My AH is drunk at work - need your take
 

OMG, I just talked to my AH, who is on a major major bender right now, he's drunk at work (was probably yesterday also), slurring his words to me and thinking I don't notice (he's just tired, he says), and he calls to ask me if I heard from the gas station (I brought my car in this a.m.). My co-worker answered the phone and AH tells me he asked how her party was the other night (we were not invited) and kids with her "thanks for the invite". He is sooooo embarassing to me. How would you guys handle this with him calling me at work drunk? It's going to be another bad night (maybe even week).

I probably wouldn't do anything except possibly find somewhere else to go after work for a while, like meet up with a friend or find an al-anon meeting. As far as his being drunk at work, let him get into trouble on his own--sounds like it's not far off anyway.

Is there a way that you can reject his calls?

I would probably find another place to go too..... You know, a new outfit right now might be just the ticket.... then you could find a nice resort type hotel and spend the night there... get a massage and wear your new frock to work tommrow.

Let him fix the mess he is creating and keep the focus on you....

No, I mean, he will call my job slurring, say stuff to my co-workers, etc. That's sooo embarassing. Also, if I don't go straight home tonite, and wait till he's passed out, tomorrow he will call work or show up here drunk and do something stupid. I just get embarassed, and don't know how to handle it. My therapist said I should get a non-harass order that says he can't be intoxicated around me. I did get one of those, but it expired, and I really don't want to keep calling the police every time he is drunk as she suggested. It's too time consuming and aggrevating.

You know what. They say that we teach them how we want to be treated. I agree that calling the police is time consuming and aggrevating but if you were consistant with it there will come a time when he will stop the unacceptable behavior.

Get a restraining order and keep him from your work or get one of the non harrassment orders again.

I know its a pain in the bum... but so will be loosing your job not to mention the senerity you lose at this hands.

I would have to ask you, what is more time consuming and aggrevating, him calling you at work or coming showing up there and you feeling un easy and embarassed or getting another harassment order for when he's drunk?
How did that work out the last time you got one of those? And why did you let it expire?
I would agree with your therapist, but you have to out weight which means more to you, keeping your job and not feeling embarrased by him calling or continue to allow him to do this to you because the other choice is more aggrevating.

Take care of yourself
 

'Change is what happens when the pain of holding on becomes greater than the fear of letting go'--I strongly suggest that you begin attending Alanon and deal directly with your own co-dependency issues. I had to do that to separate my needs from what I felt were my responsibilites. We have to get sick and tired of fear and guilt and get away and take care of ourselves.

I'm new to this forum and apparently hit the wrong button.! My suggestion is in post #7 for Queenteree. I've been there and I'm feeling free from all that kind of negative, emotionally destructive feeling (fear/anxiety) because I left and got a divorce...and I never want to be drawn into 'taking care of someone else' at my expense ever again. It is soooo freeing and takes up enough time to look after yourself.

You know, it's not the first time I've heard he's not far off from getting into trouble from drinking (ie, a DWI, getting fired, etc.), but you know what, he has all the luck in the world and I don't foresee it ever happening to him. I pray everyday for him to get something like that, and it never ever works. It's very depressing. Even when he couldn't swallow meat and had to get an endoscopy, I was hoping the GI dr. would tell him somethings wrong from drinking, what happens - it's inflammed possibly due to drinking too much alcohol or from GERD. What does stupid AH do, say it's from GERD and takes Nexium so he can drink more. Nothing ever happens to him - WHY??????

An entire post about him - what do you foresee happening for you? Plenty is happening to him, but it's not working out the way you want. You can take control of your life. It isn't easy, but it can be done. Take care.

How about praying for yourself? Or praying for God's will to be done?

I agree with Denny. A whole post about him. Him getting sober isn't going to solve all of your problems. Time to focus on you.

I guess I just really want him to suffer like he's made me suffer. I'm not passed that yet since I'm still living with him and learning the tools. I'm sure I'll feel different once I remove myself from the situation. I'm trying to focus on me, but it's hard when you live with an A, as you all well know.

I don't agree, though I did leave my marriage. I have many friends who stay, as do many here. I started changing my thinking a year before I told AH to not come back.

This is similar to an alcoholic geographic - that things will be better "over there." Change comes from within.

Good luck and take care of yourself.

Maybe you will, maybe you won't.

I stayed and I worked on me. I figured that 1) I needed to have some stability/sanity before I could make a major decision like seperation and 2) I was definetely part of the "problem" by the way I was treating my husband, talking to him, carrying on, etc. I focused on me and getting myself... and much to my surprise, things got better.

More importantly, when I stopped telling my husband what to do, he was able to figure things out on his own. I learned how to treat him like an adult and let him be responsible for his actions/choices.