LIFEOUTTHERE

My middle child is 3 (4 in January). He has to share my attention with his 5 year old sister and 19 month old baby brother and sometimes I feel that I don't spend enough time with him. He does not seem to need me as much. He came to me very upset day before yesterday and wanted to know if dad had drank to much and died. He has not heard from him in several day. I assured him that he was fine. I called STBX yesterday and ask him to stop by and see him that he needed to talk to them. He stopped by on his way home for a whole 6 minutes his sister said. How much can you say to 3 kids in 6 mins. I also ask him if he wanted to spend Thanksgiving with the kids at his sisters house. He told me that he would not feel like it on his only day off. I know that I should not care or worry about it, but when your kids think your dead b/c they have not heard from you in days then there is a problem. I cannot even start to understand...........

IrshIzNotSmilin

It is a terrible burden for children to go through. It is a burden of worry. I know it well. I had it growing up. Not Aism but chronic parental illness due to mental health issues. I have to say I feel for you and them. I think it is so sad. I always say in these situations, thank god there is one parent who parents. Best to you and them.

RiKi

I'm so sorry to hear that.. At least the kiddos have you to be their rock though!

kermit

This is all to real for me. My little one thinks Dad is sick, but is comming home one day. It hurts that AH will never come home. However as painful as it is I know that my children will figure him out and KNOW that I am here for them.
The love for my children is what keeps me going. The knowing that they love me and will learn that Ah is not is there for them is enough for me.

Cynay

Its so hard when the kids are in the crossfire of their addiction.

I cant even try to figure out the whys of it... that one baffles my mind that they do not have a relationship with their children.

cmc

Life,
Alanon has a great children's book called, "What's Drunk, Mama?" It might help your kids deal with some of this. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
You seem like a very loving and concerned parent, for that your kids are blessed.
cmc

LIFEOUTTHERE

Thanks CMC - I have that book. He has not mentioned his dad much since we left, he is just now starting to really miss him.

I have planned a great Thanksgiving. We are going to have a great holiday.

deax

Sheesh.

So sorry you have to deal with this, Life, it must be absolutely gut-wrenching. I hate to hear about the kids like this... Is 3 years old too young to look into counseling for him? I don't know much about that stuff but he's already dealing with abandonment issues and the concepts of death and alcoholism... I guess while you figure it out maybe just make sure he understands that none of what's happening is his fault and that his dad has problems that make him do silly things.
It is a good thing they have you and I hope you and your kids have a super happy Thanksgiving.

guyinNC

(((((Lifeoutthere)))))

That breaks my heart! It baffles me on how he can ignore his children.

Family is the only important thing in life. Its not money, fame or adventure. Its the people who love us...our children, our siblings, our parents....close friends.

It would take more than any drug or alcohol to make me leave them.

FormerDoormat

Would a child of this age be too young for counseling? If not, perhaps a trained professional could help him understand in terms that your son could accept. Sending prayers to you and your children.

JessicaNAJ

Is it possible your son could have over heard you saying something to a friend or family member...maybe your concerns about his dad?

I'm not familiar with your situation (sorry), but I know in my case...I did more harm than good when I'd express my concerns about G. My behavior and actions really hurt my son (10) and made an impact on my daughter (4). I think my behavior and my actions made them worry more about their dad.

Another thing....My daughter said to me one night that "no body" likes her. I took it to heart b/c it was right after I hollered at her and I felt guilty b/c I wasn't spending enough time with her. I cried b/c I didn't want to hurt her like that. (I spent a lot of wasted time obsessing over G. After that night, though, I made and extra effort to start tucking her in at night - in her bed - and reading a story, the phone got turned off and all of my attention was on her....that extra 10 minutes made a huuuuge difference in her behavior and mine.)

Anyway.....A friend of mine explained to me that kids don't look at things the way we do....it either is, or it isn't. They don't have the depth perception that we do as adults. So the next time she said, "No body likes me", I simply put my hands on my hips, put a big smile on my face and said, "NO BODY??? Wow, that's a whole lot of people to not like you! Are you sure??" She smiled back and said, "No mommy! I'm not sure". Then i gave her a big hug and told her I loved her.

On tv kids see a lot of violence...usually when someone is gone and hasn't been seen or heard from in a while, it's b/c they died. He could be associating that with his dad. Maybe the next time he says something like that...put your hands on your hips, put on a big smile and say, "No....Daddy's not dead. He's just busy and hasn't had a chance to call or stop by", or something along those lines, and then maybe say, "I'm sure daddy will call as soon as he's able too."


Just a thought.....I could be totally off base.

LIFEOUTTHERE

No, you are probobly right. Thanks so much for that reply.