not happy right now
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 62
not happy right now
I went to visit my mom today, with my dad. My grandma and 2 other family members were down there too. We arrived alittle late. When we got there, i sat down and i felt like they didnt even realize i was there. My dad felt the same way. My mom was just talking to my grandma(her mom), my grandmas sister and my moms aunt. They were talking to me about how great it is gonna be to see my mom sober. They really started to **** me off. Yeah it will be great but they were acting like after shes out of inpatient thats it. I hate how they dont know what she was like when she was drunk. I dont know, its hard to explain. Right now im really mad at the world.
Anyways when my grandma and the other family members left, my mom spent like 10 mins saying good bye. I thought well okay i understand that, she hasnt seen them in awhile. But when she came back, he wouldnt talk. My dad asked her a question and she started getting snotty at him. He got up and came out to me(i was reading something) and he says we are leaving. I said okay and got myslef and left. my dad was infront of me and my mom was behind me and so i said goodbye to my mom and my dad kept walking and when we were out of the door she just left.
GOD she didnt even care we were leaving like 30 mins early. It really doesnt bother me that she didnt care, cause im used to it already. But jesus i mean i felt like a second wheel. Heck, when my grandma and them were there she acts totally different but when its us its like get the hell away from me. I wish they knew the real her and not the part shes playing towards them. Im so frusturated. My dad asked me about how i felt and i couldnt tell him anything.
I just cant stand telling people how i feel or what im thinking. I hate it. i want to tell him but its so hard for me to do it. I seriously feel like no one cares about what im feeling and that telling them will only bore them. I hate the feeling that no one cares, cause i know people do. But for some reason my brain and heart feels numb, when it comes to expressing my feelings. Its easy to say online what im feeling cause its coming from my thoughts. But saying it it just different, i seriously dont kno how to explain it. once again no alateen meeting tonight..just so exhusted and i dont feel like being around other people when im in this mood.
Im done typing. srry its sooo long.
Take Care Everyone,
Ash
Anyways when my grandma and the other family members left, my mom spent like 10 mins saying good bye. I thought well okay i understand that, she hasnt seen them in awhile. But when she came back, he wouldnt talk. My dad asked her a question and she started getting snotty at him. He got up and came out to me(i was reading something) and he says we are leaving. I said okay and got myslef and left. my dad was infront of me and my mom was behind me and so i said goodbye to my mom and my dad kept walking and when we were out of the door she just left.
GOD she didnt even care we were leaving like 30 mins early. It really doesnt bother me that she didnt care, cause im used to it already. But jesus i mean i felt like a second wheel. Heck, when my grandma and them were there she acts totally different but when its us its like get the hell away from me. I wish they knew the real her and not the part shes playing towards them. Im so frusturated. My dad asked me about how i felt and i couldnt tell him anything.
I just cant stand telling people how i feel or what im thinking. I hate it. i want to tell him but its so hard for me to do it. I seriously feel like no one cares about what im feeling and that telling them will only bore them. I hate the feeling that no one cares, cause i know people do. But for some reason my brain and heart feels numb, when it comes to expressing my feelings. Its easy to say online what im feeling cause its coming from my thoughts. But saying it it just different, i seriously dont kno how to explain it. once again no alateen meeting tonight..just so exhusted and i dont feel like being around other people when im in this mood.
Im done typing. srry its sooo long.
Take Care Everyone,
Ash
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
((((ash))))
keep coming here and typing and venting. it will help.
you know what? when i am tired and don't feel like being around people in a mood, i know that's when i belong at a meeting. i promise if you go you will feel better having done it. it's hard to believe because you haven't done it too much yet, but i swear it is true.
people who don't live with alcoholism can mean well but it is true, they do not understand.
you take good care of yourself. keep learning what you can about alcoholism. it helped me learn to be angry at the addiction, but not the person.
are you eating well?
keep coming here and typing and venting. it will help.
you know what? when i am tired and don't feel like being around people in a mood, i know that's when i belong at a meeting. i promise if you go you will feel better having done it. it's hard to believe because you haven't done it too much yet, but i swear it is true.
people who don't live with alcoholism can mean well but it is true, they do not understand.
you take good care of yourself. keep learning what you can about alcoholism. it helped me learn to be angry at the addiction, but not the person.
are you eating well?
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Ash, I can't speak for other people but I can tell you a few things that apply to myself and my AH.
AH and I have known each other since we were kids. We were 6 years old when we met.
A few years ago, AH and I were talking and I commented to him that I didn't understand why I always got the bad side of him. Everyone else (his coworkers, his friends, family, etc) all got the good side of him. I explained to him how he treats me worse than anyone else and I was supposed to be his wife!!!!! He thought about it for a bit and then said that he thought it was probably because we'd known each so long and he was so comfortable with me that he was relaxed with me. He was showing me his real self!
(Possibly your mom doesn't feel she has to put on a show with you and your dad because you already know the real her? Just a thought)
You mentioned that you are really angry - angry at the whole world. You don't like to talk about things. And you didn't go to your Alateen meeting because you weren't in the mood.
I think that it's normal to be angry like you are. I also understand that you have a hard time talking about things. But I'm thinking maybe the Alateen meeting would have been a good idea in the mood you were in. Sometimes it takes doing things we don't want to do in order to get what we need. Do you know what I mean? Kind of like I may not want to go out with friends cuz I'm in a depressed mood, but getting out there and having a good time gives me the chance to de-stress and recharge myself. It's exactly what I needed, even though I really didn't want to go.
Anyways Ash, I really hope that you find someone to talk too. Stuffing your feelings and not being able to talk about them isn't always a good thing. You'll wake up one day and find that you're full of resentments. And that is something I don't think you want to really do.
((((Ash)))
AH and I have known each other since we were kids. We were 6 years old when we met.
A few years ago, AH and I were talking and I commented to him that I didn't understand why I always got the bad side of him. Everyone else (his coworkers, his friends, family, etc) all got the good side of him. I explained to him how he treats me worse than anyone else and I was supposed to be his wife!!!!! He thought about it for a bit and then said that he thought it was probably because we'd known each so long and he was so comfortable with me that he was relaxed with me. He was showing me his real self!
(Possibly your mom doesn't feel she has to put on a show with you and your dad because you already know the real her? Just a thought)
You mentioned that you are really angry - angry at the whole world. You don't like to talk about things. And you didn't go to your Alateen meeting because you weren't in the mood.
I think that it's normal to be angry like you are. I also understand that you have a hard time talking about things. But I'm thinking maybe the Alateen meeting would have been a good idea in the mood you were in. Sometimes it takes doing things we don't want to do in order to get what we need. Do you know what I mean? Kind of like I may not want to go out with friends cuz I'm in a depressed mood, but getting out there and having a good time gives me the chance to de-stress and recharge myself. It's exactly what I needed, even though I really didn't want to go.
Anyways Ash, I really hope that you find someone to talk too. Stuffing your feelings and not being able to talk about them isn't always a good thing. You'll wake up one day and find that you're full of resentments. And that is something I don't think you want to really do.
((((Ash)))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by Hurting Inside
Anyways when my grandma and the other family members left, my mom spent like 10 mins saying good bye. I thought well okay i understand that, she hasnt seen them in awhile. But when she came back, he wouldnt talk. My dad asked her a question and she started getting snotty at him. He got up and came out to me(i was reading something) and he says we are leaving. I said okay and got myslef and left. my dad was infront of me and my mom was behind me and so i said goodbye to my mom and my dad kept walking and when we were out of the door she just left.
GOD she didnt even care we were leaving like 30 mins early. It really doesnt bother me that she didnt care, cause im used to it already. But jesus i mean i felt like a second wheel. Heck, when my grandma and them were there she acts totally different but when its us its like get the hell away from me. I wish they knew the real her and not the part shes playing towards them. Im so frusturated. My dad asked me about how i felt and i couldnt tell him anything.
I just cant stand telling people how i feel or what im thinking. I hate it. i want to tell him but its so hard for me to do it. I seriously feel like no one cares about what im feeling and that telling them will only bore them. I hate the feeling that no one cares, cause i know people do. But for some reason my brain and heart feels numb, when it comes to expressing my feelings. Its easy to say online what im feeling cause its coming from my thoughts. But saying it it just different, i seriously dont kno how to explain it. once again no alateen meeting tonight..just so exhusted and i dont feel like being around other people when im in this mood.
GOD she didnt even care we were leaving like 30 mins early. It really doesnt bother me that she didnt care, cause im used to it already. But jesus i mean i felt like a second wheel. Heck, when my grandma and them were there she acts totally different but when its us its like get the hell away from me. I wish they knew the real her and not the part shes playing towards them. Im so frusturated. My dad asked me about how i felt and i couldnt tell him anything.
I just cant stand telling people how i feel or what im thinking. I hate it. i want to tell him but its so hard for me to do it. I seriously feel like no one cares about what im feeling and that telling them will only bore them. I hate the feeling that no one cares, cause i know people do. But for some reason my brain and heart feels numb, when it comes to expressing my feelings. Its easy to say online what im feeling cause its coming from my thoughts. But saying it it just different, i seriously dont kno how to explain it. once again no alateen meeting tonight..just so exhusted and i dont feel like being around other people when im in this mood.
Hi, Ashley...........WOW! I understand EXACTLY what you are talking about....it urkes me so much. My exAH is a master of this same behavior. He puts on the biggest show for people...and they buy it all! It used to get me so angry; now I try to walk away,ignore it,etc. Right now he is being nicer to me (for his own reasons,I am sure), and saves alot of this for our 24yr old son (goes the opposite to our daughter and that creeps her out,too.like she is about 8yr).
Sorry you are going throught this..all part of the alcoholism,as you know. Glad you have gotten to your own meetings and can vent about it here,too. Until your own mom can get healthier, here is a hug from another mom who wants you to know that we are all thinking about you and praying for you and your family.
p.s. I think you voiced it very well. And for the record,I feel that same way,too some days. I think it is pretty understandable.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
((ash)) - we care ok? yeah - i've had some times when i haven't really felt like going to a meeting or to my counseling session but those are usually the times i've needed them the most.
your mom probably spent more time with your grandparents because they DON"T know the "real" her. her shame with you and your dad probably comes out as anger or indifference.
hang in there and keep going to your meetings.
add another hug from me too!
your mom probably spent more time with your grandparents because they DON"T know the "real" her. her shame with you and your dad probably comes out as anger or indifference.
hang in there and keep going to your meetings.
add another hug from me too!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 62
Originally Posted by denny57
are you eating well?
Originally Posted by cwohio
((ash)) - we care ok? yeah - i've had some times when i haven't really felt like going to a meeting or to my counseling session but those are usually the times i've needed them the most.
Originally Posted by Pick-a-name
here is a hug from another mom who wants you to know that we are all thinking about you and praying for you and your family.
p.s. I think you voiced it very well. And for the record,I feel that same way,too some days. I think it is pretty understandable.
p.s. I think you voiced it very well. And for the record,I feel that same way,too some days. I think it is pretty understandable.
Originally Posted by StandingStrong
A few years ago, AH and I were talking and I commented to him that I didn't understand why I always got the bad side of him. Everyone else (his coworkers, his friends, family, etc) all got the good side of him. I explained to him how he treats me worse than anyone else and I was supposed to be his wife!!!!! He thought about it for a bit and then said that he thought it was probably because we'd known each so long and he was so comfortable with me that he was relaxed with me. He was showing me his real self!
(Possibly your mom doesn't feel she has to put on a show with you and your dad because you already know the real her? Just a thought)
You mentioned that you are really angry - angry at the whole world. You don't like to talk about things. And you didn't go to your Alateen meeting because you weren't in the mood.
I think that it's normal to be angry like you are. I also understand that you have a hard time talking about things. But I'm thinking maybe the Alateen meeting would have been a good idea in the mood you were in. Sometimes it takes doing things we don't want to do in order to get what we need. Do you know what I mean? Kind of like I may not want to go out with friends cuz I'm in a depressed mood, but getting out there and having a good time gives me the chance to de-stress and recharge myself. It's exactly what I needed, even though I really didn't want to go.
Anyways Ash, I really hope that you find someone to talk too. Stuffing your feelings and not being able to talk about them isn't always a good thing. You'll wake up one day and find that you're full of resentments. And that is something I don't think you want to really do.
((((Ash)))
(Possibly your mom doesn't feel she has to put on a show with you and your dad because you already know the real her? Just a thought)
You mentioned that you are really angry - angry at the whole world. You don't like to talk about things. And you didn't go to your Alateen meeting because you weren't in the mood.
I think that it's normal to be angry like you are. I also understand that you have a hard time talking about things. But I'm thinking maybe the Alateen meeting would have been a good idea in the mood you were in. Sometimes it takes doing things we don't want to do in order to get what we need. Do you know what I mean? Kind of like I may not want to go out with friends cuz I'm in a depressed mood, but getting out there and having a good time gives me the chance to de-stress and recharge myself. It's exactly what I needed, even though I really didn't want to go.
Anyways Ash, I really hope that you find someone to talk too. Stuffing your feelings and not being able to talk about them isn't always a good thing. You'll wake up one day and find that you're full of resentments. And that is something I don't think you want to really do.
((((Ash)))
Thank you so much for everything you guys. Posting that and reading your posts really did help alot. My mom called tonight and we all worked everything out but im still angry and frusterated. I guess thats a normal feeling to have.
Just thank you a bunch and heres a hug to all of you
Take Care
Ash
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
sounds good, ash. glad you talked to your mom
don't know if you heard this slogan in your alateen meeting: HALT
am i Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired? if so, i need to HALT and take care of myself. Get something to eat, let go if I am angry. Lonely, use my phone list, call a friend and tired....take a break or better yet a nap! it works.
don't know if you heard this slogan in your alateen meeting: HALT
am i Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired? if so, i need to HALT and take care of myself. Get something to eat, let go if I am angry. Lonely, use my phone list, call a friend and tired....take a break or better yet a nap! it works.
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