ihavehadit

This is my first time posting though I read the boards at least once a day. I really need some help. Been married 24 years. He has had a drinking problem since I have known him. In the last 9 months though the disease has progressed to the point he is out of control. He went into rehab for 30 days, got out, started drinking again right away. Went back for another 30 day stint and was released last Sunday to go to a halfway house. He came home to get his car and went back. Called me to tell me he arrived safely (it's about 3 hours away). I didn't hear from him all week. He usually calls to check in at least once or twice a week. Got a bad feeling and checked our bank accounts and saw he had withdrawn 200 dollars on monday and 350 on wed. I immediatly closed both of our accounts and put them in just my name. Now, my question is, my daughter and his brother want me to file a missing person report. He has had two suicide attemps in the past so they are worried. I feel like I don't even know if he is in this state anymore and if they do find him, i don't want anything to do with him.The only reason I would like to know where he is, is so I can file for divorce and get him out of my life. Any insight would really be welcomed.

denny57

welcome ihavehadit, glad you're here!

Have you seen a lawyer yet? That was my first step when I reached the conclusion I just wanted to get on with my life, too. Most will see you the 1st hour for free. Will give you guidance to first steps, etc.

I was with AH for 18 years, and it was the same. Always a drinking problem, but rapid decline in the last two years we were together.

What helped me was Al-Anon, therapy, open AA meetings and SR. Keep posting - there are great people here with wonderful experience, strength and hope.

Zoey

I do not think you need to find him to get a divorce, but do ask an attorney, I am thinking one can get it on desertion, however each state might be different..
If he can't get money he will probably call or show up.
Welcom to SR, this is the greatest site every. Keep coming back.

FriendofBill

ask the police what the standard policy is for filing amissing persons report, do it only for the sake of your kids...he is still thier father, and probably only right to do whatever you can to see if he is alive.

Next, call an attorney to protect you and your assets.

Good luck...

mtmama

I can certainly relate...this could be my AH. Married 20 years, rapid decline in the last year with 2 rehabs and 2 suicide attempts. Started drinking within two weeks after the first rehab...made it 5 months after the second. Out of control now. He has his house and I have mine...other than that nothing has changed except that out-of-sight, out-of-mind seems to be working for me.

StandingStrong

Welcome to SR.

I'd highly recommend getting an attorney. While he's made the withdrawals and you were able to close the account - the fact that you are still married would have me concerned.
I understand your child (and his brother) wanting to know that he is alive, but you're not wanting anything to do with him could be misinterpreted if you put out a whole big search party for him. I've found that some A's indeed love the attention.
In that way of thinking (and mind you, that is just MY thoughts) I'd still say that getting a hold of an attorney is the best thing for you to do. Have you spoken to the rehab place to see when it was that he actually left or if he ever did indeed check in, have plans too, etc?

I also believe that you need a support system as was suggested above. Alanon may be a good thing for you to try. As was mentioned before, I too, feel that he more than likely will show back up when he runs out of resources and needs a place to fall back on.