'T have a roaring headache. I feel lighter... like the weight has been lifted just a little bit. I also have to admit that I feel lighter because I have lost 5 pounds - I have not been eating much.
Frozen: we have sorted out all the business stuff for now... he has NO access to the money, no signing authority, and no credit cards. I talked to him last night
and he knows all of this now. I am DEFINATLY sticking to my guns... he cannot come back to me / us until he is clean. I think the 6 month boundary sounds about right... but it depends a lot on the behavior, and not just the sobriety.No Doubt: This is my focus now... ME, The kids. I have been able (so far) to get workers for our company to cover his absence. And the rest is up to him! I have to admit that I still struggle with knowing the right words to say / the right next step... and I feel for his parents because they do not have a program, and they are falling apart. His mother is very emotional, his dad very rigid. My A has many issues with his dad... neither one of them is willing to talk to each other right now. His sponser came by the house last night (while my A was sleeping at his place) to grab some clothes / toothbrush etc. We had a good talk; His sponser, me, my A's mother. She is beginning to understand from our conversations that she needs help... his Dad? Not very willing.
Searching: I didn't really think about it, but yeah... I guess I have made a lot of prgress. It all just kind of happened because I was ready. I completely surrendered I guess... and just let my higher power take over. When you are ready and willing to work the program, it really does bring you thru it all.
Lyn: well, what can I say... when I talked to you that night in chat, I was inspired and strengthened. I mean someone was telling me that I WAS ok, and that it was OK to take those big steps! You have been very encouraging, and supportive... All of you have.
You know, I could write a novel right now... but I have to get to work. Maybe it will be novel writing time tonight! :p
Take care everyone
Meg
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