Freaking out

Old 11-22-2006, 10:32 PM
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Freaking out

Today has been horrible. I've gone a couple of weeks deleting voicemails from him and not responding to his emails, but then stupid, stupid me responds to one and the even more stupid me answers the phone at work when he calls. Why do I do this to myself? I cannot deal with this anymore! I have spent all day in a full blown panic. Will he get through the holiday weekend okay? Is he going to show up unannounced at my family's house? I am scared to death about this long weekend. I've told you all before he's an A and has BPD. I think he's cycling and he can get really out of control and violent when that happens especially if he is binging. I am worried sick! I am actually thinking about not doing the holiday with the family. They do not know how bad it got before I left. I have never told them anything other than I couldn't live my life the way he wants to live his. I feel like I have to protect them from this. (Is that codie? I don't know) I am so tired of worrying about him. I do not want that old relationship with him anymore, but I am terrified to tell him that outright. I am tired of worrying. I am tired of feeling responsible for him. I am tired of trying to be strong enough for everyone. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm already worrying about Christmas and I haven't even gotten through this holiday yet. I am so wired tonight! I hate this! Somebody help me please. I don't think I can do this!
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Old 11-22-2006, 10:55 PM
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It sounds as if you are working yourself up over his possible bad behavior IF he decides to show up at your family's home for Thanksgiving. Although they may not know all the details of the breakup, if he comes in a makes a fool of himself or becomes violent in anyway, pick up the phone and dial 9-1-1. He will be escorted from the premises by law officers.

Do you have any fear that he will become physically violent towards you? He is already harassing you via email and phone calls. You have the proof of this. Restraining orders can work wonders to get someone like this to back off.

I'm not sure of the past history of your relationship. Did he cause scenes in public? Did he get drunk and disorderly? Did he threaten you?

I can only assume that you are working yourself up over a "what if" rather than a "what is." If you have what you consider a sound basis to feel you need protection from this man, by all means get it. His crummy behavior is NOT a reflection on you nor should it make you appear less in the eyes of your own family.
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Old 11-22-2006, 11:07 PM
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I have felt this way more then once it makes me very angry, so I find something to take my anger out on if nothing is avaible then I just throw on some metalleca it calms me right down
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Old 11-22-2006, 11:22 PM
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Originally Posted by prodigal
Do you have any fear that he will become physically violent towards you? He is already harassing you via email and phone calls. You have the proof of this. Restraining orders can work wonders to get someone like this to back off.

I'm not sure of the past history of your relationship. Did he cause scenes in public? Did he get drunk and disorderly? Did he threaten you?
Unfortunately the answer to all of your questions is yes. He has threatened me and my family during his drunken binges (this is what they don't know). he's has followed through with them on me, but never on my family. I always had this love/pity/fear complex that stopped me from calling the law on him. I am out of the situation now, but I am scared because he is so unstable.

I am a should-da, could-da, would-da kind of girl and I have a strong tendency to get my self so worked up over what might happen that I can't see things clearly. Because I get myself so worked up in advance, I have trouble recognizing when there is a real danger (hence no calls to 911 and no restraining order). What it boils down to is I am scared silly, but I don't know whether I should be or not and am now making myself sick over it. I am so tired of being this messed up!
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Old 11-23-2006, 02:15 AM
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Take your power back to combat your fear

If you are staying with your family, there are at least two things you can do to be proactive in keeping everyone safe and taking your fear in hand. 1. Fet the order of protection. It is a legal document that eliminates alot of conversation. It will also make him consider that the consequences will be on him, not you or your family. 2. Be honest with your family. I always said that people didn't understand, If You find yourself saying, "OH, he'd never do that!" You need to know it was usually the next thing he'd do. There may be an ugly confrontation, you can decrease the likelihood of it. If he calls of shows up, call the police immeditely, not after some long winded conversation. It is unlikely he'll come to your parents house, but if he does, pick up the phone and don't answer the door. He'll embarrass you if he can, if he thinks it will work. You should have a plan in place where everyone can sping into action if he shows up, holiday or not. In the big picture of life, so what if he comes and screams in the driveway or bangs on the front door. He can stay away or be hauled off. A restraining order would make it clear to him. Some people think that anything less than a restraining order is encouragment.
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Old 11-23-2006, 05:18 AM
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take your power back to combat your fear
...mallowcup

powerful (no pun intended) statement!!!! and so very true. once we have our power back, the air seems to go out of the alcoholics anticipated behaviors.

happy thanksgiving everyone
jeri
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