Drinking Coffee
 

Well I’m sitting here this morning drinking coffee, wondering what is real. You see I called over to say hello to Lady T last night to find out that she had gone out. Yep never wanted to go out when it was her weekend with her kids before, or at least with me.
I wonder what other lies there were and I do remember her telling me I’d be sorry to start up with her. It’s funny this one not only had red flags but she pointed them out to me.

I think all the broken dates of excuses of not doing anything was just a cover for dates or whatever they are. I seemed to be only good for her to have sex with. Now a lot of guys would wonder what’s wrong with that, but I need more.

The funny thing is that she went after me just as much I went after her, but in the end I guess her old habits were hard to break.
She told me she saw me getting hurt so it was best this way. Some game to play as adults huh?


Shame.

I went out last night and ran into the girl that was my wife’s made of honor at our wedding.
Yeah!


She had spoke to my ex just a couple weeks ago and know of a lot of wants going on. She wants to keep her distance from the drama.


Now the ex is facing jail for these last 2 DUI’s.
I got a call from the DA”S office the other day and they were looking for her. They are starting to prosecute her boyfriend for the time he beat her up and I saved her neck.

They want me to testify, I said ok no problem.

Nothing is what it seems it’s all smoke and mirrors and we are expected to wonder through it.

Are you sure that she went "out" as you are assuming the meaning of out - or is it possible that perhaps she went out christmas shopping or something? I guess I'd just hate to see you assume something that isn't true.

As for Lady T, I really am sorry that you are hurting right now. But from what I read of your posts, she is very messed up. Didn't she once tell you that she was F)(*&( up in the head? I realize that this hurts, but I also believe that an unhealthy relationship with someone is not the right answer - and seems to me that she is unhealthy-minded. As much as it hurts, I think you need to let her go. You are worth more than that.

Put the focus back on you and your recovery Mr C. Don't allow yourself to be sucked back into an unhealthy relationship. Healthy-minded people have healthy relationships.

Your maid-of-honor sounds very healthy!

I'm sorry, Mr. C, but yes, it does appear Lady T told you who she was and what she was about.

You will meet that healthy woman you are supposed to - don't give up! :-)

I second that! When it is meant to happen it will! Keep your chin up.

Mr.C,

One thing I've learnt, when they tell you they are messed up in the head BELIEVE THEM! When they make statements like "I'M A LOSER"!!!! BELIEVE THEM!!!! WHEN THEY SAY I NEED A MOTHER!!!!!!!!!! BELIEVE THEM!!!!
WHEN THEY SAY "I DON'T DESERVE YOU OR THIS." BELIEVE THEM!!!!!!!THEY ARE TELLING THE TRUTH!!!!!!

One thing I wanted to say to you about her wanting to have sex all the time. Sometimes and this goes for men and women too we may have a tendency to use sex the same as drugs and alcohol to numb our internal pain. We don't necessarily know that is what we are doing until we work on ourselves but that can be the case.

Ngaire

All valid points really.
You know I always assumwe things, read into thing that might not be there of create a event in my mind.
We have all been there.

No matter what happens now, with "T" or any other, I need to step back and let that mind of mine relax with such things.

She really is free to do as she pleases. She owes you nothing and she is not accountable to you. I know that sounds harsh. You assumed a destination with this woman who was pretty straight with you. If the relationship didn't turn out the way you wanted, that doesn't make her a liar. She may not have wanted to tell you in a cruel way that she just wasn't that into you. Isnt she recently divorced from an alcoholic? She should enjoy going out if she likes and she should not be jumping into a new serious relationship. You speak as though she has cheated on you, she has not. I wish you all the luck. I do feel the need to say that not all dating leads to something permanent. We can realy be into someone and as time goes on we lose interest , especially if casual dating becomes too serious too fast.

I want to qualify what I have said because I have given your situation some serious thought. You were with an alcoholic and when you thought you would never love again, you met Lady T. She was vulnerable and seemed to need a good man. It went well for awhile and then things cooled off. This broke your heart. Then you ran into this younger woman who seems to be a mover and shaker and you weren't so drawn to her. Maybe it's the women you find attractive that determines the outcome.

Well mallow.
.
No offence but really. When a woman calls you 3 times a day, visits or goes out with you twice a week, she is into something.
I guess I don’t buy into that “just not into you” crap, it’s just another excuse really.

As far as her being away from her “A”, it has been 7 years.

Now she calls me again this weekend, so yeah my head is spinning. Telling me she cares so much about me.

Now she wants to see me!!

Well, Mr. C, what do you think is going on here? And if you agree to see her, what would be your reason? Not criticisms - same questions I'd ask myself if in your shoes. Times like these are when the work happens - think it out and through and make an INFORMED choice, no matter what that choice is.

(I'm using caps because the italics doesn't work yet)

My reason for seeing her is the because of the way I feel for her.
I also know things dont happen over night.
Her feelings or reasoning might seem just as sane to her as anyone elses.


Telling me again about the alone time she has had and thinking about everything.
I did tell her I called on Friday and she had went out.
She said she was out, but she didnt "go out", whatever that means.

I think she has alot to think about , I assume.

Who knows?

Have you asked yourself if she is keeping you hooked because she knows you care for her? What was the answer?

She has told me that since she is mixed up right now she would not blame me I would move on.

I myself can not just move on that fast. Some people do, which I think means they really did not care that much to begin with.

She asked about my wekend and I told her about going out with friends, which I did.

She did seem a little worried about me dating even though she said she would understand.

So it is what is right now, and I told her Im sorry if I was coming on too strong, which I tend to do.

ok. I know for me, I spent too much time on my feelings of love for AH, and not questioning his actions. sometimes, it ISN'T just about me :-)

((()))

mr. c.....nothing to add....just to let you know i'm reading your thread....denny is right on....this is where our work begins.....when the stuff just keeps on happening....sooner or later, we have to dissect it all.

good luck
jeri

Yes I understand, it's not about me with the way she is doing things.
Will seh get though it? I don't know. She had told me that she was going to go to church today, and I know it's been some time since she has.

Sometimes if I question too much though I put too much into what she is doing.
So I need to put her aside and just go on through my day.

If she chooses to include me in the future and Im still there with her, then we need to talk.

Mr C,

Focus on you not on her. Do you want to be on this rollercoaster you have chosen to be on? If you don't you can jumpoff anytime.

Honestly, to you this dowesn't ring any bells about your ex_wife?

Ngaire

I have been attracted and dated men I found very intersting only to back off when they assumed I was accountable to them. I probably called them alot too. When a womans life has ben dictated by a man or a disease, they are particularly sensative to relationships that become something they have to answer to. The sheer freedom to come and go when she wants is heaven. Most women love the idea of love and the perfect man. In my opinion, it seems that you were pressuring this woman to define the relationship and she has progressively backed off. It stopped being fun and easy, it became one more thing that made her cry and feel defective. She may vascilate between paying te price to be in a relationship with you and finding it is just too smothering. Does she love the affection? Sure she does. Why must a woman who's been maried to an alcoholic have to be so harshily judged for not knowing for sure what she wants on someone elses schedule? If I had the conversation she has with you last week and you "accused" me of "going out last night" as if to say you caught me doing something, I would hope that someone would tell me to run. Women who have been married to an alcoholic are conditioned to apologize all the time. Many will start every sentence with, "I'm sorry". If you do love her then love HER not who you ned for ther to be, not for being the woman who finally responds to you the way YOU need.

This is just another aside. Going to church is great. I have had men assume that once I went to church, I would see the light and love them. When a man or woman has preconceived the will for someone elses life, they will probably get tehir feelings hurt. I have actually dated a man who felt that until I accepted him, I didn't understand what God had in mind for me. All I'm saying is for it to be right, let it define itself. Let the relationship evolve and grow with respect. You want what you want and I feel your words either approve or condemn this woman based on her willingness to be what you want when you want it. I'll be blunt as if I were talking to the women here. Don't let a man do this to you. How many of you will walk right back into what you just left? It is OK not to know what you want today. It's OK to find a man infatuating this week and not next week. Understand this, every person here wants to see you in a healthy relationship. I think you would make strides in your relationship progress if you asked the more important question here, to these women. "After being married to an alcoholic, what qualites are you looking for in a man?" Compare what women say to the person you are being and I think it will give you the recipe you need to find real love.

Sometimes is just as simple as: drama is needed to feel.

p.s. Mallow - I see where you are coming from, but not sure it applies here. JMHO