Drinking Coffee

Old 12-04-2006, 06:24 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
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Denny! Me? a boy toy?
I feel so cheap......
Ah, Superman, I've been a fan since I was a kid. As Im sure you have noticed he is braking though some chanes that were binding him. Like we all here try to break free of what alcohol has done in our lives. Now some will say no, you must think of yourself as saving these broken women or some psycho babble like that. Opps, there I go again speaking for more people then me, sorry I wont do that.
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Old 12-04-2006, 07:10 PM
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Mr. C:

Why is it when a woman desires a "no-strings" relationship, men assume there must be something wrong with her? You don't assume that of your male friends, do you?

And why is it when women are strong and independent and don't necessarily need a full-time partner to feel complete that men claim that "feminism" messed things up? Or that the woman herself is messed up?

Look around you, Mr. C. Thankfully, the world changed for women a long time ago. You seem to be stuck in a by-gone era. This is not the 1950s.

I have never had a need or desire to be married. I am not "half of a whole." I am complete by myself. I don't need a man in my life for financial reasons like women in the 50s and 60s did. I have as much earning power as any man, and more than most.

I don't need a man for companionship. I am completely comfortable spending time alone. I don't need to be taken care of. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

I don't need to spend time with a partner on a daily basis. I spend weekends only with my partner. That way, I can devote my time to taking care of my needs during the week and do anything I please.

Does all of this mean that feminism has ruined me? No, it means it has freed me to pursue the same things that men have freely pursued for centuries before us. I think the declining marriage rates show that today's women no longer need a man to feel complete.

I think what we want is a man to compliment our life on OUR terms.
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Old 12-04-2006, 07:18 PM
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I like what she said :-)

Mr C - is that a sense of humor showing? I'm still skeptical on that Superman explanation, but as you wish LOL.
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Old 12-04-2006, 07:35 PM
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An dyou see Mr.C I have the same complaint about men they are afraid of commitment and they need a MOM!
I'm done MOMMING!

Ngaire




Originally Posted by Mr. Christian View Post
No, no offence taken really. I have found though with some people here and a lot of people in Alanon, that the direction of fault always lies in us. Which is rather amusing because if everyone in the world felt that way then everyone would be at fault therefore everyone would be wrong.
Fact is that there is a lot of people afraid of commitment, afraid to make a move on their own and afraid to think without finding a path from a book.

Some things in life are not black and white, not shades of grey but can be vivid in color.
I think we see this with the vast differences in opinion here that I have seemed to have drawn here.
It is funny that Mallow would tell her girlfriend what to do, I say that’s a 1st step issue. (HEHEH)

Yes I do have a sponsor, and we have gone through 4 and 5. You see the thing with that again is the past relationships.

I try not to judge a person from others I have met, not fair to them really. So why should I be judge on past event either? Life seems to be ever changing, and we pick up things from everyone.

I never really stated that all women must change, in fact I don’t think I stated that at all.
I really did not see anything about their families either…where did that come from?

When I made the statement about not leaving the house I was I was being sarcastic really.
You know so I would never run into a friend of my ex. I mean come on now, what are odds?

I think I must have touched an emotion or two with the commitment thing. Was I making a generalization?
Damn right I was. You see I do have friend of mine that have seen the same thing with women out there. It seems a lot of them just want a good time when it seems that there are guys like myself that want more then that.

What happened to the time when women looked for that in a man?
Did feminism mess that up also?
I don’t know.
I think this did entertain a lot of ideas her and I’m grateful to that.

It gave me some good things to think over and it also showed again how some people think
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Old 12-04-2006, 07:36 PM
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Humor? nah ..

Am I Stuck in a by-gone era?

No my friend I know the times, teenage pregnancy is up, marriage and children are disposable and there is no respect for authority. No I know the world I live in.

As for the declining marriage rate and the break down of the family, yes it’s here and wow what a wonderful time it is.

I’m glad you feel complete and I’m sure you have your reasons for justifying everything you just stated. We see the moral decay on TV all the time. Shows like Springer and Oprah, yes dear Oprah, have made in common and excepting to have “transsexual pygmy nuns and the farm animals that love them”, as such topics so we may except them.

Every bad behavior is now excused with a new decease of some strange condition to make lack of moral judgement or no self-control expectable.

No I think that a woman does not need a man to feel complete, nor does a man need that in a woman. Those of us that do have love to share do it and want to be loved. Those who can not share that choose to be alone.
It’s a matter of taste.

But I do love the feminist movement I could stand behind them and watch them walk all day….
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Old 12-04-2006, 07:57 PM
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Hey Mr. C..... good to see you again.

I totally understand what you are talking about in the inconsistant actions of someone your dating. That one is a struggle for me and as was very recently pointed out to me .... its their actions.... that you have to watch not what they are saying. Im still somewhat confused by this as well.... To me it seems that a person is innocent till proven differently, which means that I will believe there words till they prove differently with their actions... but then again my best thinking is what got me here. I really struggle when someone Im interest in goes back and forth on what they want.... Im learning that if there actions are also inconsistant its a red flag that Im better off just walking away from the relationship... that is not to say they are bad/sick people or that we could not be friends, it just says that Im very gun shy of that type of behavior and I dont have the want/time to figure it out, I would rather just stay there friend and not get emotionally involved.

FD is right on with how I think as well. I would like to marry again and have a long term committed relationship but I dont -need- one. I am very happy to be by myself and at times really prefer it. Even though one day I would like to marry again does not mean Im seeking that in every man I date, there are men I date just because I enjoy their companionship but I know I would not have a long term committed relationship with them.... and dating does not mean I am sleeping with them either. But even if I choose to sleep with someone, that does not always mean I want to marry them.... It means Im human an adult and over 21. It is a mutual understanding and there are no suprises and I dont think there is anything wrong with being sexual with someone as long as everything is out on the table with my/his intentions. Im very honest when Im with someone, if I know I dont want a "relationship" with a man, I tell him up front that Im not interested in that.... and also let them know that I do enjoy their company and if they want to continue going out for companionship I would enjoy that.

Is that lack of respect for myself? Is that sleeping around? I dont think so, Im close to a person I sleep with. He is not just some Joe I pick up. We do have a relationship but we both know that it will not lead to anything more committed and there are ground rules in place about only being with each other... I dont think a man that is honest with me from the jump is a player.... I think he just does not want a marriage/committed relationship and its my choice if I choose to be with him...... so why would it be any different for me?
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Old 12-04-2006, 08:15 PM
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My Cape Is at The Cleaners
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Hi Cynay,
Well thinking about it you sound a lot like the woman Ive been seeeing and talking about. In more or less words. I see your point really, but with me and my cave mann thinking, I seem to be a little more romantic if you will.
I still believe in it, no matter what has happened in my past or what I went through. I wont let past wrongs make me bitter to love, I do believe in it.

I do like having someone to share things with, and yes take care of each other, as wrong as that is to some.

I saw this on another site:

A man can love a thousand women, but it takes a real man to love one woman a thousand ways.

I still believe there are women out there that do want a relationship and are healthy enough to keep one.
It may not be the one I have been with, but Im sure she is out there.
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Old 12-04-2006, 08:23 PM
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Ahhhh sweetie....

Im not bitter to love. I do want to marry again. I also do believe that I will meet someone special that is able to love me a thousand ways. Im very much a romantic and look forward to one day finding that relationship.

At the same time I will not live my entire life searching for that one relationship because I believe that when its the right person and time I wont have to search at all.... we will find each other...... But I also enjoy people, and enjoy companionship. I think of dating more like enjoying the friendship of men, I think of a relationship as one step further then that and in a relationship I will be physical with them.... Im not going to close myself off to the possibilites but I will also keep my eyes wide open for the red flags that would tell me marriage is not possible for me with that person.... It is usually after the "bloom"/"6 months or so" wears off that you really start seeing the real person and the red flags.... at least for me. I would never get to that point if there was not a physical relationship.

I guess it boils down to trust and honesty.
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Old 12-04-2006, 08:26 PM
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Mr.C, did she give you the belief that this was a committed long term relationshp? And is that what you want w/ her?
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Old 12-05-2006, 04:50 AM
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Mazey..

As things went forward we talked more about plans for trips and doing more together.
She started to call more and come by the house more. She talked more about her life and things that were going on with her kids.
She also started to talk to her parents about me and mentioned me meeting them.

Now as far as what I would like, yes I was looking in that direction also.
This was 1st one that I started to date in the 3 years Ive been alone that I even gave thought of as anything further.

She did tell me that she felt this going forward with her feelings also, something that she did not expect.

So with all that, the sudden breaks that were put on is what got me.
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Old 12-05-2006, 05:08 AM
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mornin mr. c
in a nutshell......what i gather from reading bout lady t and yourself.......

you met. it was fun. chemical soup got stirred. butterflies a flittin, and emotions flowing. time passed. the atmosphere changed.....the butterflies settled down, things looked clearer.....and one of this pair decided it wasn't what they really wanted, after all. break-up time rolled around....mixed signals sent. dysfunctional breakup......there's a reason so many songs are written about break-ups....they are hard to do.

after the new wore off, perhaps there was just nothing there for her. now, that doesn't mean you are not worthy.....this happens all the time to millions of people trying to date.

hope your day is better
jeri

and hey.....don't be dissin my queen....oprah. yes....oprah for president, i say. and she has never had transgendered pygmy nuns!!!! (or whatever you said she spotlighted), she is all about weight, poop shape, and hedonistic pleasures....
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Old 12-05-2006, 05:34 AM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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Poop shape?
I think I'll take the nuns...I'm not sure if that's what it is. She called again on Saturday telling me she rode by the house on her bike a few times but she did not see me.
She was even talking about finding time so we can see each other.
SO there is a lot of mixed signals here.
When she started the distance she told me that this felt like a relationship and that was not what she was looking for. Now that she felt she had one, she got confused with her feelings and wanted to make sure of her emotions.

When she did call I told her that I did not think I was going to hear from her, and she thought I was wrong in saying that.

I tell you, my head is spinning in trying to figure her out and all the back and forth stuff she is doing. I guess I need to except that she is taking her time to decide what she really wants and leave it at that.
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Old 12-05-2006, 07:08 AM
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Good thought, Mr. C. Leave it alone awhile....while you are waiting, think about your comment 'I come on too strong', take your time. It has been said, if your prior relationship was very good, people are anxious for another one, I think it can be the opposite too. Give her the respect of letting her 'sort' this out....and hopefully she will respect your needs in return. Simple? heehee Never!
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Old 12-05-2006, 07:22 AM
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mr c

i always hear a "yes..........but........" in your posts.
i recongize it cause i did it a lot in the past....still do at times. it kept my head spinnin too.

jeri
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Old 12-05-2006, 07:31 AM
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I think the drama that is going on now is a good indication of the drama that will continue throughout any relationship. JMHO
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Old 12-05-2006, 07:49 AM
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that's the way all my past relationships were, denny.....i kept having the same relationship.....just different man each time. finally figured out i had something to do with it.

jeri
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Old 12-05-2006, 07:53 AM
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I hope along the way I have gained wisdom. I feel I have and the measure I use is the level of confidence and conviction I feel about the decisions in my life. I do feel that we are all one brave decision away from having the life we want. We stop ourselves because in truth, no one can stop us. We can make bad decisions, one after the next. We can ignore red flags. We can look back AGAIN and wonder what happened. Truth is, the statements you are making about this on again /off again relationship only speak of doom. If it were meant to be, wouldn't more be clicking? Wouldn't it be a little less filled with confusion? Wouldn't it include a woman who likes you two days in a row? We can bring rain into a perfectly sunny day by forgetting the joy of the journey and pushing to get to the desination. I have come to find some characteristics absoutely erotic. I love people who know what they want, I love people who spring out of bed in the morning. I love people with goals and well wishes for others. I love people who are not the hub or their own cunundrum. I love to see smiles and I love good news. I hate whining. I get bored with victims. I love a good plan. There are certainly sorrowful times in life. There are as many joys.
Right now it is 10:50 am. At 10:51, I can step over a line to a whole new life. I have literally drawn a line in the sand. All the junk on the side I'm standing on, all the settling, the lamenting, the blaming and anger, the bad choices, the red flags that where pelting me in the face, the compromising, the abandonment of my core convictions...........When you are ready you will step over that line for yourself and say, you know what?......I want to be with someone I can count on, someone who isn't screwed up. I'm never going to talk someone into loving me or selling myself to a woman who isn't sure she wants me. Don't you find people who can't make a decision very unlikely to ever be what you are looking for? At some point, adults say OK! that's enough. I know who I am and what I want, I want an adult relationship with another adult. This drama and trama, the on and off, the tears and words of rejection followed by rides by your house are just evidence of a screwed up person. People who alledge to be in a constant state of confusion eventually use that to do nothing with their lives. At some point you have to be proactive in your own life. I do have a bit of a warriors heart. Pick up the darn sword and start pursuing and defending the life you want. I literally had a vison some years ago. I was waiting to see what life would bring, I literally saw myself standing before a big door waiting for it to open an invite me in. "Has it ever occurred to you to walk up and open the door and walk through it?" It had not ocurred to me.
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Old 12-05-2006, 08:27 AM
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Hi Mr. C. I really get a kick about reading the Mr.C thing that was my ex's name; too long of a last name so they called him Mr. C.haahaha. I get a wierd flashback thing going as I read. LOL. Ok, seriously, maybe this is nutshelling too much but I hear this as I read your posts "the dance" I am guilty of the dance too. The I am thinking this (so it must be true) and then I want your love so here i am full on and then the other person doing the same then getting scared and pulling away and then you pull away and then they come back. I lived it and I still do in a different way. What has happened to me over the years from being a good dancer (wink) where are the smilies? anyway, I softened my steps so now I know when I am dancing and I try very hard to stop. I tell myself (your thinking whatever it may be) (stop it) talk to the person in question about whatever it is I was thinking from the I perspective and see what happens. For example: I absolutely love my AH it is paining me because of my past as a child. With the holidays approaching AH's children are coming home right now in my head I am running away from AH why? he loves them more than me and will spend more time with them and will ignore me. this is what goes on in my funky codie brain. I mean no wonder I am worn out with what I feel in other areas and how i feel as a codie ugh!! Worn out completely. So I see this thing here a little differently. I see the codie dance. Just my opinion. I hope this is somewhat clear. My head is kinda mashed (not moonshined) hahaha.
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Old 12-05-2006, 08:46 AM
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If it isn't simple, it isn't close to God (or truth).

We can complicate everything.
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Old 12-05-2006, 01:06 PM
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Mr. C it seems to me u are hurt!! You have a right to be, sometimes just giving your feelings a voice does help. You had your heart on the line and you had feelings for her. I understand. You gave it your all and it didn't work out. I am sorry. K
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