""Now A "Dry Drunk"""
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Small Town USA
Posts: 2
""Now A "Dry Drunk"""
Well, Well, Well ----
I have been reading all your postings - they have been very helpful.
I’m finally sick & tired of being a doormat, victim, whipping child, wining & crying, complaining to family - friends. I’m finally sick & tired of all my medical problems and trying to find solutions (I was trying to find solutions for myself & AH). I had to get out of the rot I was in and "Duh" - the light finally came on for me. We make our own life and how we want to live - when we come to realize this it seems everything starts to fall into place.
What we spouses of alcoholics must deal with: second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour - well everyone here gets the point.
(1969) 1st it’s the active drunk, with all the abuse that goes with it and we stay. “Things will get better soon - he will come to his senses soon” after all we are a family with a child.
(1993) He goes inpatient for 6 weeks (he does not want our new granddaughter to have a alcoholic grandfather), he does not continue with aftercare, counseling or AA.
(2005) I discover he’s drinking again and I leave him. Oh by the way spouses your own apartment is heaven sent !!!!!!!!!!
(2006) Now AH stopped drinking - about 2-3 month ago (I was still willing to work on our marriage). AH won’t go to AA (he does not want to listen to all the SAD stories & besides everyone knows everyone there continues to drink) or counseling (he does not need it - he has his drinking whipped now (again) and you don‘t wash your dirty laundry in public).
Per AH = so now when are you coming back home, and you know our families are mad at you for leaving me.
Now I’m told my AH is a “Dry Drunk” What the hell, what’s the next stage - is there something else after drunk & dry drunk - come on tell me don't let me be surprized later. He has all the same behaviors, attitude, mood swings but without the alcohol. What the hell - does he really believe (after 38 years of marriage) I’m going to continue with this kind of life, go through life waiting for the next relapse, watch him for signs of relapse.
So now he’s mad at me again because I did not pack up everything and move home - this must be number 1 trillion and 1 by now, so what --AH go ahead & be mad.
I need some suggestions for books/cd’s/tapes. Anything on married to an alcoholic, co-dependence or any other materials you recommend.
There is LIFE after one works through the 5 stages of grief - believe me: Been There - Done That!!!!!
Don’t sit around being your Alcoholic Spouses Victim, you only victimizing your self again. There is wonderful individual counselors/support groups out there for you & only you - take advantage of their knowledge & experience.
I'm now WELL and getting BETTER
I really appreciate you time.
I have been reading all your postings - they have been very helpful.
I’m finally sick & tired of being a doormat, victim, whipping child, wining & crying, complaining to family - friends. I’m finally sick & tired of all my medical problems and trying to find solutions (I was trying to find solutions for myself & AH). I had to get out of the rot I was in and "Duh" - the light finally came on for me. We make our own life and how we want to live - when we come to realize this it seems everything starts to fall into place.
What we spouses of alcoholics must deal with: second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour - well everyone here gets the point.
(1969) 1st it’s the active drunk, with all the abuse that goes with it and we stay. “Things will get better soon - he will come to his senses soon” after all we are a family with a child.
(1993) He goes inpatient for 6 weeks (he does not want our new granddaughter to have a alcoholic grandfather), he does not continue with aftercare, counseling or AA.
(2005) I discover he’s drinking again and I leave him. Oh by the way spouses your own apartment is heaven sent !!!!!!!!!!
(2006) Now AH stopped drinking - about 2-3 month ago (I was still willing to work on our marriage). AH won’t go to AA (he does not want to listen to all the SAD stories & besides everyone knows everyone there continues to drink) or counseling (he does not need it - he has his drinking whipped now (again) and you don‘t wash your dirty laundry in public).
Per AH = so now when are you coming back home, and you know our families are mad at you for leaving me.
Now I’m told my AH is a “Dry Drunk” What the hell, what’s the next stage - is there something else after drunk & dry drunk - come on tell me don't let me be surprized later. He has all the same behaviors, attitude, mood swings but without the alcohol. What the hell - does he really believe (after 38 years of marriage) I’m going to continue with this kind of life, go through life waiting for the next relapse, watch him for signs of relapse.
So now he’s mad at me again because I did not pack up everything and move home - this must be number 1 trillion and 1 by now, so what --AH go ahead & be mad.
I need some suggestions for books/cd’s/tapes. Anything on married to an alcoholic, co-dependence or any other materials you recommend.
There is LIFE after one works through the 5 stages of grief - believe me: Been There - Done That!!!!!
Don’t sit around being your Alcoholic Spouses Victim, you only victimizing your self again. There is wonderful individual counselors/support groups out there for you & only you - take advantage of their knowledge & experience.
I'm now WELL and getting BETTER
I really appreciate you time.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((MadeMychoice)))) Welcome to Sober Recovery!!
There are some good Alanon speaker tapes I've listened to... if you can't find them here on SR, try googling "Alanon Speaker Tape". I get the ones on CD and listen to them in my car. These reinforce my Alanon meetings and literature and help me understand why *I* need recovery for ME.
I wish you the best.
There are some good Alanon speaker tapes I've listened to... if you can't find them here on SR, try googling "Alanon Speaker Tape". I get the ones on CD and listen to them in my car. These reinforce my Alanon meetings and literature and help me understand why *I* need recovery for ME.
I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Welcome to SR MadeMyChoice
The pain of living with an alcoholic can be unbearable at times and pretty bad the rest of the time.
A question to think about: If this man didn't drink for the rest of his life, is he someone you'd want to be with? What do you want for your life?
Please keep posting - so glad you are here.
The pain of living with an alcoholic can be unbearable at times and pretty bad the rest of the time.
A question to think about: If this man didn't drink for the rest of his life, is he someone you'd want to be with? What do you want for your life?
Please keep posting - so glad you are here.
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
Thanks Mademychoice. Your post was an inspiration to me because just last night I was up till 2 a.m. thinking about leaving or staying and how I can still help out my daughter if I did leave. I can see myself following the same footsteps, and while I feel I have learned tools needed to stay with him, do I really want to stay with him and live my life like this for the next 20 years or so (if he lasts that long). I'm young yet, and have alot of life left, do I really want to live lonely, depressed, etc. My AH was sober for over 14 years (he stopped before we married and relapsed a few years ago, been getting worse since). I never even thought he would relapse when we married. Knowing what I know now, I would have never married him. Seeing how you lived your life, I want to be free, free to come home and relax after a hard day's work, not to deal with a drunk every night. And you know what, I was thinking last night, I truly don't trust him or love him anymore, even if he were to get sober. It's gone, and it's such a shame because we did, at one time, truly love each other. He was my whole world, and I never thought for a minute that I could ever feel this way. But after all the drinking, lies, being undependable, I've lost all love and respect for him. Sad, isn't it.
Welcome. I am so sorry for what you are going thru right now. Please keep coming back to this site, read , post, begin to heal.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by BigSis
(((MadeMychoice)))) Welcome to Sober Recovery!!
There are some good Alanon speaker tapes I've listened to... if you can't find them here on SR, try googling "Alanon Speaker Tape". I get the ones on CD and listen to them in my car. These reinforce my Alanon meetings and literature and help me understand why *I* need recovery for ME.
I wish you the best.
There are some good Alanon speaker tapes I've listened to... if you can't find them here on SR, try googling "Alanon Speaker Tape". I get the ones on CD and listen to them in my car. These reinforce my Alanon meetings and literature and help me understand why *I* need recovery for ME.
I wish you the best.
Here are a few (free!) online to start: http://www.xa-speakers.org/
also try http://www.elmoware.com
Good luck and thanks for the post....except for the "dry" chapter,I can relate! (my (recently ex)AH is still active and never stopped...just "cut back" for a few spells...)
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
