lillamy

DH is passed out on the livingroom floor again, after a week of not drinking.
I could be upset, but I'm not.

Thanks to Al-Anon, and this community, I'm just scratching my head and being VERY grateful that I'm seeing things clearly now.

Things had been going really well and he "had been sober for a week" and then he got the call that his crew has to go out of town to work again for a month. And then he has to drink because he's so depressed about having to leave because he'll miss his family so much.

OK, logic, anyone? So because he's sad about having to be without his family for a month in the future, he drinks tonight and misses tonight as well as further pushes me toward a point where being without his family might just be his "new normal."

And why all this talk about him?

Because I'm seeing through his "logic" now. Whereas six months ago, I wouldn't have. I would be babying him and make sure the kids didn't wake him up and feel really bad for him. Because he has to be gone for a month while I get to lead the wonderful, cushy life of a single mother with a full-time job. Poor him.

So that's the bottom line. My life might still be screwed up, but my thinking is defogged. And I'm liking that.

TexasGirl

I'd be willing to be that it will just continue to get clearer and clearer too!

mallowcup

Pretty sad really. It's what's going on in his head that motivates his actions. He may not have set out to get drunk. He turned to the thing that numbs his pain. I wouldn't want to be away from home for a month. He is mishandling his news. Alcohol answers some need for alcoholics, it numbs them. Maybe it's time for a job change. It's pretty hard not to drink when you are constantly in a different place with no family. I'm not making excuses for him but I have been away from home because of work and somehow "home" seems to go on without you. Being away is lonely. I eat comfort food. If I am away from home, I treat myself to comfort foods. People medicate themselves and he needs to address the real problem instead of being bogged down by the details of each drunk.

lillamy

Mallow, you know, I do love and appreciate your compassion. It's a thin line for me to walk right now, the line between compassion and codependency. But the truth is, I love and adore this man, and I can see that his thinking is muddled. Which is really, really sad.