He's been gone a week
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NC
Posts: 240
He's been gone a week
and I haven't heard a word from him. Well, I did turn off his cell phone so he has no way of calling. I think I did that more for me than for him:so that I wouldn't keep calling him. I wonder if he's still sober, sometimes and other times I could care less. My emotions are all over the place. I also took him off of my car insurance and changed my life insurance benificery to my brother. I haven't filed for legal separation (in NC you have to be separated a year before you can divorce but not legally, you can just both agree on a date). I haven't looked into selling his car yet. I'm just not ready for the total finality of it all, it's like there's this little (very little) spark of hope left in me. Why? I guess cause I love him.
I did find out it was more than $10 that he stole from credit cards at the place he worked. It was multiple times adding up to $150 which I guess they are giving him the chance to pay back or else prosecute.
That's the one thing I don't understand, he wasn't using (that I know of) no signs of it at all yet he's stealing,for what. My therapist said desperate men do desperate things (he's way behind in childsupport) and facing jail time if NC is/does pursue him in Buffalo.
Yesterday, I was soooooo tired at work and as soon as I went home I just slept for 3 hrs. I don't sit and wait for the phone to ring, I don't obsessively worry about him, I'm just sad and angry and scared. It's not easy, but I do the best I can each day and getting to work seems to be about all I can do these days.
I did find out it was more than $10 that he stole from credit cards at the place he worked. It was multiple times adding up to $150 which I guess they are giving him the chance to pay back or else prosecute.
That's the one thing I don't understand, he wasn't using (that I know of) no signs of it at all yet he's stealing,for what. My therapist said desperate men do desperate things (he's way behind in childsupport) and facing jail time if NC is/does pursue him in Buffalo.
Yesterday, I was soooooo tired at work and as soon as I went home I just slept for 3 hrs. I don't sit and wait for the phone to ring, I don't obsessively worry about him, I'm just sad and angry and scared. It's not easy, but I do the best I can each day and getting to work seems to be about all I can do these days.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 6
I understand your pain
My AH has convinced me many times he needed to stop drinking and yet after 12 years Im still hanging around waiting and hoping to see change, I have been away from AH for a month now because he is jail again for DUI. Very quite in my home since he has been gone, I wish I could have that peace in my home always and still have him in my life, I love him and want him so despreatly to be serious and have sobriety in his life..long term..I have decided to not focuse on divorce and give him at least a year of seperation to see if his heart is True. Problom now is Im arguing with my daughters who act as if they hate me!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NC
Posts: 240
No, he's not in jail. We live in NC and he moved back to Buffalo last monday. We were in marriage therapy and then he goes and gets caught stealing from work and it just threw me over the edge. It was really a mutual , although snap decision but he was sick of me expecting him to DO something (depressed, went to alanon sporadically, not motivated to find a job, really total lack of responsibility). I guess there is a chance he will go to jail for either issue. What's so frustrating is that I've learned the even sober he is completely unable to be honest about his feelings, own up to his mistakes and take accountability for his actions. This is what he does drunk or not as I've just found out and that is RUN...RUN...RUN...He returned to live with his brother in a drinking environment but intends to remain sober. I don't really care if he drinks again or not, today he isn't my problem.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
Blizzard,
You have taken big steps. Do what you are capable of at the moment.
What you are going through is hard.
Even if he wasn't drinking but stealing, if he has no program he's reverting back to old behaviors to survive.
Ngaire
You have taken big steps. Do what you are capable of at the moment.
What you are going through is hard.
Even if he wasn't drinking but stealing, if he has no program he's reverting back to old behaviors to survive.
Ngaire
been searching for the dream
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Inhaling the mountain air through my mind's eye.
Posts: 240
I ditto ngaire. You have made leaps just in a short time. Whew!! Take a breather and be. That is all you can do. Do nice things for you. You are feeling a lot of pain and it is hard.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
You got left with a mess. You haven't really had time to sperate your self from his problems. I'm not convinced that he didn't run. Holy Toledo, he got caught ripping off people, he's darn lucky! What don't we know? This all happend so fast, it will take time to regain your footing. He got his butt into a serious legal jam. He left all the details for you to deal with. Maybe once you have dealt with his fall out, live life without this drama for bit, you will feel the weight of the world off your shoulders.
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