kentg

I am beginning to see things a bit differently. my ex was/is an alcoholic, and she really didnt have a problem with it. I did. She drank at least a bottle of wine a day, but only after work. our social life revolved around her friends where we all drank heavily on weekends and outings. we drove impaired. emotionally, sexually she could only let go when drunk. she wouldnt, couldnt get up in the morning after drinking and usually was surly and withdrawn untill that first drink. With all of this, she was fine, I was the one with the problem. And its true, It just drove me nuts.
when issues related to our views of drinking and drugs tore us apart, she didnt have a problem. I did. I dont know why I couldnt just accept her drinking, she was/is highly functioning, responsible to all outward apperances.
works in a field where she deals with addicts and people with substance abuse issues.
and its true, I did have a problem with it. why?

Zoey

Welcome to Friends and Family here on SR, are you saying that you are also alcoholic?
We want full attention of our spouse, not having everything revolve around their drinking and their drinking friends, is what crossed my mind.

Others will be along when the sun comes up over here, it is about 3:15 AM central time here.

In the AA Big Book where we find help with our 4th step everything comes down to fear.

Again, Welcome, and you may want to try the AA site also.

Alexia

I was always told that I had the problem with drinking. My ex (of 2 weeks after 19 years) was/is perfectly happy with his drinking. Unfortunately it is a progressive disease that slowly kills. I watched his decision making go from bad to worse, his health is being affected, and he hurt me more than he could recognize. It was killing me faster than it was killing him. And as much as I love him still, I had to save myself.

They may not think it's a problem because they "escape" it daily. Unfortunately it will catch up. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion.

Dont second guess youself, you know what's right. Hang in there, it's hard for sure, but I know there's peace on the other side of all this. I'm still waiting for it to come for myself, but I know it will happen.

My best to you.

lilac

(((Kentg))) I have been out of my situation with my AH for about a month now. It is not you........you can't control what another does. Alcoholics have no clue whatsoever about what they do to us. Stay strong, you are doing the right thing.

BohemiMamaof3

Maybe the better question to ask is why wouldn't you have a problem with it?
(((hugs)))

BSPGirl

I think driving impaired is quite irresponsible behavior. The thin facade crumbles a lot of the time, imo then. You just put up firm boundaries and stuck with it, sounds like she's your ex for a reason.

Marte

mallowcup

I think sometimes the answer is simple. We should keep it simple. You are a healthy, loving person who wanted a healthy loving realtionship. You were honest, open and receptive to someone who picked a cocktail over you every single time. It hurts to be second choice to a full glass of alcohol that nothing is required of. I saw a show once where this woman was watching her husband through a one way mirror while he was interviewed by a therapist. The therapist said I will grant one wish. Right here and now you have a choice. You may see your wife for 15 minutes or you can have a cocktail. Youcan choose. He picked the drink.

cagefree

Hey kentg,

Did you ever hear about the story of the frog who unknowingly cooked himself to death in a pot of boiling water?

I think of it when I get caught in congitive loops regarding my AXBF's denial with his disease.

I think it's along the lines of the frog is enjoying the nice warm water, but the heat is increased so slowly that he cannot tell he is being cooked alive.

Well, I guess we can see the thermometer and it's rather frightening. Even now that he is in recovery (I think) I still feel like I have to protect myself from the A inside him that I know wants out.