it hurts

Old 11-16-2006, 03:12 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
mallowcup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
Well, I think some of this just needs som retraining. I think it is excellent that you are thinking of reestablishing some relationships. I think that's a great sign that you are healing. That doesn't make it painless. I think you are coming to a place where contact with this alcoholic is so unsettling, it isn't worth factoring him in at all. He won't give you the number. OK then, theree has to be another way to get the number. I think it may not be as hard as you think. In the end, you may discover that the alcoholic is the one who is making your life so frustrating and when you skip his input, simple things are simple. Your son sounds like a sweetheart. I think you can find grandpa. This will make you feel good and empowered. Make it your mission to bulldoze past pain because you can succeed. Who else in your life thinks you are dumb. That's right, no one. Why take the word of someone who is mean, unkind and drunk most of the time? When is the last time your husband made anyone feel good about themself?
mallowcup is offline  
Old 11-16-2006, 04:37 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Green,green grass of home
Posts: 600
My prayers are with you.
God Bless,
Grasshopper is offline  
Old 11-16-2006, 05:31 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
1000 Post Club
Thread Starter
 
FriendofBill's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
thank you all so much for the words of comfort. I called an ex bf last night, believe it or not, and he came over and sat with me to talk. He just listened very patiently while I blathered. I also had called **** Oreilly (Bill) if you remember him , he usually posts on Alcoholism thread. He is alcoholic, not al-anon, but did a very nice job of reminding me how sick and incapable my ex is. He helped me a great deal.

The disease just grabbed ahold of the seat of my pants and wouldnt let go. My immunity was down due to a 2 week bout of daily headache pain and financial concerns, pressures of single parenting etc....basically when the emotional and phsycail immune system is weak, the disease takes fulls advantage. The holiday season doesnt help.

My sons grandfather lives out of country, and I have tried hard to find directory service to get his number, but his country does not offer 411 service to the US, I did email a relative over there whose email ifound on the net, asked him twice to contact him to tell him to call me, over 2 months ago. I got a few calls from a "blocked id" call, but theynever left a message on my voicemail. I'm constantly wondering if it indeed was him trying to reach me.

When my ex got angry at me, 3 years ago, he of course told his family how aweful I am etc...and they just literally cut us off, from one day to the next. HIs family was really the only familial connection my son had...I havebrothers and sisters but we have contact only on holidays, so my son had never had much connection to them. His fathers brother and sister, mom and dad, were evreything.

This is how alcoholism works....when you divorce the man, he takes his family with him and they just forget that they have a grandson. Ive written them 3 letters over the last 2.5 years, sent to his sisters address in hopes she would forward to them....never heard a word.

And this is how alcoholism is indeed a "family" disease.
FriendofBill is offline  
Old 11-16-2006, 05:44 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
been searching for the dream
 
IrshIzNotSmilin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Inhaling the mountain air through my mind's eye.
Posts: 240
When my ex got angry at me, 3 years ago, he of course told his family how aweful I am etc...and they just literally cut us off, from one day to the next. HIs family was really the only familial connection my son had...I havebrothers and sisters but we have contact only on holidays, so my son had never had much connection to them. His fathers brother and sister, mom and dad, were evreything.

This is how alcoholism works....when you divorce the man, he takes his family with him and they just forget that they have a grandson. Ive written them 3 letters over the last 2.5 years, sent to his sisters address in hopes she would forward to them....never heard a word.

And this is how alcoholism is indeed a "family" disease.[/QUOTE]



It was not alcoholism in my situation growing up. I am an only child and my dad and mom divorced when I was 12. My dad's family never got in touch. My grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins and it was a lot of water under the bridge. One cousin on my dad's side re-established me into the family by supporting me. She did it. Maybe in future your son can have this I am 43 now and did not have this until 3 years ago. I hope that you are feeling a little better today. I totally understand the black hole of pain. I hate it.
IrshIzNotSmilin is offline  
Old 11-16-2006, 05:55 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lost in NC
Posts: 416
(((((FriendofBill)))))

Since my wife left to continue her drinking and to be with her alcoholic rehab lover, we have had very little contact with her family. They were never much at staying in touch anyway, but you would think they would be concerned about their grandkids.

Nope.....I am beginning to beleive they are as worthless as their daughter.
guyinNC is offline  
Old 11-16-2006, 07:08 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Alcoholism is also a famiy disease because genetically it means there are probably others in the family who are either alcoholics themselves and/or living with the damage of having lived with it.....maybe without even knowing it. I know that it has been very threatening to some members of my exAH's family. It really makes a mess of things for so many people,but especially the children involved. None of it is rational, as we all know.

I am having the best luck via email. My son communicates that way and usually,so do I. No guarantees but opens a door and possible way for a response in the future.

Has your son ever tried sending a message to the relatives himself, or asking his dad for the information? Just curious. May not change anything,but might seem less threatening to a paranoid brain to hear a grandson just wanted to send his Gpa a Christmas card,etc...

Good luck. Hope today is a much better day for you and glad your had some supportive friends to help you.
Pick-a-name is offline  
Old 11-16-2006, 07:59 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
Cynay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Ahhh sweetie...

You know the drill, you know the ups and downs and the emotional black hole.... we all go there from time to time. Im really glad that you came here and poured it out and Im also glad you have RL friends to hold you ....

I have been a single Mom for 15 years... boy do I ever know the pressures...You have been trying to get in touch for sometime now. I know its important to you and your son... but maybe its time to give that one up to God hon. It is just not the right time.

As far as you ex goes.... quack quack quack.. he is sick and just not worth the pain sweetie. You deserve so much more then that.

SO ... you did not say ... are you out of that black hole yet?
Cynay is offline  
Old 11-16-2006, 09:12 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
1000 Post Club
Thread Starter
 
FriendofBill's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
half way out...gonna run to a meeting now, will check back in soon, maybe be 3/4 out by then!

thanks again everyone...
FriendofBill is offline  
Old 11-16-2006, 10:06 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
 
cwohio's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
the sun is still behind all those dark clouds friend - even when we can't see it - may God shine a rainbow on you today!!!!
cwohio is offline  
Old 11-16-2006, 10:22 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
Zoey's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
FriendoB, Hope the meeting helped. LV and BIG CARING HUGS.
Zoey is offline  
Old 11-16-2006, 12:38 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
1000 Post Club
Thread Starter
 
FriendofBill's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
I went and shared about it with the group...felt good. was small meeting of 5. One woman talked about how she is also a food addict and in OA she learned to live without sugar as it was her "trigger" to other destructive feelings and compulsive over eating.

She then said her communicating with her seperated-husband is that same trigger...therefore she has to cut off communication, just for today, with him, until her trigger is no longer "trigger-able".

Very appropriate for me.
FriendofBill is offline  
Old 11-16-2006, 12:54 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
Cynay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
That sounds reasonable....

So for today put the safety on that trigger and put it away.... Now on to happier days.
Cynay is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:17 AM.