First Post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: KeepentheZOO
Posts: 5
First Post
Well I have tried for years to chat but just have not been good at it. I live with an alcoholic know I am never going to leave and just need an outlet. I know there are many people out there just like me and I just want to share. I go to work every day and come home to watch my husband drink himself into a stuper. He is a quiet lonely drunk and stays to himself in his room till he passes out. I often say there must be a better life but this is where I am and have learned to live with it. Guess I just need someone to talk to. I can't even figure out how to make a new post!
Irene2
Irene2
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I don't which is worse - the wildly social drunk I was married to who spent most of his evenings in a bar, or the isolated, "I drink alone" drunk I'm married to now! It's a lonely life when you live with an addict. They are emotionally unavailable. They detach from themselves and their own issues, so it rationally follows that they detach from us too.
Do you have family and friends with whom you can share quality time? Have you given Al-Anon a try?
Do you have family and friends with whom you can share quality time? Have you given Al-Anon a try?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
hello irene
welcome aboard!!! you have found a wonderful place to share others stories of experience, strength, and hope.
many people are able to continue to live with their alcoholic AND find happiness within themselves. one way is to understand how to help yourself. al-anon has been a great help for me. in fact, it was a life-saver for me.
just keep coming back and posting and reading.
there are a great group of people here who either have lived, lived in, or lived through the same thing that you are experiencing.
hugs to you irene and blessing
jeri
welcome aboard!!! you have found a wonderful place to share others stories of experience, strength, and hope.
many people are able to continue to live with their alcoholic AND find happiness within themselves. one way is to understand how to help yourself. al-anon has been a great help for me. in fact, it was a life-saver for me.
just keep coming back and posting and reading.
there are a great group of people here who either have lived, lived in, or lived through the same thing that you are experiencing.
hugs to you irene and blessing
jeri
been searching for the dream
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Inhaling the mountain air through my mind's eye.
Posts: 240
Hello Irene2 and welcome. I hear how stuck you feel. Keep posting here. Personally, I totally understand. My AH is a little different that he does not drink himself into a stupor but he drinks every nite too. there are bad moments and good moments. It is often very lonely as prodigal posted. I feel that very much sometimes. Irsh
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: KeepentheZOO
Posts: 5
When As a child my father was an alcoholic, they say we marry our Fathers but my Father was a happy person my husband is just misrable. I have not tried alanon as the only place I go socialy is work. I gave up friends years ago because my husband embarressed me in front of them. Our children do not come around as they do not want to expose their children to him. So I guess that is why I am tring to learn how to do this as I truly need an outlet aside from work. Irene
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Since you haven't given Al-anon a try, why don't you go to six meetings? That is what is suggested to all newcomers. After six meetings, if you decide it isn't your cup of tea, don't go back. Can you visit and socialize with friends by going to the movies, any cultural events you may enjoy? There was a time that I kept myself isolated for two years. I went to work and then I went home to a drunk. A drunk, by the way, who had no problem hitting me.
I finally widened my social circle and found activities I enjoyed doing alone or with a friend. Can you visit your children in their homes? Perhaps you have a hobby or interest you wish to pursue. I made some dear friends in Al-anon. Some folks were into having potluck dinners and inviting the group, others got together to dig in the dirt ("gardners"). Getting out of the house will allow you to make connections with others. You shouldn't have to sit alone in a house night after night with an unpleasant A.
I finally widened my social circle and found activities I enjoyed doing alone or with a friend. Can you visit your children in their homes? Perhaps you have a hobby or interest you wish to pursue. I made some dear friends in Al-anon. Some folks were into having potluck dinners and inviting the group, others got together to dig in the dirt ("gardners"). Getting out of the house will allow you to make connections with others. You shouldn't have to sit alone in a house night after night with an unpleasant A.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: KeepentheZOO
Posts: 5
Yes, I have thought about Alanon. The meeting in my area is on Wednesday afternoons. Out of the question for me I have tried to locate other meetings but have not so far. I do spend a day a week with my grandchildren I call it my Happy Day. I have done this since the oldest was 3 months old. He is now 9 and has 2 siblings. I did like to garden years ago but my house has become in such dis-repair because my AH does nothing at home but drink, so whatever I do it can not make anything better as I see things he needs to do and just will not so I ignore it all and put all my efforts into work. I have thae attitude that I no longer care. I have my pets and a few shows on TV I enjoy watching and that is it. Even when I had Cancer I did not go to the support I have become such an island.
Irene
Irene
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: KeepentheZOO
Posts: 5
It is not that I can't leave him just that after having one divorce in my life I just don't want to go there again. I promised him that if he did not quit drinking by the time my Chemo was over I would leave and at this time I don't think he even cares if I do. I just really like where I live and on my own I could not afford to live like this. I work with the public every day and I live in isolation. We have 15 acres and when I wake in the morning I look out at Wild Turkeys, Deer and Lord only knows what else appears out there. We have the most beautiful group of Red Fox thaat live here and I get so much joy from watching them. I just know I could not have that on my own.
Irene
Irene
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Welcome to SR Irene. I can't really tell you how I dealt with living with an AH, because the truth is, I didn't deal with it very well. And now, AH and I are no longer together.
However.....there is something that I wish I would have done a long time ago. You see, I lived my life around AH and through AH in many ways. I basically gave up my life, took care of all the responsibilities (kids, house, etc). And while I am not sorry for having done that in some aspects - there are things that I wish I would have done differently. I wish that I would have went ahead, got out of my house, and enjoyed all that life had to offer. I have in the past few years been experiencing the things that I (and my kids) missed out on! And it's been so wonderful!
If you are choosing to stay with your AH and to keep the lifestyle that you have, I guess I'd suggest that you not just sit home with your tv while your AH is hiding in the bedroom.
You have a beautiful veiw from your home. Let it serve as a reminder to you of all the beauty that life has to offer. Go out with your friends, dig your hands back into the dirt and garden again, enjoy a movie night or girls night out with your friends doing things you enjoy. Find the joy in life again!
However.....there is something that I wish I would have done a long time ago. You see, I lived my life around AH and through AH in many ways. I basically gave up my life, took care of all the responsibilities (kids, house, etc). And while I am not sorry for having done that in some aspects - there are things that I wish I would have done differently. I wish that I would have went ahead, got out of my house, and enjoyed all that life had to offer. I have in the past few years been experiencing the things that I (and my kids) missed out on! And it's been so wonderful!
If you are choosing to stay with your AH and to keep the lifestyle that you have, I guess I'd suggest that you not just sit home with your tv while your AH is hiding in the bedroom.
You have a beautiful veiw from your home. Let it serve as a reminder to you of all the beauty that life has to offer. Go out with your friends, dig your hands back into the dirt and garden again, enjoy a movie night or girls night out with your friends doing things you enjoy. Find the joy in life again!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Hi Irene, glad you are here. Sounds like you are very sad about your situation, and I'm sorry to hear that.
Something I learned early on in Al-Anon was that all the things I thought I could not do without AH in my life (financially, etc.) I could. It has turned out to be true. I hope another Al-Anon meeting opens up for you at a convenient time - meeting new friends who know exactly what you're going through can be so helpful and helps restore hope.
I'm glad you figured out how to post here - isn't it nice to know you're not alone? I remember how relieved I was when I found that out.
Keep coming back! ((()))
Something I learned early on in Al-Anon was that all the things I thought I could not do without AH in my life (financially, etc.) I could. It has turned out to be true. I hope another Al-Anon meeting opens up for you at a convenient time - meeting new friends who know exactly what you're going through can be so helpful and helps restore hope.
I'm glad you figured out how to post here - isn't it nice to know you're not alone? I remember how relieved I was when I found that out.
Keep coming back! ((()))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Corning, CA
Posts: 6
Hi Irene,
I have a beautiful place too. Deer come up to all around me. I have Grey Squirrels that eat nuts I give them. Quail, Dove, and a Domestic Turkey that weighs over 30 lbs. Raising nine chickens too. These are the things that give me strength. My computer is important to me too. This group is really helping me. When he is drinking I go into my Computer Room and stay away. Fortunately he doesn't know anything about computers.
I have a beautiful place too. Deer come up to all around me. I have Grey Squirrels that eat nuts I give them. Quail, Dove, and a Domestic Turkey that weighs over 30 lbs. Raising nine chickens too. These are the things that give me strength. My computer is important to me too. This group is really helping me. When he is drinking I go into my Computer Room and stay away. Fortunately he doesn't know anything about computers.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 70
Hi, Irene,
While I just found SR myself, I have been involved in Al-Anon for about 4 years. It has been life-changing for me. It has given me hope. The welcome in Al-Anon talks about it being possible to find contentment, and even happiness, whether the alchoholic is still drinking or not. I have been able to find happiness, despite the progression of the disease with my husband. My husband was a nice drunk. While I can be grateful that he is not drinking today, he is not sober in his thinking, and his activity is as if he were drunk - a dry drunk. He makes choices to continue to feed into the progression of alcoholism.
I'm glad you're reaching out here, because that is the first step to breaking the isolation of this disease. While there might not be other Al-Anon meetings available in your area, you might want to look into attending an open AA group. This is also helpful and an available option for the family member of an alcoholic. There is also literature available through Al-Anon websites, or at bookstores (Half Price Bookstores).
I remember being alone and isolated.
It helps so much to talk with others who understand what you are going through, it helps to know you are not alone in your experience, we can identify with what you are going through.
Do you know, laughter can once again become a part of your life?
Love and peace,
While I just found SR myself, I have been involved in Al-Anon for about 4 years. It has been life-changing for me. It has given me hope. The welcome in Al-Anon talks about it being possible to find contentment, and even happiness, whether the alchoholic is still drinking or not. I have been able to find happiness, despite the progression of the disease with my husband. My husband was a nice drunk. While I can be grateful that he is not drinking today, he is not sober in his thinking, and his activity is as if he were drunk - a dry drunk. He makes choices to continue to feed into the progression of alcoholism.
I'm glad you're reaching out here, because that is the first step to breaking the isolation of this disease. While there might not be other Al-Anon meetings available in your area, you might want to look into attending an open AA group. This is also helpful and an available option for the family member of an alcoholic. There is also literature available through Al-Anon websites, or at bookstores (Half Price Bookstores).
I remember being alone and isolated.
It helps so much to talk with others who understand what you are going through, it helps to know you are not alone in your experience, we can identify with what you are going through.Do you know, laughter can once again become a part of your life?
Love and peace,
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