phab4ever

My A is a functioning alcoholic. He goes to work everyday(although most days I can't believe he can do it ). He's told me in one of our rare deep conversations that he wakes up with terrible hangovers!
I have read that a functioning alcoholic can be one of the worst to deal with because they feel that as long as they're working they don't need to get help.
Here's my question: How long can they go on like this? Will they always be able to function? I have read conflicting views on this.Maybe its up to the individual'I DON"T KNOW..?
Any insight that I can get on this will be greatly appreciated.

THANKS,Karen

constant

I have no medical background, but from what I have witnessed the desease does progress. I am sure that it varies from person to person, but after years of drinking the body starts breaking down. What I witnessed was someone that I thought had totally ruined their mind. He appeared to be unable to complete a thought process, but after he stopped drinking, his mind returned to "normal". It is my understanding though that if he were to drink again that his body would pick up where it left off.

Now I am watching my Father who never missed work, but now is retired. He used to be a "good cover" but now just a couple of drinks sends him over the edge. His mind is confused and is difficult for him to carry on a conversation. However, he does not drink when he comes to my house and he appears to be the dear old Dad that I grew up with.

I would imagine that how long someone could funtion like that depends on how much they drink and how their body reacts to the alcohol.

Maybe someone elso can provide better insight, but this has been my experience.

smoke gets in my eyes

Howdy Phab!
76 years. Or rather... that's how old my Dad was when he died. He actually had started to slack off a couple of years earlier, though. If there is such a thing, Dad was not just a functioning alcoholic, but a thriving alcoholic. He wasn't home alot, but I don't really think the drinking ever kept him from doing or accomplishing anything else. Of course, there's little doubt he would have lived longer without it.

I expect this is pretty rare. Like you said, it's an individual thing. I am wondering if your question has to do with trying to forsee a bottom which he might begin to come back from? I understand the notion, but that sort of thing is not predictable. If you're trying to figure out if you want to stay in a relationship with him, it's safer to approach it from the "what you see is what you get" angle. Lot's of alcoholic's good points outweigh the bad. My dad for instance. You are the only person who knows what compromises are acceptable to you.

Hugs,
Smoke

journeygal

More input from someone with no medical background

My dad was a functioning alcoholic for about 25 years. During that time he kept the same job and if we went to work with hangovers, I never knew about it. He never missed a day of work, except for family vacations. He was overweight, had high blood pressure, and chased down what seemed like about 10 aspirin a day w/a beer or vodka for bad headaches. He came home from work everyday around 2:30 and started drinking from 2:31 till about 8 pm.

(Wait a minute - those headaches were probably HANGOVERS - D'uh!!!! Gotta love being in denial!!!!)

He had a few seizures at one point, but other than that he was never sick - except for the headaches/hangovers.

While he was still drinking my mom and I really didn't expect him to be around for long, but who knows? These days he's turned into a health nut. He works out everyday, eats healthy, and hasn't had a drink in 12 years, when he finally reached his bottom.

By the way, all his drinking buddies/friends/coworkers/fellow functioning A's have been drinking for at least as long, and some are still going strong.

So, I guess the answer to your question is - they can function a really long time.

phab4ever

large Thanks for the insight. Iwould have thought my A would have hit his bottom about 5 years ago.At that time he had an affair with a woman(boss) he worked with.It lasted about 2 months.He told me he was drunk almost constantly during that time.We were working opposite shifts and I wasn't aware that he was drinking So much.We were also in bad financial trouble(Iknew things were tight but I didn't realise just how bad it had got)Anyway,I woke up one morning to find a note from my husband(who was passed out on the couch) saying he had found somene else.and he wanted a divorce.I went into shock.People always use to say they were jealous of our relationship.I thought things between us were great.
When I woke up my husband and asked about the note he looked at me like he didn't know what I was talking about!!Anyway to make a VERY long story short,the affair was ended(not before an ugly scene with her parents and husband).We straightened out our money problems,he eventually went to work somewhere else.He started going to AA,but didn't stay with it .Eventually he started drinking again,more and more.He doesn't go outto drink,he drinks at home.
I think I have come a long way since then.I used to blame myself for his problem,I no longer do that.But the major problem I have is TRUST.Not so much about other women,but from an intimacy standpoint.well, I'm rambling but it sure felt good! Again thanks for answering my question PEACE and GOD BLESS,kAREN

beautifulone284

I can relate to your question, I was a functioning addict. I have been an addict since I was 16, I was really heavy into my addiction for the last 7 years. I used everyday, on my way to work, at lunch, on my way home, I even used at home, I hid in the bathroom, in the garage, and the backyard. I figured as long as I went to work everyday, paid my bills and took care of my kids then I was okay. But I wasn't. I was dead inside, using made me feel alive. I became sick and tired. I think they will become sick and tired, after a while it is not fun being high, sometimes we just don't know how to stop using. Hopefully they will just wake up one morning and say I have had enough, and will get the help they need before it kills them. They have to want it you cannot force them into recovery. But yes just because they work and maintain their life, they are still addicts/alcholics. It is up to them to want to stop the spiraling down cycle that they are in, and want to get off that rollercoaster ride they think is so great.

I will pray for you. From a grateful recovering addict (71 days clean)
beautifulone284

phab4ever

Beautifulone,I can't tell you how many times my husband has told me that its no fun drinking anymore.Thats the problem,he is sick and tired , but not enough to get help. I've tried to help him by checking things out for him,such as where to go,or if the insurance will cover it.I know that he has to want to do this himself.One thing I know that worries him is that if he calls the no# the insurance gives him that his job will find out and he'll get fired.I don't believe that would happen..?
Thank you for the feedback.I congratulate youon your progress and will pray for you also.Peace and God Bless You

beth

My father is the same way as Contant's. He was the pinacle of the community; he never missed work, & now is retired. He's sometimes forgetful (at 74), He does not drink when he comes to my house and he 's the loving, kind father I always had.

JT

phab4ever


My husband is as Smoke would say a thriving alcoholic. Right now he is working through his first and only DUI and he quit drinking and driving but the moment he hits he door he heads for the fridge. So I know he has some sense and a respect for the consequences of his drinking but not when it comes to the health aspect. He has no energy and falls asleep (passes out? ) early but he does work construction. That is aways his reason...that he works hard.

I worry for his health...I call him an old man and he just turned 47. He should have much more energy. And he does have a very negative outlook on life and people. But in the big picture he is a good man and loves me to no end. His good qualities outway his
bad so I stay.

The reason I wanted to post is to say that if you want to do some research into treatment options do it for yourself. If he ever becomes ready you will have the information. But don't hold your breath. Looking at my husband I know he could go on like this for a very long time.

Hugs,
JT

lyn_blossom78

Phab:

I don't know if I have any concrete answers for you, but from my experience....

My husband is a thriving alcoholic. Very few people know he drinks. He never has a hangover--wish he did once, he might never drink again! :p He doesn't like to feel sick! He takes a pile of vitamins every day--maybe that's why it doesn't affect him much. But, he had a brother who died of a sudden heart attack at the age of 45 (my husband turned 45 last year), and I'm sure the alcohol could be really bad for his heart.

My bio dad was an alcoholic who drank so much he looked, acted and talked just like he was drunk the last time I saw him alive (1983). He was in FL in a VA hospital, and had been there for 2 weeks without alcohol. Yet he acted drunk! The reason he was there was because he had passed out with alcohol is his mouth or in his throat, and it had dripped down into his lungs and burned a hole in them (apparently this is common). This was the second time he was in there for this reason. He had checked himself out before he was well the first time, and they said if he did it again, he wouldn't live very long. He did check himself out early again, and he died in 1987 at the age of 52. When I had seen him in 1983, he thought he was 65--couldn't really remember for sure, but he looked closer to 80! He was only 48 then!

We have a guy in our hometown who drinks till he passes out every night--whiskey straight! Yuck! He is up by 5:00 a.m. every single morning as happy as a lark! He doesn't look drunk, act drunk or anything! He drinks heavily as soon as he gets home, and passes out around 10:00. He's 50 or so.

A neighbor down the road just died of alcoholism. He was drinking only vodka straight and Pedialyte. That's all he lived on. He was close to 60. He had black spots all over his body by the time he died. I'm surprised he was still alive that long! I was told that electrolytes and alcohol together can easily cause alcohol poisoning. Happens to teenagers alot when they try to put vodka in Gatorade and take it to school--so I hear.

I really think it depends on the person! There are mean alcoholics, and there are happy-go-lucky alcoholics. There are alcoholics that hold down good jobs all their lives, and alcoholics that never work.

Lyn

dancingqueen

All of your posts are so true. My A's rationale for not being an A is that he goes to work everyday, works out, takes care of business and everything is hunky dory. One day, I tried to point out that he lost his marriage due to alcoholism, his reply...that was my fault, I was the one that wanted out of the marriage, he was perfectly happy. There is a lot of truth in what he said, I was the one that wanted out, I had lost myself. There is also a lot of truth in what I said, he did lose his marriage due to alcoholism.

I always blamed my A's incoherent inability to carry on a conversation on pot. After reading your posts I can see that maybe much of this is due to the alcohol. He has a hard time communicating small things and on the other hand he can ramble on and on about nothing. It doesn't matter why he does what he does, what matters is that it is. He is who he is, he doesn't think he has a problem and that is it for now. The big change is in me. I used to try so hard to PROVE that he had a problem. Now I just live and let live. Believe me...that is a huge change for me.

Dancing Queen