constant

I usually post about my husband, but today it is about my Dad. Growing up my parents were "normal" if there is such a thing. There were no drunken brawls, no screaming, no beatings, just regular go to work Dad and homemaker Mom. They divorced when I was 19 which didn't really bother me much as I was in to my own life. My Mother never thought my Dad was an alcoholic (alcohol had nothing to do with the divorce) and niether did anyone else, but now he definately is.

My two oldest children were invited for a trip to Disney by my Aunt (Dad's sister) who live in Jax, FL. (several hours from home) She wanted my Dad to drive the boys down and they could take them to Disney. My Dad made every excuse in the book not to go, the war, he wouldn't feel right with people getting hurt and he was having fun, too expensive (my Aunt was footing the bill) y'all know the routine. Two days ago I finally asked him are you going are not. This call was made to him at 8:30am and he was DRUNK. He said I was pressuring him and I told him he was a grown man and could make his own decisions. He called his sis and told her they were coming, but after our conversation I decided I was kidding myself if I thought he could not drink and drive them down. SO this morning, I called and told him the trip was off! He wanted to know why and I told him that he had indicated he didn't want to go and I could tell that he had been drinking when we had talked. I told him I couldn't let him DRIVE my kids down not knowing whether or not he would drink. There was a HUGE awkward silence then some pouting and finally I love you and bye.

I feel SOOOOOO bad!!! I know I did the right thing, but I know once again, I slammed dunked my DAD. I HATE being the ONE to keep pointing out the fact that he has a problem. WHY ME!!!!!!!

NoDoubt

It's so hard dealing with parents that are alcoholics. I believe you did the right thing tough. Hang tough.

I too slam dunked a parent. My mother. My father has been in recovery for many years, but Mom still drinks. My husband has begun to go for help and my Mom says she is glad for him but feels bad that he has had a rough time recently. She talks about how he behaves in the the third person ('they to this", "they do that") when in fact she is part of the "they".

I addressed this slightly with her last weekend and she got very short with me. She quickly ended the phone conversation and that was that!

Anyway, in my family we don't discuss things much. So, a few days passed and she is talking to me, as though nothing was ever said.

I give up! I remeber opening bottles and dumping them down the drain when I was a teenager. No more.

Nodoubt

Gabe

right thing. There is no way you could have trusted him to drive your kids when you know (not suspect) that he is drinking. Why should you feel bad about this? You aren't the one causing the problem, you are just the one who pointed it out.
I had to call my mother on the carpet about her pain killer abuse a few weeks ago. I got staunch denial, but I know I was right. And I was tired of saying everything BUT "I know you're using again." I've reached the "ENOUGH" point with both of the addicts in my life. I'm tired of their destructive behaviors and I'm no longer afraid to tell them exactly how I feel. That's all a part of taking care of me and allowing myself to voice my feelings instead of bottling them up.
Peace,
Gabe

Live

Constant,

It is your responsibility to protect your kids. If your dad were thinking clearly, he would admire you.

Since he is not, we do.


live

constant

Thanks for the support, I know it was right, but when can I do the "right" thing and feel good about it? I just get tired of being the one. After all, I am an alcoholic magnet!!! They love me and I love them. How sick is that!?!?!

I am ready to pass the torch to someone else and take on a new responsibilty! No more "babysitting" jobs for me, I only do "grown-ups" from now on. or better yet, how about someone to take care of me for a change. Man does that sound NICE!! Go ahead honey, you do what you want, I'll make sure the kids get to where they need to be, the bills are paid and dinner is prepared and laundry isn't necessary, we'll just by new! Yeah, well I can dream anyway. Not really realistic, but it would be fun!

Gabe

Where do I sign up for that caretaker? I don't need it full time, but two days a week would be nice. I've spent too many years taking care of people and not getting enough of that back in return. If I were to consult an Asian physician, he would tell me that my yin and yang are totally out of whack.
Peace,
Gabe

constant

Thanks Gabe, I would be happy with just a couple of days a week, it works for me!

Ann

Constant, you did the right thing. You did the ONLY sane thing that could be done. And you know in your heart that you were right. So don't worry about what anyone else thinks, and don't take any guilt trips.

Now a trip to that island where we get to be looked after, where our every whim is served...sign me up too.

I used to tell my sponsor that I go to meetings now because of my son, but if anything ever happened to my husband (God forbid) and I was looking for a man....I would look for the biggest codependent I could find. Someone who got out of bed every morning just wondering what he could do today to make ME happy .