Am I doing the right thing?
 

Hello!
Let me first start by saying that after reading through some of the threads, I know that I'm not alone! As korny as that may sound, I didn't realize how many of you are in the same boat as I am! Thanks, it has helped a lot!!!
Ok....where to start!!!
I have been married for just under a year. I went into this marriage knowing the man I was marrying was an alcoholic; I guess I just didn't realize just how hard the journey to recovery would be. My "A", (hey, I'm already learning the lingo!) has a family history of alcoholism and drug abuse. His father passed away when he was six from a heroin overdose. And his brother is an addict as well. So this disease is in his blood. He has been on and off the "wagon" as he puts it for about 6 months. My A is a binge drinker. He doesn’t drink everyday, but when he does, he goes overboard. He gets aggressive (not physically) and his personality changes dramatically. He has 2 DUI's and unfortunately has not learned his lesson. He has tried several attempts to quit on his own, only to wind up right back at square one. I believe he has never wanted to stop drinking for the right reasons, only to please me. And that lasts only so long. So here we are once again. He had his most recent binge this past weekend and all the same issues surfaced. The lying, the covering it up, the excuses. I lost it this time. I couldn't take it. I asked him to leave, and told him that he needed to figure things out on his own. I have been as supportive as I can. I stopped drinking to help support him, tried to get him into counseling, etc. I didn't know what else to do...
Since then (Sunday to be exact) he has gone and talked to several counselors, been going to AA meetings, and says he's REALLY going to do it this time. He's going to do it for himself, Etc, etc, etc. I WANT to believe him. I want him to come home. I miss him, but as so afraid that we'll wind up going down the same road we've gone down so many times. I don't know what to do. I haven't given up on our marriage, but this is my defense mechanism, to push him away. Am I doing the right thing?!?! Is throwing him out of the house the WRONG thing to do? He has hurt me deeply.
Your advice would be greatly appreciated!
:confused:

Honeybee

Welcome to the forums. If you read many of the threads here you will see that you are not alone, so many have been where you are. Leave or Stay - Kick him out or take him back - these issues come up time and time again, and only you can decide what is right for you. Just remember that they make promised that they cannot keep unless they get help.

If you haven't been to an Al-Anon meeting, I highly recommend it. You will learn to work your own program and get your balance back and be better prepared to make these big decisions.

You don't have to do anything right now. But maybe if you made a plan, for yourself and for what you would like to do, then even if you don't follow through on it, you have an escape net in place.

Others will be along that have been in your situation. I have only dealt with this with my son, who is an addict, but many here share a life with an alcoholic.

Make yourself comfortable, read the powerposts at the top of Al-anon and Nar-Anon and feel free to share as much as you want.

I think you have made it very
 

clear what you can live with and what you can't live with. That can be a very hard decision to make. I completely understand your fear that if he comes back, you will end up in the same bad circumstances again. I think that only time will tell. As that time goes by, continue to take care of yourself and to keep your needs in mind.
Peace,
Gabe

Honeybee,
I encourage you to trust yourself about your feeling about him not being ready to come home yet. If he is serious then he has all the time in the world to prove it to you. It is so hard for us to put ourselves first, but I encourage you to do so. My husband is still living at home and causing a lot of grief and trouble. It takes a lot of nerve for me to put him out of the house, even though that would be the best thing for me. My point is, if he is already living else where, then you don't have to fight this battle of getting him out of the house again, if he relapses. I pray for you, I am traveling your road, and the way is tough. We can make it to the other side. Huggs, Rose

I completely understand where you are! I too am trying to figure out what to do. I have come to the decision that I will not be here to help my husband unless he gets help. 2 days ago he came home beaten and bloody and actually checked himself into detox. He has never even expressed that he needs help before. Basically, he is a functioning drunk. No one, other than family, knows he has a problem.

Currently I am not allowed to speak with him more than once a day (by phone). But, will be meeting with him tomorrow. I am going to try to be strong and let him know that I will be here for him if he continues to get help.

I cannot continue to live walking on egg shells, hiding things, protecting my children from and angry drunk or angry dry drunk!

Be strong! Let him know that you love him and want to help but need to take care of yourself. You will be no good to anyone unless you take care of yourself. Try AlAnon. I have begun that route and it has been helping me.

NoDoubt