Creating a life
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
Creating a life
I have accepted that I don't want to go back to AH, and as I said in another post, I am really OK with that. I guess my trouble now is moving forward. I have to create a life, and I'm a little overwhelmed.
I live in a city where I only know my co-workers (plus about 10 people I've met along the way but don't know well).
Before I lived in a smaller town of about 25,000 where I had a job where all of the community leaders knew me and liked me and where I was involved in two high-profile organizations of women my age.
I live in an apartment where I sit in front of my computer too much.
Before, I owned a home and had my life.
I am unbelievably alone now, just me and my dog.
Before, I had a family (my in-laws lived in town and are great people), a husband, two dogs, a yard, a LIFE. I had a LIFE.
I know I should see this as an opportunity that I can now create one for myself. It's hard though...I know I should "volunteer" or "go to the gym" or "make a gratitude list." That's all well and good, but it doesn't fix everything. I know I have plenty to be grateful for.
I'm alone in this city...what even ties me to here??? Nothing. I live here just because.
I guess maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Any ideas?
I live in a city where I only know my co-workers (plus about 10 people I've met along the way but don't know well).
Before I lived in a smaller town of about 25,000 where I had a job where all of the community leaders knew me and liked me and where I was involved in two high-profile organizations of women my age.
I live in an apartment where I sit in front of my computer too much.
Before, I owned a home and had my life.
I am unbelievably alone now, just me and my dog.
Before, I had a family (my in-laws lived in town and are great people), a husband, two dogs, a yard, a LIFE. I had a LIFE.
I know I should see this as an opportunity that I can now create one for myself. It's hard though...I know I should "volunteer" or "go to the gym" or "make a gratitude list." That's all well and good, but it doesn't fix everything. I know I have plenty to be grateful for.
I'm alone in this city...what even ties me to here??? Nothing. I live here just because.
I guess maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Any ideas?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with creating a new life, too, even though I still live the same house, have the same friends, etc.
You say you know about 10 people outside work. Have you been invited along to anything? Have you invited anyone?
Are the womens groups you were involved with before also in this new place?
Somewhere down the road you may also want to consider if you like where you are - or if it was a move to set you on the road to where you are now regarding your marriage.
I had a friend who moved to Germany this past January, knowing no one there. She is just now settling into a new life in her city, with new friends. It took time, but I got to meet some of those people and they are great. She'll be ok.
You'll be ok, too, TG. You're going through a very stressful situation - give yourself all the time you need right now - even if that means sitting in front of your computer. For now. You sound like someone who won't let that be the case for longer than necessary.
((()))
You say you know about 10 people outside work. Have you been invited along to anything? Have you invited anyone?
Are the womens groups you were involved with before also in this new place?
Somewhere down the road you may also want to consider if you like where you are - or if it was a move to set you on the road to where you are now regarding your marriage.
I had a friend who moved to Germany this past January, knowing no one there. She is just now settling into a new life in her city, with new friends. It took time, but I got to meet some of those people and they are great. She'll be ok.
You'll be ok, too, TG. You're going through a very stressful situation - give yourself all the time you need right now - even if that means sitting in front of your computer. For now. You sound like someone who won't let that be the case for longer than necessary.
((()))
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
hi texasgirl!
are you thinking of moving? the world is a big place.....anywhere you would really like to live and work???
i had to laugh at smaller town of 25,000.....i live in a town of 3,500. now, that is small.
you could just about write your own ticket, texasgirl......no children yet to consider, no ties where you are......the sky's the limit!
good luck and have fun dreaming of your new beginnings
jeri
are you thinking of moving? the world is a big place.....anywhere you would really like to live and work???
i had to laugh at smaller town of 25,000.....i live in a town of 3,500. now, that is small.
you could just about write your own ticket, texasgirl......no children yet to consider, no ties where you are......the sky's the limit!
good luck and have fun dreaming of your new beginnings
jeri
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
I guess that's true, Denny. Maybe I just need to hang out for a while. I don't know...I sure hate sitting around feeling sorry for myself! 
Maybe I'm just being impatient. I want my new life NOW! LOL! I realized afterwards that it's probably more like 5 people I know outside of work (it hit me that a couple I was counting are really work after all), and I have gone out with them, but it's weird. I am kind of done with the go to the bar, stay out til 2 thing. You know? It used to be fun, but it's really not anymore. I don't want to be a homebody, but I don't want to be a crazy party girl again either. OK, let's go the extreme opposite side. I like my church, but I don't even fit in there. The groups for people my age are the singles group (nope) and the young marrieds (nope). Where's the young & separated crowd?! HA!
I know it's just my impatience...guess I'll work through that too. I'm just a little frustrated today!
And Jeri, you're right...I know I have so many things I could do. It's just that impatient thing yet again! If I am not planted here by the time my lease is up, I am hitting the road....New York or LA one! Oh, and by the way, I spent my entire childhood (til I was 18) living in a town of 200...do I EVER know small towns (that's where my family is, and it's not like I could have a thriving career there!!).
Maybe I'm just being impatient. I want my new life NOW! LOL! I realized afterwards that it's probably more like 5 people I know outside of work (it hit me that a couple I was counting are really work after all), and I have gone out with them, but it's weird. I am kind of done with the go to the bar, stay out til 2 thing. You know? It used to be fun, but it's really not anymore. I don't want to be a homebody, but I don't want to be a crazy party girl again either. OK, let's go the extreme opposite side. I like my church, but I don't even fit in there. The groups for people my age are the singles group (nope) and the young marrieds (nope). Where's the young & separated crowd?! HA!I know it's just my impatience...guess I'll work through that too. I'm just a little frustrated today!
And Jeri, you're right...I know I have so many things I could do. It's just that impatient thing yet again! If I am not planted here by the time my lease is up, I am hitting the road....New York or LA one! Oh, and by the way, I spent my entire childhood (til I was 18) living in a town of 200...do I EVER know small towns (that's where my family is, and it's not like I could have a thriving career there!!).
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
i always pictured myself on a farm....was raised on a farm....with a quiet, gentle, strong, man-of-few-words but wiser than the barn owls sorta man, with woods nearby......a wonderful garden.....and all my kids piling in for the holidays..(((((((((sigh))))))))))
where do you picture yourself?
luv to ya
jeri
where do you picture yourself?
luv to ya
jeri
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
TG - you have a life. It may not be the life that you wish to have, but you do have a life. So now you just need to expand on what you wish to have in your life.
So....how about grabbing the phonebook and seeing what's all out there available in your area? I'd think that living in a bigger town/city, the opportunities are just endless. It's just about finding them. Same goes with the comment about sitting in front of your computer too much - start researching online. Try typing "tourism" and the name of your area in the search bar (I found tons of things for the kids and I to do by doing a search this way).
The people you know - whether it be co-workers or friends - ask them about different things, groups, organizations, etc that are available in your area. Sometimes realtors also have pamphlets available to those that are new to the area - you may think of checking into that as well.
Have you been attending alanon? You may just find some single girlfriends there near your age to hang out with as well. Just a thought.
TG - I understand your impatience. But even while looking and researching, it's ACTION. And that action will keep you busy in planning and giving you something to look forward too, etc.
Good luck TG. Just remember - the opportunities are endless.
So....how about grabbing the phonebook and seeing what's all out there available in your area? I'd think that living in a bigger town/city, the opportunities are just endless. It's just about finding them. Same goes with the comment about sitting in front of your computer too much - start researching online. Try typing "tourism" and the name of your area in the search bar (I found tons of things for the kids and I to do by doing a search this way).
The people you know - whether it be co-workers or friends - ask them about different things, groups, organizations, etc that are available in your area. Sometimes realtors also have pamphlets available to those that are new to the area - you may think of checking into that as well.
Have you been attending alanon? You may just find some single girlfriends there near your age to hang out with as well. Just a thought.
TG - I understand your impatience. But even while looking and researching, it's ACTION. And that action will keep you busy in planning and giving you something to look forward too, etc.
Good luck TG. Just remember - the opportunities are endless.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
Originally Posted by Jeri
where do you picture yourself?
I picture myself in the coolest loft apartment with exposed brick walls and hardwood floors smack dab in the center of Manhattan. I have fabulous friends who I spend too much time with, a hottie on my arm, and a killer wardrobe. I don't have kids, but I have a dog (could be mine) that doesn't pee on the carpet too often. I love my job, either in marketing/PR or writing of some sort. Now that's my idea of perfection.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
Really??? How did she interview???
I'm not valuable enough yet in years of experience for an employer to fly me out for an interview. I can't figure out how you do that...move first or find a job first. It seems like a pretty big gamble to move first....
I'm not valuable enough yet in years of experience for an employer to fly me out for an interview. I can't figure out how you do that...move first or find a job first. It seems like a pretty big gamble to move first....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
She did the prelims by phone. After months, they finally did fly her over and after interviewing her, offered her the job.
Yes, we are much older than you :-) so keep working on that experience! I thought Standing had some great ideas in the meantime.
Yes, we are much older than you :-) so keep working on that experience! I thought Standing had some great ideas in the meantime.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
TG, Glad you checked in, you are getting good ideas from everyone.
Try to relax and go to lots of meetings. Your answers will come when you are doing something else, (thats what I heard) I tend to read books till an idea comes along. Just wanted to send a ((HUG)) and say you have done so well!
Try to relax and go to lots of meetings. Your answers will come when you are doing something else, (thats what I heard) I tend to read books till an idea comes along. Just wanted to send a ((HUG)) and say you have done so well!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I grew up with a family of alcoholics and was the oldest of five kids. I moved away at 18 and never realized until years later how healthy it was for me to do that. It can be lonely at times but for me, it was a clean slate. I could be who I decided to be, I had no history in this new town 3000 miles away. You could start planning some trips to check out other places. Put your resume out there and see what comes up. As embraced said, the skys the limit. If you have a great family somewhere and want to move closer to home, why not?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
3,500!!!!!!!!!!!! Woah try 1,500 where we live and not an eligible bachelor in sight ahhahahahahaha.
Ngaire
Ngaire
Originally Posted by embraced2000 
hi texasgirl!
are you thinking of moving? the world is a big place.....anywhere you would really like to live and work???
i had to laugh at smaller town of 25,000.....i live in a town of 3,500. now, that is small.
you could just about write your own ticket, texasgirl......no children yet to consider, no ties where you are......the sky's the limit!
good luck and have fun dreaming of your new beginnings
jeri
are you thinking of moving? the world is a big place.....anywhere you would really like to live and work???
i had to laugh at smaller town of 25,000.....i live in a town of 3,500. now, that is small.
you could just about write your own ticket, texasgirl......no children yet to consider, no ties where you are......the sky's the limit!
good luck and have fun dreaming of your new beginnings
jeri
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
Geez I had exactly the same dream Jeri, wonder what happened?
Ngaire
Ngaire
Originally Posted by embraced2000
i always pictured myself on a farm....was raised on a farm....with a quiet, gentle, strong, man-of-few-words but wiser than the barn owls sorta man, with woods nearby......a wonderful garden.....and all my kids piling in for the holidays..(((((((((sigh))))))))))
where do you picture yourself?
luv to ya
jeri
where do you picture yourself?
luv to ya
jeri
been searching for the dream
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Inhaling the mountain air through my mind's eye.
Posts: 240
Texas Girl, Here are the positives. You kind of know what you want. You don't want AH anymore. You want a job in a city somewhere with a dog and a good man. Ok one will lead to another and in a years time it will change. If things don't change we are dead so it will change. I try to always remember "This too shall pass." and go on. Ok, many girls your age now are doing what denny said the monster job thing or job fairs. Recently, in NYC they had a job fair for jobs in Ireland. Ha. Not that I am going but who knew. It turns out they need my profession there yesterday. Just knowing that was cool. Not that I am doing it by any means. If I was younger and not as established I might. I don't want to mess up my pension. Yet, you are not in that position so the sky is the limit. Take time. Think about yourself in various situations. Try it on. Picture yourself there and in time the right thing will happen. Sounds exciting. My ideal I would be an interior designer, married, living in a beautiful country setting, affluent area, with two kids and a dog. I would ride horses, and have grand artsy parties with friends. Hahahahahhahahahahha that was fun to think about for a moment. see what fun you can have. Best Wishes.
Always hopeful...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Illinois
Posts: 429
Take your time.....I know you have made up your mind now to be done w/ your husband, so give it a little time to let that settle. It will come to you where and what you need to do. But, absolutely, exciting to be 28 and no ties that bind you where you are....
It can be a difficult realization your "established" life is somewhere else. That was a comfort zone, and there will be another one.....EVEN better cuz you have been thru all this! Timing is EVERYTHING.....
It can be a difficult realization your "established" life is somewhere else. That was a comfort zone, and there will be another one.....EVEN better cuz you have been thru all this! Timing is EVERYTHING.....
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