Live

LMAO!!!!!

Ann

Searching

I'm a little late getting here, don't know why I didn't see it earlier, but lady I take my hat off to you. I don't know how you do it.

I like the idea of maybe taking in a couple more kids, which would let you stay at home with yours and make money too. Working at home can be tough when you have children who need you every 5 mnutes.

I have no great advice, but just want to send hugs and tell you that you are one terrific lady.

Oh, and about missing the plane.....ha ha ha ha h a

Stephanie

Hi guys...I'm really not doing too well right now. I haven't cried in a long time so maybe it's good. Really it has nothing to do with my husband, well sort of.

My sisters husband went with the guys skiing and she has wanted to spend the weekend with me and the kids. They live in a very lavish condo in DC, no kids, they make a ton of money and they travel through Europe constantely. She wanted us to come there and wants it to be a vacation for me.....we would take the kids to the zoo, etc. A very nice thought, unfortunately it's ten times more work for me but she just doesn't get it. Their place is extremely contemporary and she's a environmentalist so the floors are hard bamboo, the walls are made of recycled glass, their are no railing on the steps or walls for that matter. My 1 yr old just started walking and he would get hurt on the hard floors and all the points and stainless steel and my 2 yr old will try to explore and god knows what. They won't have their cribs so they won't nap....blah, blah

My sister really means well. She's an awesome person and nice as can be but very codependent and is always trying to save me it seems. All I said to her was don't you think it was pretty shi...
of H to go skiing this week. She said well, you know everyone has to get away. It just seems like you're always mad at him for something, he doesn't seem to be able to do anything right. Basically she said I seem misreable lately and I yell a lot and it seems like I look for things to get mad at my husband about. I took it very hard but I am doing the best I can, I have just been in coda hell lately. I have an out of control 2 yr old that is challenging me everyday, my parents were just here for a week judging everything I do. I recently ended my friendships with my 2 best friends, my h left me broke to go skiing and my sister feels so bad she wants to help but really she's kind of making it worse. She said I don't talk about good stuff lately, I'm just complaining. I don't feel misreable and it feels good to vent sometimes but she's making me feel like I'm misreable so I'm causing all of this. I tend to think I finally am just having enough wherewithall to feel what it feels like not to be treated respectfully by the people I have chose to surround myself with. I think I'm in a transition and I think my sister means well, she just doesn't get it. She has that thing we got from our parents that you always have to be happy or something is wrong with you.

Help

Ann

****{Searching}}}

As you (and others) told me recently, it is okay to be sad. It is okay to feel our feelings and express them, even when we don't completely understand them. It gets it out. Holding this stuff inside is part of what has made us crazy for too long.

Sometimes a good cry and feeling blue is just what we need. We aren't always the "strong" person people think we are, and we don't have to be. Our strength lies in acknowledging our feelings, taking a good look at why we feel that way, and then brushing ourselves off and trying again.

(Here I go again)...the difference between a bad day and a good day is usually about 2 days.

Take some time to heal, then do something wonderful for yourself because you deserve it. Ask MG to make you laugh (this always works for me), and don't beat yourself up just because others don't "get it" about how you feel. We understand and we love you and care!!!

Before today is over, I want to hear about at least one really nice thing that you did for yourself. Don't make me come over and rescue you, I have laundry .

Sending huge hugs and just want you to know that feeling your feelings is okay. Just keep the tissues handy.

Stephanie

Thanks Ann for the support. What I'm really trying to say here is my sister made me feel like I am the cause of everything and when I am so outnumbered, I'm starting to believe it. Like I said, I ended my friendship with those two friends I spoke of here. I wrote about it in Live's thread that is stickied in WIR. Of course my husband blames me for everything and my parents are pretty critical. I'm really starting to question myself here. Does this happen when you finally start believing in yourself?????

Paulie

I think you said it all yourself right there!!! I understand and relate to that 100%. Personally my opinion is she had no right to say any of that to you. I can only compare this to my situation this week with one of my sisters. She was being taken to court by her ex saying she is a bad parent. Now mind you her kids aer 22, 18 and 16. The 16 year old lives with her, what brought all this on was money. but my point is, she called me crying and asking me to suport her. I said I would support her anyway that I could. She asked me if I thought she was a good mom. Now who am I to say if she is or isn't, yes I have opinion, but it is just that my opinion. I said to her what matters is if she thinks she is a good mom or not. And I will say the same to you search, what matters is how you feel about yourself. How you feel you are being treated by your H right now. I want to say, that Jerk (oops)how could he do that to you but that is just my heart because you are a dear friend. You have a right to feel what you feel, own your feelings.

I think you should tell your sister that you do not appreciate what she said and that you have a right to your feelings. No matter how much you confide in her or not, she still cannot know what goes on in your home between you and your H, ya know. I also think you are still spinning from the visit with your parents, and that is understandable.

Have I helped at all? I don't know but please know that I care and I am sending you huge hugs!!!

Stephanie

Of course you helped Pauline!! I don't know what I would do without you guys.

Paulie

Ya know Search, you and I are in kinda the same space right now. We have been blessed to be recovery for a while and now we are learning about our feelings in a whole different way and we are learing about how others treat us. It is all interesting, yucky but interesting LOL!.

I can't imagine that the stress of have 3 small children has anything to do with how you are feeling either LOL!.

Ya know, enjoy the week without your 4th child, shhh don't tell Paul I said that

Ann

Hi again

Just something else I thought of...when I was getting well into my recovery, I got these same kind of reactions from people too, because "I" had changed. "I" was no longer the doormat I used to be, and I no longer accepted unacceptable behaviour.

Because nothing and nobody else had changed, the "changes" in my relationship were blamed on me. Today I take that as a compliment, but I too wondered at one time if any of this was worth it. And the answer is YES, it IS worth it because "I" am worth it.

Never forget that Searching...YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

Ann

And one last stab at helping you feel better.....


God (or Higher Power as we understand HIM)

Grant ME (not anyone else, just me) the serenity to ACCEPT the things I cannot change...(anyone or anything else and their reactions to my personal changes)

The courage to CHANGE the things I can...(ME and my thinking, behaviour, and how I allow people to treat me)

And the wisdom (the "knowledge and understanding") to KNOW the difference.

AMEN!!!!

margo

(((((Searching))))) What a tough time for you! Ann's words are so true, as always, in how other people tend to not handle it too well when we make changes, especially when we start to stand up for ourselves and speak out. It's hard enough to make those changes, and harder still when you are guilt-tripped for taking a stand.

In regards to your sister, I know she means well, and I say this with no disrespect whatsoever, but she probably does not have the first clue as to what your life is like. As you said (quote) "They live in a very lavish condo in DC, no kids, they make a ton of money and they travel through Europe constantly." Your sister lives in an entirely different world from you and could probably not even begin to comprehend what your life is like and how it is to have to deal with the things that you do.

Searching, you've had an awful lot to deal with over the past few days, on top of all that has been going on for the past months. It's only natural to want the support of your family. Try not to let their opinions get you down - it's not from a lack of love, just a lack of understanding.

Go ahead and have a good cry, Searching. I know a good cry always makes me feel a lot better and calmer afterwards. Lord knows you probably need it. We're always here with a kleenex and a shoulder for you.

Lots of love, hugs, and support.

Live

Hugs, searching!!!!

I think Margo is right...they just don't get it, not a clue...and in my family when they get frustrated that I have problems they get frustrated with me...they are not having those kinds of problems so it must be me, right?

Not a clue.

Stay true to you!

love,
live

Stephanie

Ann, Pauline, Margo and Live,

Thank-you so much you guys. You helped me so much yesterday, you have no idea. Isn't it amazing when people say oh yeah that happened to me too, it can make it seem all better?

I wanted to get here last night after I read the replies to say thanks because it made me feel so much better but I was busy taking care of my sister. LOL She wound up coming over here to help out, we barely played with the kids and made dinner before she decided she was way to tired to drive home (it's only like 20 minutes) LOL....she was asleep by 9 and it's 9:30 and she's still asleep. Maybe she'll wake up with a little more understanding of why it wasn't quite nice for my husband to take off for a week. She mentioned that she wants to go out and do things today. Wait until I tell her I can't because I don't have any money, H took it all with him to go skiing.

I guess HP was the one that sent her over to "help me out"

JT

Searching,

No...GO! And take the kids!!! Let her buy lunch in one of her fancy restaurants...do they have highchairs?? Will the carseats fit in her car? Give the kids a baggie of cheerios and a juicebox for the ride. This could be a blast!


JT

Stephanie

LOL JT, you mean the Beamer (BMW), I couldn't. ..............

Hmmmmmm:saywhat?:

smoke gets in my eyes

Aaaah....

Sis did not have all the details. To people who have money "he's going on vacation and we can't afford it" means you couldn't contribute to the IRA this month. I was wondering how she could take that attitude knowing Rockefeller left you with so little. If sis only knows vague reasons for your being disgruntled, it may seem that you have only vague reasons.

I'm not saying you need to share your business with her if you don't want to... but telling her part of the story sets you up to take the heat. And I wonder if playing that particular card so close to your chest was protecting yourself, or protecting him?

Hugs,
Smoke

Live

hahahahahahahaha

You guys crack me up!

Go!

Do a time study and see how long it takes her to develop a sudden burst of energy to go home.....

(because it is more than she can deal with it....and you can say I understand, I do it every day):p

live

JT

As usual Smoke...good point!!

JT

Now about those carseats....grape juiceboxes! Just think...you will have help with the diaperbag!

Live

WOW Smoke.......you sure enlightened me, I think I do this to myself all the time....Not here...but elsewhere I tend to be concise and to the point and I expect people to just take my word for it.

I will really try to apply this insight...and just maybe it will save me grief....and yeah, usually I am trying to cover for somebody so they don't look so bad and I am not a gossip and a trouble maker

margo

Searching - oh yes you can!