how do you let go.........
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: rochelle, il
Posts: 7
how do you let go.........
this may sound like a dumb question, but how do you let go and let God take over. i am a religious person, but have had internal conflicts with God for several years. i have heard many times if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. i have also heard God will not put you through something that you can not handle. but how, how do i let go and let him take over. i am a very codependent person and i have to be the one to sove everybodys problems. that is my nature. i am trying to change that, i bought the book, co dependent no more, and it is helping, but then my mind and emotions start working and it all goes down the tubes. and i want to let go and let Him take control, but i dont know how. i pray, but it seems so many times the prayers are unanswered, and that frustrates me. i know it sounds like a am rambling on and on, but this website has helped me greatly over the last 12 hours. thank you guys so much and i still need a lot of help. please hang in there with me. jen
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi Jen,
Learning to let go is the hardest thing for us codies to do. We have been in or tried to be in control for so long that the mere thought of handing it over, even to our HP, terrifies us and we simply don't know how!
What has helped me a lot in this area is to look at all the times in my life where I actually did step back and allow God to take over. And every single time, things turned out ok. My shrink once said to me, "How dare you think you know better than God?" She was half-joking, but it sure made me realize that by comparison, I really was out of my league!!
It's actually a relief to not feel so responsible for everyone else's life and to just worry about my own. I used to wake up each morning asking my husband how he was feeling, if hewas going to a meeting, when he was coming home, etc. Well, it drove both of us nuts! One day out of sheer frustration - probably a result of him giving me the "wrong" answer to one of my endless questions - I just said "I give up - I can't do this anymore - you're on your own!" I didn't mean I was leaving him, I just meant I couldn't try to work his recovery anymore. And the most amazing thing happened - he worked his program and he stayed clean - all without my help! I finally realized that whatever plan my A's HP had for him and his recovery, it had nothing to do with me.
Think of all the things you could be doing instead of trying to solve everyone else's problems. Actually, the thought probably puts you at a loss. I know it's taking me a while to try to find my own life that doesn't revolve around controllling someone else's. But you can do it - you should be enjoying your life, not living in fear and trying to save everyone. Don't worry about trying to change overnight. It took you a while to become a codie, so just take things one day at a time.
We're here for you and will hang in with you as long as you need us to!
Hugs,
JG
Learning to let go is the hardest thing for us codies to do. We have been in or tried to be in control for so long that the mere thought of handing it over, even to our HP, terrifies us and we simply don't know how!
What has helped me a lot in this area is to look at all the times in my life where I actually did step back and allow God to take over. And every single time, things turned out ok. My shrink once said to me, "How dare you think you know better than God?" She was half-joking, but it sure made me realize that by comparison, I really was out of my league!!
It's actually a relief to not feel so responsible for everyone else's life and to just worry about my own. I used to wake up each morning asking my husband how he was feeling, if hewas going to a meeting, when he was coming home, etc. Well, it drove both of us nuts! One day out of sheer frustration - probably a result of him giving me the "wrong" answer to one of my endless questions - I just said "I give up - I can't do this anymore - you're on your own!" I didn't mean I was leaving him, I just meant I couldn't try to work his recovery anymore. And the most amazing thing happened - he worked his program and he stayed clean - all without my help! I finally realized that whatever plan my A's HP had for him and his recovery, it had nothing to do with me.
Think of all the things you could be doing instead of trying to solve everyone else's problems. Actually, the thought probably puts you at a loss. I know it's taking me a while to try to find my own life that doesn't revolve around controllling someone else's. But you can do it - you should be enjoying your life, not living in fear and trying to save everyone. Don't worry about trying to change overnight. It took you a while to become a codie, so just take things one day at a time.
We're here for you and will hang in with you as long as you need us to!
Hugs,
JG
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Wow, I read this earlier and thought about it. Final conclusion for me anyway is....."It's not easy". I am still certain I don't let go completely of things but I give it my best shot and eventually it got easier to do.
Remember.....baby steps.....and one day at a time.....you don't have to do everything all at once. With practice it will become easier.
Hugs,
Debbie
Remember.....baby steps.....and one day at a time.....you don't have to do everything all at once. With practice it will become easier.
Hugs,
Debbie
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
"Hanging on" is an acquired habit
that you can't break overnight. It works better for me if I take it one step at a time. One of the first things I used was "for every negative thought I have, I have to have two positive ones." It was so sad that I literally had to force myself to have positive thoughts. I also use gratitude when my head becomes full of the things that I like to "hang onto". I spend some time talking to God about all the blessings in my life that I am grateful for. This time is not allowed to be cluttered by my requests, just a time to say thank-you. It's my feeling that God can't give me what I need if there is no room for it. In other words, if my head and heart are full of doubt and fear and other such negative things; there is no room for any new good things to fit in there.
Peace,
Gabe
Peace,
Gabe
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hi Jen
Glad you are still with us.
My prayer requests went unanswered for the longest time because they were exactly that - requests. In my prayers I was telling God what to do, or at the very least giving him my wish list with a time frame. If I prayed on Sunday, I could hold the faith until about Tuesday, then I would get mad at God for not listening.
But the thing is that God doesn't listen to my requests, when it just means that I want Him to do the same thing I have been trying to do, but with more power. Because the things I had been doing didn't work.
So I learned to repeat the Serenity Prayer about 25 times a day. And I learned to finally surrender my will and my ways and trust God to carrry out His plan and have faith that His plan was good.
My Step 1 - I admitted I was powerless over others, especially my son, and that my life had become unmanageable. Once I surrendered that power (that I never really had), I was ready to move forward and establish a wonderful spiritual relationship with God.
It took me time, a lot of prayer and a lot of work, but I wouldn't trade it today for anything in the world.
If you haven't been to meetings, try a few. It is a great place to work these steps that bring us to a more spiritual, peaceful, happy life - no matter how our A's are doing.
And keep praying - God always listens.
Glad you are still with us.
My prayer requests went unanswered for the longest time because they were exactly that - requests. In my prayers I was telling God what to do, or at the very least giving him my wish list with a time frame. If I prayed on Sunday, I could hold the faith until about Tuesday, then I would get mad at God for not listening.
But the thing is that God doesn't listen to my requests, when it just means that I want Him to do the same thing I have been trying to do, but with more power. Because the things I had been doing didn't work.
So I learned to repeat the Serenity Prayer about 25 times a day. And I learned to finally surrender my will and my ways and trust God to carrry out His plan and have faith that His plan was good.
My Step 1 - I admitted I was powerless over others, especially my son, and that my life had become unmanageable. Once I surrendered that power (that I never really had), I was ready to move forward and establish a wonderful spiritual relationship with God.
It took me time, a lot of prayer and a lot of work, but I wouldn't trade it today for anything in the world.
If you haven't been to meetings, try a few. It is a great place to work these steps that bring us to a more spiritual, peaceful, happy life - no matter how our A's are doing.
And keep praying - God always listens.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: rochelle, il
Posts: 7
i feel like i have found a new home!!
i cant describe how much this site has helped me. i feel so loved and wanted and most of all understood. for so long i felt like i was abnormal in what i was feeling. now i know it is not true. there are other people out there dealing with the same issues i deal with every minute. my brain is in overload because all i do is think. think about the what if's and the should have dones. but i am starting to think about the future of me, yes i said ME. i will make it and God will help me, he has a plan for me. if it is with R or without him, i will be fine. i am stronger than that. and you guys have all helped me see that. i cant say thank you enough.
and 
jen
and jen
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