Going to make...
Royalty
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 366
Going to make...
my Thanksgiving predictions right now.
1: Husband will get up early. He will claim that it is so we can all get ready to go to his families. (It will be so he can drink 4 or 5 beers before we leave.)
2: Husband will complain about how long it takes everyone else to be ready (after drinking 3 beers).
3: Husband will arrive at families (because I drive every where we go).
4: Husband has declared Thanksgiving a national (drinking) holiday.
5: We will eat dinner. Husband never eats much, even at Thanksgiving. (too full from drinking)
6: We will play cards. (until husband gets mad, throws a fit, stomps off, stays outside, pouts, sits in car, waits for us all to leave immediately).
7: THIS YEAR a new twist: I will not leave just because he thinks (is drunk) it's time to go.
8: I will have a good time, regardless of what he is doing (saying, spewing).
9: I will not sit and watch football (because I never wanted to speak up for myself and say that I hated it!)
10. I will inform his family about AH's disease, and how to stop feeding it.
11. I will eat the last piece of pumpkin pie, without asking if everyone else wanted it.
12. I will have a Happy Thanksgiving......the first of many to come.
1: Husband will get up early. He will claim that it is so we can all get ready to go to his families. (It will be so he can drink 4 or 5 beers before we leave.)
2: Husband will complain about how long it takes everyone else to be ready (after drinking 3 beers).
3: Husband will arrive at families (because I drive every where we go).
4: Husband has declared Thanksgiving a national (drinking) holiday.
5: We will eat dinner. Husband never eats much, even at Thanksgiving. (too full from drinking)
6: We will play cards. (until husband gets mad, throws a fit, stomps off, stays outside, pouts, sits in car, waits for us all to leave immediately).
7: THIS YEAR a new twist: I will not leave just because he thinks (is drunk) it's time to go.
8: I will have a good time, regardless of what he is doing (saying, spewing).
9: I will not sit and watch football (because I never wanted to speak up for myself and say that I hated it!)
10. I will inform his family about AH's disease, and how to stop feeding it.
11. I will eat the last piece of pumpkin pie, without asking if everyone else wanted it.
12. I will have a Happy Thanksgiving......the first of many to come.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
HAPPY THANKSGIVING HOLYQOW!!!!!! the first of many.......
they NEVER want to eat much....in my case it was because it would kill his "buzz"......he would accuse me of conspiring to control his drinking by simply preparing a family meal.
and if i didn't prepare a meal.....i was a lousy wife.
you're braver than i am by telling his family on thanksgiving day about his drinkin......good luck!!!!
blessings
jeri
they NEVER want to eat much....in my case it was because it would kill his "buzz"......he would accuse me of conspiring to control his drinking by simply preparing a family meal.
and if i didn't prepare a meal.....i was a lousy wife.
you're braver than i am by telling his family on thanksgiving day about his drinkin......good luck!!!!
blessings
jeri
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
HQ,
Some of that sounds like a really good plan - the only one I might be careful would be the step of "telling his family about his disease and how to stop feeding it"
Although this may sound like a healthy thing to do, it might not be accepted very well by his family. They probably already know, but are not ready to admit his problems, or they want to keep on ignoring it like always. It might be better for you to share with them the steps that you are taking to take care of yourself and not to enable him from your point of view - it will be their choice if they continue to "feed" his disease or not.
Just as we are powerless over the alcoholics/addicts in our lives we are also powerless over the untreated Al-Anons -
Keep taking care of you - enjoy that pumpkin pie!!
Just my e,s, & h,
Rita
Some of that sounds like a really good plan - the only one I might be careful would be the step of "telling his family about his disease and how to stop feeding it"
Although this may sound like a healthy thing to do, it might not be accepted very well by his family. They probably already know, but are not ready to admit his problems, or they want to keep on ignoring it like always. It might be better for you to share with them the steps that you are taking to take care of yourself and not to enable him from your point of view - it will be their choice if they continue to "feed" his disease or not.
Just as we are powerless over the alcoholics/addicts in our lives we are also powerless over the untreated Al-Anons -
Keep taking care of you - enjoy that pumpkin pie!!
Just my e,s, & h,
Rita
been searching for the dream
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Inhaling the mountain air through my mind's eye.
Posts: 240
Hey Holy, I like your plan. I agree with Japic05 #10 I do not agree with because I feel it is not necessary. AH may not be realizing anything right now and that is his issue, yours is about you. So, my opinion only, and my thinking is they already know about him. Sooooooooo, let that go if you can and you have a great plan. You should not leave if you do not think it is time to go and if it is not too far how about another person driving him home? Hmmmmmmmmmmm? Ban football and eat pie. Oh yeah and Happy Thanksgiving.
Royalty
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 366
I wasnt planning on spending hours on explaining it to them....I'm just prepared that when AH has his little fit, and stomps outside, (so predictable), to tell his family (particularly his mother) to not "chase" after him anymore. She always tries to smooth it over, and usually agrees with him about why he was mad....and another predictable thing is, it will be the same person that sets him off.....his niece. She just turned 18 ... and at EVERY family gathering for the last six years, she has been the one to say or do something that gets under his skin...it usually happens when we play cards. The last occassion (before I was somewhat wiser, and before finding this place)...she was looking at her mom's cards....AH (drunk and losing) got mad, threw his cards, stomped out. And dumb me, quit playing also, thought the niece was the one wrong, gathered up the kids and left with AH.....not gonna happen this year.
This niece lives three states away, and doesn't deserve to be treated this way, since we seldom get to see her. I don't think she should have to "choose" what she says, or how, or anything when she comes up. She should not have to worry what thing is going to set him off this time. Her mom, my sister-in-law, even mentioned that she thought it was the alcohol speaking during the last visit. We only see them 3 to 4 times a year, and even SHE knew what the problem was then. We vacation together for a week each year....that was another fiasco! AH still tells stories about this niece, when he played CANDYLAND with her when she was FOUR years old....she accused him of CHEATING...lmao....but anyways, he cannot forget that.....and I just wonder how drunk he was on that occassion. He thinks she should have more respect for her UNCLE (him)....and from what she has seen, every drunken holiday and vacation, I can see where she is unable to give him any respect. She is the only one that will say something, and AH doesn't like it.....well too bad. No need to buy fireworks, there will already be a show!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
This niece lives three states away, and doesn't deserve to be treated this way, since we seldom get to see her. I don't think she should have to "choose" what she says, or how, or anything when she comes up. She should not have to worry what thing is going to set him off this time. Her mom, my sister-in-law, even mentioned that she thought it was the alcohol speaking during the last visit. We only see them 3 to 4 times a year, and even SHE knew what the problem was then. We vacation together for a week each year....that was another fiasco! AH still tells stories about this niece, when he played CANDYLAND with her when she was FOUR years old....she accused him of CHEATING...lmao....but anyways, he cannot forget that.....and I just wonder how drunk he was on that occassion. He thinks she should have more respect for her UNCLE (him)....and from what she has seen, every drunken holiday and vacation, I can see where she is unable to give him any respect. She is the only one that will say something, and AH doesn't like it.....well too bad. No need to buy fireworks, there will already be a show!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
If you are sure
If you are sure it will turn out this way, why go? Others may decide to ruin the spirit of the day, It is a day of Thanksgiving. To me that means I will count my blessings. I will remember the soldiers around the world who would do anything to be home with their families. I will remember those who don't have a turkey or a friend to eat it with. I will tell you this for your own good. No one comes into my house and tells me how to treat my children, no one will use my Thanksgiving table as their soapbox. I'm not trying to be harsh. If he chooses to stomp off, let him. If you cant go and be gracious, don't go. His parents only do what they know how to do.
Royalty
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 366
I will tell you this for your own good. No one comes into my house and tells me how to treat my children, no one will use my Thanksgiving table as their soapbox. I'm not trying to be harsh. If he chooses to stomp off, let him. If you cant go and be gracious, don't go. His parents only do what they know how to do.
Why go?? So if anyone has an opinion, they should just stay home? I should just stay home because AH will drink and make an azz of himself??? You're serious with this reply???????????
When a sentence starts with "I'll tell you this for your own good" and "not trying to be harsh"... there can't be anything good following those sentences. I think you should look at your own soapbox, and make some repairs to it.
Don't worry, I am not upset by your reply. I am actually shaking my head, confused that you would think that your reply was helpful in any way. I am thankful for many things, so please do not imply otherwise. I don't need to list them, to make myself appear to be a better person. Have a Happy Thanksgiving.
been searching for the dream
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Inhaling the mountain air through my mind's eye.
Posts: 240
[QUOTE=HolyQow]I wasnt planning on spending hours on explaining it to them....I'm just prepared that when AH has his little fit, and stomps outside, (so predictable), to tell his family (particularly his mother) to not "chase" after him anymore. She always tries to smooth it over, and usually agrees with him about why he was mad....and another predictable thing is, it will be the same person that sets him off.....his niece. She just turned 18 ... and at EVERY family gathering for the last six years, she has been the one to say or do something that gets under his skin...it usually happens when we play cards. The last occassion (before I was somewhat wiser, and before finding this place)...she was looking at her mom's cards....AH (drunk and losing) got mad, threw his cards, stomped out. And dumb me, quit playing also, thought the niece was the one wrong, gathered up the kids and left with AH.....not gonna happen this year.
My response here: I am just thinking that maybe some of his issues are with his family of origin as was posted about families, that make him get set off about or around her. Some past experience that he sees her doing or saying or responding or enjoying that he couldn't, wouldn't or shouldn't. It is getting set off and he can't stop it because of the drink. I hear you here. Your right and your making amends here for how badly you feel for your niece. If we are to let go and let god, let it go there and know that it will be in the hands of someone greater. I am new to this but it is just a suggestion. I think holidays like this bring up alot of anxiety and we all feel it. Focusing on what will make your day enjoyable and letting the drunk chips fall where they may. No pun inteded.
This niece lives three states away, and doesn't deserve to be treated this way, since we seldom get to see her. I don't think she should have to "choose" what she says, or how, or anything when she comes up. She should not have to worry what thing is going to set him off this time. Her mom, my sister-in-law, even mentioned that she thought it was the alcohol speaking during the last visit. We only see them 3 to 4 times a year, and even SHE knew what the problem was then. We vacation together for a week each year....that was another fiasco! AH still tells stories about this niece, when he played CANDYLAND with her when she was FOUR years old....she accused him of CHEATING...lmao....but anyways, he cannot forget that.....and I just wonder how drunk he was on that occassion. He thinks she should have more respect for her UNCLE (him)....and from what she has seen, every drunken holiday and vacation, I can see where she is unable to give him any respect. She is the only one that will say something, and AH doesn't like it.....well too bad. No need to buy fireworks, there will already be a show!
My response here:
Your right on here. Young people are often open and wiser than adults. She is projecting her truth about your AH. She is doing so because she feels for you . She knows there is a problem. They know it. Again Happy Thanksgiving and remember everyone gets so emotionally charged around this holiday. We all have our emotions and often hard to keep in check. Best To You Irsh.
My response here: I am just thinking that maybe some of his issues are with his family of origin as was posted about families, that make him get set off about or around her. Some past experience that he sees her doing or saying or responding or enjoying that he couldn't, wouldn't or shouldn't. It is getting set off and he can't stop it because of the drink. I hear you here. Your right and your making amends here for how badly you feel for your niece. If we are to let go and let god, let it go there and know that it will be in the hands of someone greater. I am new to this but it is just a suggestion. I think holidays like this bring up alot of anxiety and we all feel it. Focusing on what will make your day enjoyable and letting the drunk chips fall where they may. No pun inteded.
This niece lives three states away, and doesn't deserve to be treated this way, since we seldom get to see her. I don't think she should have to "choose" what she says, or how, or anything when she comes up. She should not have to worry what thing is going to set him off this time. Her mom, my sister-in-law, even mentioned that she thought it was the alcohol speaking during the last visit. We only see them 3 to 4 times a year, and even SHE knew what the problem was then. We vacation together for a week each year....that was another fiasco! AH still tells stories about this niece, when he played CANDYLAND with her when she was FOUR years old....she accused him of CHEATING...lmao....but anyways, he cannot forget that.....and I just wonder how drunk he was on that occassion. He thinks she should have more respect for her UNCLE (him)....and from what she has seen, every drunken holiday and vacation, I can see where she is unable to give him any respect. She is the only one that will say something, and AH doesn't like it.....well too bad. No need to buy fireworks, there will already be a show!
My response here:
Your right on here. Young people are often open and wiser than adults. She is projecting her truth about your AH. She is doing so because she feels for you . She knows there is a problem. They know it. Again Happy Thanksgiving and remember everyone gets so emotionally charged around this holiday. We all have our emotions and often hard to keep in check. Best To You Irsh.
When Pigs Fly
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
i'm so lost right now in this post
I just wanted to say HQ have a great Turkey day.
Mine will be the best ever... My AH will not be there!
Nor will he be here for Christmas or New years. This is going to be a great ending for a crappy year.
I just wanted to say HQ have a great Turkey day.
Mine will be the best ever... My AH will not be there!
Nor will he be here for Christmas or New years. This is going to be a great ending for a crappy year.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I no longer cook T-giving dinner except for the turkey. I buy all the other crap at an upscale grocery store in Phoenix - already prepared. AH and I used to go to a friend's house - she'd have over about 30 people. AH was always on good behavior because he has the "nice guy" act down pat with his best friend's family. Now we live in Nowhereville so I just toss out the food, thank my Higher Power for food on my table and a roof over my head, then I leave my AH to his own devices. Usually those devices include him eating with his fingers and falling into his plate. Eating T-giving dinner in front of my computer ain't so bad.
A's are masters of the drama-queen-stomp-out. I just blow them off. If they don't have an audience they soon quit performing. Do what you want to do to please you. His mess is HIS mess.
A's are masters of the drama-queen-stomp-out. I just blow them off. If they don't have an audience they soon quit performing. Do what you want to do to please you. His mess is HIS mess.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I interpreted your post the same way that Mallow did. Why put up with poor behavior at all? You shouldn't have to plan your Thanksgiving around your husband's selfish, drunken behavior. How about leaving him at home and spending time only with people you enjoy? That's setting a clear boundary.
I don't think you realize this, but your post was all about him.
I don't think you realize this, but your post was all about him.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
You said,"I will inform his family about AH disease and how to stop feeding it". I think they know he has a problem and I think you can share with them how YOU handle it, they may resent you telling them how not to feed it. You are already certain that he's going to ruin the day. Someone will work hard to put a nice dinner, if I knew he was going to ruin it, I wouldn't go. If I had to start declining invitations because of his behavior and drunkeness, I would spare them and myself and seriously consider that if I'm staying with him, I best stay home or bring him back a plate. I don't really have any issues around Thanksgiving. If I cooked and invited people over, one person got drunk....again...stormed off....again. That scene was followed by instruction on how I should not feed into it, I 'd probably cry. The whole day would be consumed with him getting drunk, tolerating him, and after he left, being instructedf on how to handle him. That would pretty much make the whole darn day about him. Well. the day isn't about him.
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