She's drinking again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 62
She's drinking again
Moms drinking again. My dads really upset and freaking out, not helping the situation at all.
When i walked in the door today after school. i could just tell she had been drinking. I played along with it and told her about my day then she talked about hers. To make a long story short. She was in her room like 10 mins later sitting on the ground. My rooms right across from hers and so i asked her what she was doing. Ha another lie of course. But it started really bugging me cause i didnt know if i was just being an idiot or if she really was drinking again.
I found the bottle and shes like, "why do u do this to me?" i threw the bottle down, went in my room and cried. Im such an IDIOT. I actually thought she would do it this time. This would be the last time. NOPE. Im done believing she will ever change. I mean she was sober for 16 days. Home for almost 2. couldnt take it i guess. Believe it or not im crying right now. I feel like.... i dunno. everything just feels numb. I know this will affect how i eat now too. IM DONE. i give up. Life will NEVER get better for ME.
Sorry i gave up so easily. sorry
Take Care
Ash
When i walked in the door today after school. i could just tell she had been drinking. I played along with it and told her about my day then she talked about hers. To make a long story short. She was in her room like 10 mins later sitting on the ground. My rooms right across from hers and so i asked her what she was doing. Ha another lie of course. But it started really bugging me cause i didnt know if i was just being an idiot or if she really was drinking again.
I found the bottle and shes like, "why do u do this to me?" i threw the bottle down, went in my room and cried. Im such an IDIOT. I actually thought she would do it this time. This would be the last time. NOPE. Im done believing she will ever change. I mean she was sober for 16 days. Home for almost 2. couldnt take it i guess. Believe it or not im crying right now. I feel like.... i dunno. everything just feels numb. I know this will affect how i eat now too. IM DONE. i give up. Life will NEVER get better for ME.
Sorry i gave up so easily. sorry
Take Care
Ash
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Ash -- I went through this same thing with my mother. It took a long time but she did finally quit. The alcohol turned her into a big, stupid, liar .......... once I realized I couldn't change her I felt a little better. I had to take care of me. It's really hard to do when all you really want to do is swoop her up in your arms and save her or try to "knock" some sense into her ......but she's got to get it on her own.
I personally didn't care for it (I'll admit I only went once), but have you gone to any Alanon meetings? There are lots of people here that will tell you that those meetings saved them. It's so hard to deal with. It doesn't make sense and it's scary as hell.
I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time right now. It brings up emotions for me that I haven't thought of in a while. It will get better......even if you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, It will get better.
Check out some alanon meetings in your area.
big hugs,
doll
I personally didn't care for it (I'll admit I only went once), but have you gone to any Alanon meetings? There are lots of people here that will tell you that those meetings saved them. It's so hard to deal with. It doesn't make sense and it's scary as hell.
I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time right now. It brings up emotions for me that I haven't thought of in a while. It will get better......even if you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, It will get better.
Check out some alanon meetings in your area.
big hugs,
doll
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Missouri
Posts: 261
I was at that point to at one point. Such disapointment!!! I remember the first night that I found my xbf wasted after rehab and almost 45 day sobriety. I thought he was cured. I remember my world just close in all around me and I remember just sobbing!!! We had been doing so wonderful and our relationship was gettin back to normal and we were going to get married, have children and live happily ever after and then in one split second that was all wiped away. I know that it is a little different because it is your mom but trust me when I tell you that I understand the pain you are feeling.
Please don't give up hope. Just concentrate on you and try to remember that it is not the end of the world!!!!
Please don't give up hope. Just concentrate on you and try to remember that it is not the end of the world!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
(((ash)))
It isn't easy, but you can take care of yourself, you really can. Listen to the people here who have gone through it with their mom and dad, too.
I reached a point where I gave up too. Shortly after that I started attending Al-Anon meetings regularly and life started to change. I hope you can get yourself to those Alateen meetings, whether your dad goes to his meetings or not.
Keep coming here to talk - we all care very much what happens - and we're here to support you through this really hard time.
Be kind to yourself, Ashley, you're worth it.
It isn't easy, but you can take care of yourself, you really can. Listen to the people here who have gone through it with their mom and dad, too.
I reached a point where I gave up too. Shortly after that I started attending Al-Anon meetings regularly and life started to change. I hope you can get yourself to those Alateen meetings, whether your dad goes to his meetings or not.
Keep coming here to talk - we all care very much what happens - and we're here to support you through this really hard time.
Be kind to yourself, Ashley, you're worth it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Bronx, NY
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by Hurting Inside
I feel like.... i dunno. everything just feels numb. I know this will affect how i eat now too. IM DONE. i give up. Life will NEVER get better for ME.
Sorry i gave up so easily. sorry
Sorry i gave up so easily. sorry
Didn't you go to some Alateen meetings recently and get something out of it? Don't forget the lessons about detachment and keeping the focus on you. I can't imagine what it's like to go through this in a mother-daughter relationship. But there's a difference between having expectations and being hopeful. You can hold out hope for your mom while still not letting it completely destroy you when things don't work out the way you- and all of us- wish it would. There's no telling how long this will go on, but in the meantime you need to try and focus on ways to take care of you. With that said...
When you say this will affect your eating, I'm not sure what you mean but I'm assuming an eating disorder is involved? If you're aware that there is a problem and will acknowledge it, that's a great and important first step. I can't offer any firsthand or professional advice here, but please look inside and see whether you hurt yourself or take part in self-destructive behaviors when life gets hairy. This wouldn't be uncommon, but it should be addressed, whether in Alateen or maybe with a therapist or counselor who specializes in addiction or eating disorders, maybe you could even start with the counselor at your school.... You're still so young and you sound smart and open-minded enough to try new, healthier ways of dealing.
Again, I may be off base and if so I'm sorry! But I do feel for you and wish you the best as you deal with the situation with your mom. Life sure ain't fair and some have it tougher than others in this world. But you're only 16 and your life can and WILL get better-- the good news is that that part's entirely up to you! The universe has a lot in store for you, ready for you to come and get it. No one can take that away. Take good care of yourself, ok?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lost in NC
Posts: 416
((((Ashely))))
I'm so sorry! But like everyone has said, its not your fault. Its a hard addiction to break. Its O.K. to be sad, angry, scared and disappointed. But your life will get better, you are just having to grow up faster and deal with things that none of us want to deal with or experience. Take care of yourself and your father.
God has a plan....its just sometimes so hard to see or understand.
I'm so sorry! But like everyone has said, its not your fault. Its a hard addiction to break. Its O.K. to be sad, angry, scared and disappointed. But your life will get better, you are just having to grow up faster and deal with things that none of us want to deal with or experience. Take care of yourself and your father.
God has a plan....its just sometimes so hard to see or understand.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Dear Ashley
Here's a big hug for you
I am so sorry you are feeling all the painful feelings you do right now, and I do understand. I went through this with both of my parents.
I wish I'd known about Alateen or that there had been an SR back then (in ancient history!!) so I would have known I was not alone.
YOU are NOT alone. There are literally thousands of us reading, some are sharing, some are not writing at this timne, but we are all caring about you and your family right now.
Keep posting when you need to. Its a sign of strength to reach out!
Here's a big hug for you
I am so sorry you are feeling all the painful feelings you do right now, and I do understand. I went through this with both of my parents.
I wish I'd known about Alateen or that there had been an SR back then (in ancient history!!) so I would have known I was not alone.
YOU are NOT alone. There are literally thousands of us reading, some are sharing, some are not writing at this timne, but we are all caring about you and your family right now.
Keep posting when you need to. Its a sign of strength to reach out!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
Ashely, saying I'm sorry seems like such a cop out. It seems so inadequate, but I am so sorry. This isn't over. Your mom came home and started drinking. This is devastating but it indicates that she needs to be someplace other than home. I hope you'll talk to your dad and your councelor. This isn't your failure. Ashley, there is nothing wrong with having limits. There is absolutely nothing you could do to make your mom drink more or less. Please keep coming here and telling us whats going on. Many of us had parents who drank. I hope that the discovery that your mom is drinking again leads to her going back into detox or rehab.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 62
My dad stayed home today. He helped her out. She drank yesterday cause she forgot to take her meds. Last night was just like all the other nights in the past. Dad takes her car keys, money, bank card. and hides them. She was so desperate last night that she was gonna walk to the store to get a bottle. We live in the country so its like a 6 mile walk. not far but when its freezing cold out. My dad threw out the alcohol she had left, while she was passed out on the floor and filled it with water. I learned from past experiences to not do that. But he thought she wouldnt even know the difference. So my mom has not drank since last night. and shes attending her meetings again. I guess it was just a releapse(sp?).
Im happier now that shes not like she was last night. I thought it was just gonna go back to olden days. But i cant say it wont happen again. I was just angry last night and hurt. I'm still eating normally. Hasnt changed. Her drinking doesnt get to me, i just think it does and i get scared. Hard to explain. Just wanted to let everyone know, everything at this point is going good. Thanx for all the comforting posts when i needed them the most.
Hugs for ALL
Ashley
Im happier now that shes not like she was last night. I thought it was just gonna go back to olden days. But i cant say it wont happen again. I was just angry last night and hurt. I'm still eating normally. Hasnt changed. Her drinking doesnt get to me, i just think it does and i get scared. Hard to explain. Just wanted to let everyone know, everything at this point is going good. Thanx for all the comforting posts when i needed them the most.
Hugs for ALL
Ashley
Royalty
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 366
I think of my kids when I read your story Ashley. Even though it's their step-dad that is the A, it must be effecting them also. I think it's so sad that when you're sixteen and should be hanging out in chat rooms instead of here. (but really glad that you have found this place too) I am sorry that your mother is doing this to you. It's not your fault.
The best help came to me when I decided that it was AH's problem, not mine. It was such a relief. I also explained to my kids that it was his problem, not theirs. I tried to help them with how not to react to everything, which is really really difficult.
Is there anything that you can do for yourself now? Do you have your license yet? Try out for sports? Student Council? Or are you already in some activities? It is my understanding that the co-dependant one (your Dad in this case) might not feel like participating in very much. Not letting you have friends over, not wanting to take you places, that kind of thing. That's the part of the disease that effects those of us around the A. It sucks the life out of us, till we have no energy to want to do anything. It's very important right now, for you and your Dad to take care of yourselves first. If your mom wants to sit home and drink, then let her. You and your Dad can catch a movie and dinner in that time that is being wasted by trying to stop her.
If you want my daughter's email, I would be glad to give it to you. She is almost your age, and dealing with alot of the same issues.
Keep posting.
The best help came to me when I decided that it was AH's problem, not mine. It was such a relief. I also explained to my kids that it was his problem, not theirs. I tried to help them with how not to react to everything, which is really really difficult.
Is there anything that you can do for yourself now? Do you have your license yet? Try out for sports? Student Council? Or are you already in some activities? It is my understanding that the co-dependant one (your Dad in this case) might not feel like participating in very much. Not letting you have friends over, not wanting to take you places, that kind of thing. That's the part of the disease that effects those of us around the A. It sucks the life out of us, till we have no energy to want to do anything. It's very important right now, for you and your Dad to take care of yourselves first. If your mom wants to sit home and drink, then let her. You and your Dad can catch a movie and dinner in that time that is being wasted by trying to stop her.
If you want my daughter's email, I would be glad to give it to you. She is almost your age, and dealing with alot of the same issues.
Keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
ashley - glad to hear from you and that things are better today. i'm also glad you are eating normal. keep taking care of yourself and getting out all your feelings. your mom's drinking or not is is her hands and God's hands only - not you, your Dad or anyone elses.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 62
Things were not good tonight... she drank again today. I gave up on her a long time ago and i really don't care anymore. I mean i do but i dont let it drain me out. She couldnt even stand up hardly, sometimes i even had to catch her before she fell. I mean it was bad tonight. i dont think she is gonna be able to pick herslef back up. My dad is running out of hope. Last night he got really angry. I dont even think it bothers her knowing my dad is so close to leaving her. He moved all his things to the downstairs bedroom.
As for me, I didn't go to a counsler but i did talk to my friend today. The one i got in a fight with for making that stupid joke about AA. Yeah well i couldnt get many feelings to surface but one that i told her is that i feel abondoned from my mom. Like i feel as if i have never really had a mom. At least not one i can trust and talk about things that are bothering me. Cause i always believed it might cause her to drink more. I dont know it just hurts when my friends talk about how they love their moms and what fun they have on the weekend and i just sit there. i just want a mom, period. I know im not doing myslef anygood wishing for things that might not even come true. I dont set my mind on having a sober mom. I mean atleast she was sober for 16 days. I had a mom then, but now shes just another person who causes pain. Whenever i go to the store and see a mom holding her kid. I almost start crying. I guess asking for a mom might be a little bit too much to ask for.
In another of my posts, I talked about my real dad. She was drinking before he committed suicide. I dont know if thats why he did it but i felt like i needed to clear that up. I asked my mom today if that is why she drank and she said no. If shes lying? i dont know...
Take Care,
Ashley
As for me, I didn't go to a counsler but i did talk to my friend today. The one i got in a fight with for making that stupid joke about AA. Yeah well i couldnt get many feelings to surface but one that i told her is that i feel abondoned from my mom. Like i feel as if i have never really had a mom. At least not one i can trust and talk about things that are bothering me. Cause i always believed it might cause her to drink more. I dont know it just hurts when my friends talk about how they love their moms and what fun they have on the weekend and i just sit there. i just want a mom, period. I know im not doing myslef anygood wishing for things that might not even come true. I dont set my mind on having a sober mom. I mean atleast she was sober for 16 days. I had a mom then, but now shes just another person who causes pain. Whenever i go to the store and see a mom holding her kid. I almost start crying. I guess asking for a mom might be a little bit too much to ask for.
In another of my posts, I talked about my real dad. She was drinking before he committed suicide. I dont know if thats why he did it but i felt like i needed to clear that up. I asked my mom today if that is why she drank and she said no. If shes lying? i dont know...
Take Care,
Ashley
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