HolyQow

and not alcohol related at all!

Ok here's my vent for today. I moved all of our computers, desks and all upstairs yesterday (4 of them). I spent 12 hours, cleaning the room out, running wires,unassembling, reasembling desks, hauling junk out, including an old TV that doesn't work....etc...etc...etc...

Hubby gets home to help with last desk.

I left for two hours today, and when I came home, Hubby says, go look in the other room....ok. I come back, it doesn't look any different, I am still not done in this room where computers were, and have alot of cleaning and moving furniture to do....so I ask what? He says, I ran the sweeper where the computers were, since we haven't been able to for a long time.......

*&^%$#%$#^(**)(8 I am supposed to thank him now???

He only swept 1/4 of the room anyways, didn't even bother to do the whole room, and only picked up HIS clothes, none of mine or our sons, and swept AROUND those...

yes, there is more, stay with me here!

I say great, put on a fake smile, and say, well I still have alot to do in this room....so I go to fix everyone lunch and come back.....what is hubby doing now????? OMG he is emptying the CLOSET to this room! This is not your average closet, it's huge, and packed to the ceiling, because we don't have many closets......

NOOOOO!

If I need to explain past this, then you're either a man, or you have never had a man help you clean around the house.

*note: He had no alcohol prior to his helping spree! Three hours later, when we finished cleaning the room, and putting the furniture where we wanted, he went and bought beer! I guess he figures he deserved it, for all of HIS hard work

Sorry to the men .... I just had to let off some steam... and there is more cleaning for tomorrow! (no, not doing the closet still!) lol

prodigal

I went to a party at a guy's townhome once and kept complimenting him on his great cleaning skills. My husband is no slob, but his level of "cleaning" and mine are quite differernt. He thinks the toilet bowl brush is for swishing around in the bowl. I think the cleanser needs to be there with the brush to make the toilet really clean.

I assume your husband is an alcoholic. Honey, if his half-a**ed cleaning is all you had to complain about, you are very lucky. On the other hand, if he is being a slob and not pulling his weight because he is out at the local put partying with his buds, then you have a problem.

Are you upset with a basic guy problem or is there a major problem here with addiction?

best

Why?
For any of us that want to take notes...you gave a good explaination of what we need to do and what we should not do.

I moved a chest of draws the other day. My wife didn't say thank you. She did point out (in a soft gentle tone) that the mess that was under the chest could have been picked up as well. She just smiled and said..."well I did get some progress out of you"
She didn't let herself get upset. I heard the message very clearly and I will finish the job so I don't need go through the trash because she throws my stuff out when I am not looking.

Her.... But you have been saving that since...
Me... but I may need it some day.

She is right...I just don't like throwing things away *LOL*

PapaG

By the time I've finished clearing up my own rubbish (if I bother) I'm too tired to clear up my GF's rubbish or my son's toys. Perhaps it is a man thing. I realise that I have actually expected some kind of thanks from my spouse in the past for getting off my a** and doing some cleaning when in fact I deserve none at all. FACT . I don't do enough, she does more.

It has nowt to do with drinking though...obviously, being pi*sed impedes one's ability to do simple tasks and actually causes more mess than is being cleared up but it doesn't change the fact that most men don't do as much around the house as women do.

My point is...

Reading posts on this website...any posts.. is educational. It allows me to stand outside myself a little and see what I am doing ...or not doing...that could be improved. So, perhaps now i will do a bit more around the house unconditionally...just cos it needs doing and it takes some stress of my GF's shoulders

You never know...she might even like me a bit more!


Thans for letting me get that out...very useful therapy.

embraced2000

lol------most men don't clean house like women.....mine used to run the vacuum and you would think he deserved a congressional medal of honor.
never mind that he ran it through the center of the room, and the edges of the carpet were laying with dust....i just let him have at it.

at that time, i was so thankful that he was sober for a while that i would have been in absolute awe of anything functional that he attempted.

god bless
jeri

mallowcup

but....My husband is much more organized and clean than I am, when he cleans, he cleans. My brothers are the same way. I cram closets and make the outward appearance of being clean. My counters are clean and no matter what the bathroom and kitchen get attention everyday. You did say you were going to clean the room, in your husbands defense, he was cleaning the room. If the closet is crammed and it just hidden behind a closed door, it isn't clean.When my husband cleans, it it military clean. I don't like to attach gender to it, if I did, I'd lose hands down.

TexasGirl

LOL, mallowcup, me too!

cmc

After being married just a few weeks, I came home early one day to find my hubby vacuuming the entire apartment!! Whoa! I never saw my dad do that!! (maybe he did it because it hadn't been done yet since I moved in! haha)
He was used to cleaning while growing up without a mom around, and always was willing to help except with making the bed and doing dishes.
After many years of marraige...he is now decently 'trained' lol, and performs quite well!!! So- I have no complaints as the dishes and beds now get done...but are not his strong points!
That in mind... I made a point to teach my sons how to do 'housework' and my prek male students as well...learned to wash pretend dishes and do pretend laundry!! Mission accomplished!
cmc
ps
mr cmc wants you all to know that he does like to do the grocery shopping...(he really does!) and always gets me chocolate. Also- I am to let you know that he says 'thank you' for my appreciation of his effort!

HolyQow

That was my point, he finally does ONE thing, (and half-azzed), and wants ....no, expects a huge thank you.

As for the closet, He even said "I have no idea what's even in here!" ...so if you don't know, then what were you going to do with all of it? He did suggest storing it all in the garage....but I baulked at that idea, because it's a detached garage, no heat, and mice problem because of the dog food kept there. It's mostly memorabilia, high school year books, vinyl records (ok I'm really old), baby stuff, pictures, all stuff that I don't want ruined in the garage.

I do appreciate his help, but was mostly poking fun at how he goes about it.

Prodigal: You seem to have taken my post way to seriously. It was a MAN thing, not a drinking problem. I am sure there is no forum for MEN WHO SUCK AT CLEANING, so do not redirect me. Yes, he is an A. This particular day he had not drank (yet). I think a lot of us like to think that everything an A does (or doesn't do), is because he is an A....this time, it was because he was a MAN. There is still hope, we have only been together 6 1/2 years, he is still "trainable" I think.....LOL

HolyQow

I HATE grocery shopping....does mr cmc have a brother? :kidding:

I can remember telling hubby that when he got back from store, if there wasn't chocolate in the bag, he was going to have to make a second trip! Now he does get me chocolate pretty regular when he goes (not grocery shopping, department store) so he does think of me every now and then.

I actually gave him a list like this once:
Dog Food
Chocolate
DVD's
Chocolate
Underwear
Chocolate

LOL

cmc

HolyQow,
I know about those vinyl records!!! I still have some in my attic!!!

hehe... yes, he has a younger brother... but the answer is 'no' because
he is married.

btw- my hubby is in recovery... many years now. We have been married almost 33 years. I am grateful for the life we have. There is hope for those who choose it.

rkymtncowboy

I just love how all of you women generalize alcoholism to a mans thing. What are you thinking? This site sucks with the way you women think. Just remember there are men with women that ack exactly the way men are acting. It is the alcohol not the sex, wake up!!!

mallowcup

I said I don't like to attach gender to it and I'm a woman.

jimhere

Mind you, my place isn't spotless by any means, but I keep a fairly tidy house and I'm a man. I live by myself and work full-time and have a full life. And I've seen some women who could put any man (or woman) to shame in the slob housekeeping department.
Jim

reader

Oh Dear Lord, this would have put me over the edge. I am now so grateful that my husband is a neat freak. i am the clutterbug! Prayers out to u, I would be seeing red!!!!

Tally

My abf expects to be thanked if he does the smallest thing.

I gave up nagging him to help me around the house a long time ago, it bothers me sometimes but on the whole I don't bother letting myself get worked up by his inability to tidy up or clean anything.

But a while back I found myself thanking him for the tiniest thing. I spent the day cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, tidying the living room, sorting my daughters clothes out....dishes...he can't even scrape his plate...but moans if there's food in the sink, lol...But anyway...I had a busy day, my back was aching and he came in the kitchen and took the rubbish out and I must have said thank you about 4 times. He didn't thank me for scraping his plates, for washing his dishes, for putting his clothes away, for cleaning the floors or dusting the surfaces...

So I stopped saying thank you when he would do something.

In one of his "rages" a few weeks later he berated me for not acknowledging when he does help me, for not appreciating it...said he might as well not bother at all....because I didn't appreciate it when he did bother helping me...
He'd obviously noticed I'd stopped thanking him and didn't like it.

And I know what you mean about him sweeping around your clothes....I giggled when I read that...my abf was very pleased with himself one day because he'd mopped the kitchen floor whilst I was out. I thanked him lots of course and went into the kitchen to see. Our cat had vomited on the floor, but instead of cleaning up the vomit, he'd left that bit for me and mopped around it

rkymtncowboy - I'm not sure about the US, but here in the UK, it is commonly known as a "man thing"...we even have lots of reality TV shows regarding men not pulling their weight with the housework...chauvinism I believe is the word.

cmc

I agree that men and women can both be 'messies' and there is alot of gender bias on both sides of that issue. The point of this particular thread is not about the alcohol use. As the original poster said...
This was meant to be a lighthearted discussion on how these things actually work themselves out in our various households... sometimes we like to have a bit of fun here and no offense is intended to men or women who are slobs, sober or not.

HolyQow

I think you have totally missed the boat, cowboy.

I was talking about how it DID NOT relate to alcohol, it related to how my husband is awful at cleaning around the house. He literally has NO clue what to do....the example was, sweep around stuff, and decided to clean a closet when there was a huge amount of other stuff to do first.

Wrong: It is not the alcohol all of the time!
I did say that I think we jump to conclusions that things are always related to alcohol, when in fact, sometimes it has absolutely nothing to do with alcohol, and in this particular case....it is a MAN.

I apologized to the men, because I know they are not all this way. I made no comment on how women clean or do not clean. We all have our faults, which (again!) has NOTHING to do with alcohol or gender!

This was supposed to be a fun post, and I am sorry that some took it the wrong way. I am sure there could be just as many posts about how women mowed the grass the wrong way, or put the tools in the wrong box. These are not strictly a "man's" job, but that is the way it is in this society, and so the cleaning falls into the "women's" category. I can also tell you that I do mow grass, change my own oil, and wash my own TRUCK....happy now?

On another note (haha, u thought I was done didn't you?!), I am not convinced that these man and woman "jobs" are a gender problem, I think it is 50% how we were raised and 50% for doing stuff we are good at. When I look at all of the work my husband and I did remodeling his house, there were only a few jobs that I could not do, and some of the jobs that I did do, because I was better at it than him. Examples: I did all of the tile/grout and all of the electrical work. He did all of the bracing of floor/ and painting aluminum roof. Some of it is just because some things are more physical than others, but when there are non-physical jobs (cleaning and oil changing) then I believe that anyone should be able to do them equally.

If you think that the women here are bashing men for being alcoholics, I would say that it is mostly women on this site (at least in this forum) that live with alcoholics...probably as much as 90% women, and another generalizition is that women express their feelings more. There may be as many men on this site, but I would guess that not as many of them are as open, and feel the need to share, as some of us females that just won't stop talking ...

and talking...

and talking...

lol

mallowcup

This I what I find typical. When behavior is attached to gender the real point is lost.