mazey

I may be missing something here....but, I am thinking maybe we are judging too harshly? Maybe, she just needs some space, for whatever reason. Did she tell you to hit the road, more or less, or does she still want to see you/talk but not as often? Did your recent "stuff" with the ex and how she ignores the kids come up? If you fell for her, she may be worth waiting for???
I just have alot of questions before I would pass judgement on her.

Mr. Christian

No, she never said to hit the road. in facty I asked her this point blank. She then asked if I wanted to bail, and I said no.

She has always been good with her kids as I have known hher, and I have told her how important I feel we never take time from them.

As far as falling for her yes, I have, very deeply.
It is not that i NEED to just be with someone, heck I could do that at anytime.
I have turned down others to be with her.

Now with whatever she is going through, I might loose her.

This woman held back tears through all this, this was not a person cold without feeling. It was a person troubled and because of that she feels less of what she should be.
She says she is F&**'d up and she hates to be less then what I deserve.

I miss my talks alone with her and it's only been 2 days.
She was my friend and my lover. A person I could share things with and tonight as I write this I feel empty, only tears are with me now.

It's been some time since I felt this way about another and all this seems so wrong.

embraced2000

mr c....sorry you're having a rough time.

did you two part with a plan for future communications??? or was it just goodbye.....

blessings
jeri

Mr. Christian

- she told me she would call me, we have tentative plans for this next weekend. But at this point who knows.

embraced2000

i'm sure that she is thinking things over, too,...

i understand how hard it is to step back, especially when there are so many questions in your mind.

if she gave you reasons why she considers herself less than you, and why she is f'ed up, maybe that will give you some insight where she is coming from.

blessings
jeri

Mr. Christian

- Well like some of us here, she goes through sleepless nights, panic attacks and the lot.
Thing is I've been there, I told her I understand this stuff having gone though it.

I dont know I just keep seeing her in my mind, standing, crying watching me drive off.

StandingStrong

Mr C, I wasn't sure that my bringing this up would do you any good but I have been thinking about your original post quite a bit so thought I'd share my feelings and thoughts anyways.
While I am not your gf and I don't know how she really feels - I can tell you how I feel.

I met a great man (I've mentioned him on here before). He treats me wonderfully and is great with my kids. He'd like nothing more than to move on with me and have a relationship beyond the friendship that we have now, but I am not ready.
Having lived with an A - well, it has greatly affected me. Having sought recovery, I"ve found that I have a lot of "Finding me" that I need to do. And until I am ready - I find myself getting overwhelmed and confused about some things in my life. It is then that I have to take time away from people and focus on me and my recovery.
I just wonder if your gf has attended Alanon or done any work on her recovery. I know many people that have just left the A and moved on - but they never recover their lives. (Hope that made sense)

For now, I believe that you really must give her time. And hopefully she will want to talk to you soon and explain how she feels. But regardless, it's important that you focus on you.
I'm afraid for you that you will do as you've done before - and obsess on someone else as well as their role in your life. The center of attention that needs focused on right now is you and your recovery. Codependancy can be played out with people - even if they are not A's.
I hope that she talks to you soon - but hope even moreso, I hope that you will really focus on you, your HP, and your recovery.

(((Mr C)))

embraced2000

the effects of living with alcoholism are so damaging.....

you are so well aware of this, i'm sure.....if she still attends al-anon, maybe she is working on some things.

jeri

FormerDoormat

Mr. C:

One of the first lessons I learned on this forum is that when someone tells you that they're F&**'d up, believe them. Please dig deep and make sure you aren't looking for someone new to rescue. Perhaps that's why you've turned down others but feel so attracted to her. Perhaps the ones you turned down didn't need fixing and therefore you weren't attracted to them.

Muster up all your recovery tools and do some honest soul-searching.

kermit

Mr C, Tommorrow is the teen turkey dinner and I'm bringing my 16yr old,7 and 4yr old. Do you think she and her kids would come I think it would be nice. It will be my daughters first meeting also.
What do you think?

Mr. Christian

I doubt that will happen. As Ive said I have not contacted her since this talk on Friday.
I was waiting till she called me.

mallowcup

Someone here said something very wise. If there is a time of confusion, wait. God may use confusion. Clarity comes when the time is right. This woman may need to finish the process of purging her system of her ex. When she is ready, her answers will be clear. These may be the first pebbles of your foundation together.

Mr. Christian

I hope so mallow. It's been very hard this weekend not calling her.
I almost feel like saying , hey we are adults here!
IVE TRIED STAYING BUSY

mallowcup

Nothing wrong with thoughts from a distance. A nice Thanksgiving floral arrangement or a card would be nice. You could invite her to call you on the card.

Mr. Christian

- I decided to go ahead and leave a message. Just thinking ouf you.
Something simple.
I hope this is just not an control issue, God knows Ive delt with that.