Too risky to return to Restaurant job?

Old 10-14-2006, 07:47 AM
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Too risky to return to Restaurant job?

My son was arrested for his second DUI. He is currently waiting for his sentence. In the meantime alot has happened. He has admitted he has a drinking problem and wants to stop. He has stayed with us since the incident but did go back to college. He told his asst. dean and professors what he did in the event jail interruppts college. The ass. dean has taken him under her wing and to help provide him structure and hope- he works for her during the day and goes to college seminars. He also has enrolled in outpatient extensive therapy in which he goes twice a week.

It is important to him to pay us back for the lawyer. He wants to return to his job but come right home after it. It is in a 5 star restaurant. However he has admitted many of the servers etc that he hangs out with goes drinking afterwards.

I am torn between he is going to have to learn to live in a society that is around alcohol and steer away from it as well as face his financial obligation but yet wondering if it is asking for trouble to work in a place that makes money on alcohol.

He is going to have to face his legal obligations( which he should) as well as work on getting better. WE are just trying to figure out this job thing.
any thoughts?
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Old 10-14-2006, 08:13 AM
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Personally I would advise against the restaurant job. It's true that he is going to have to live in a world where alcohol is available. It's also true that he needs to take financial responsibility for his actions. What he doesn't have to do is set himself up by returning to an environment where he hung out before. There are plenty of jobs out there that don't involve being around alcohol. Also, it's important to change your people, places and things especially in the early days and I don't believe that returning to his drinking buddies is the way to do this. I learned firsthand about what happens when you try to return to your "normal" environment. It bought me 28 more days of h*ll drinking. Not worth it.

Hugs,
Kellye
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Old 10-14-2006, 08:46 AM
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I would advise against the job as well. If i'm fat and just realized it, the donut shop is not the best place for me to be. I know one day I will have to live in a world full of donuts, but I'd be careful until I learned some skills and developed stronger convictions on how to look at a donut and not salivate. If he identifies this as a potential problem, he sould find other work. I don't think he should start off by acting against his better judgement. In time, he'll learn how to deal with temptation. I also think you have to consdier that you will always be looking at retrospect. If he started drinking with those folks at the restaurant again, you all might regret him taking that job, because you identified a potential problem with it before he ever started.
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Old 10-14-2006, 10:46 AM
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First, JoeRyan Let me say welcome to SR!! You have found a great site!!!!!!

He also has enrolled in outpatient extensive therapy i
My personal feelings on this are, this is whom he should be discussing this with, the therapist will know where he is at in his recovery and if he can manage working at the restaurant or not. Only he and the therapist know for sure, lol.

am torn between he is going to have to learn to live in a society that is around alcohol and steer away from it as well as face his financial obligation but yet wondering if it is asking for trouble to work in a place that makes money on alcohol.
I understand your concern as a parent, however, this is NOT YOUR DECISION TO MAKE. This young man must make his own decisions. This is where Al-anon helps us so much. Yes, we worry, yes we want to get in there and stir the pot (and control, rofl) but........................it's HIS RECOVERY. I know it's hard not to 'guide' but ...................your young man, yes he is considered an adult, has to do this one on his own, and..............will get a whole lot of self worth out of whatever he decides, because he made the decision.

You know, I have been sober a long time now, and in alanon a long time also. As a practicing alkie I was a great manipulator, however, as a sober co-dependent I was also a GREAT MANIPULATOR, roflmao. Al-anon, much more than AA showed me how to keep my own sandbox clean and stay out of everybody elses. rofl...............sure has made my life less stressful lmao

J M H O

Love and hugs,
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Old 10-14-2006, 04:36 PM
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Hi Joeryan24!
I have been in your situation.... many, many times with my son. What Laurie said is true about it being up to him to decide. Until he decides what he wants, it might not even matter where or with whom he works with.
What the others have shared about old 'people, places and things' is also true- but my son could and would find new 'people, places and things' when he wanted to use. Us knowing what is right for the alcoholic is not enough for them to change.

My problem was trying to fix my son, to figure out for him what he needed to figure out for himself. I never recognized the degree of my problem until things escalated with him to a point of his doing time in jail. Even after that he still chose to use and is in jail again now.

This site is all about recovery- for all of us, not just the alcoholic or drug addict. I am so glad you found us here at SR and look forward to seeing you around this forum. There are alot of great people here who care.
If you haven't gone yet, it is recommended to try at least 6 Alanon meetings. There is much to learn about alcoholism both here and at face to face meetings too.
Again, Welcome to SR
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Old 10-14-2006, 04:38 PM
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I agree with laurie it his his decision to make. My AH got addicted to pain pills while waiting tables in a resturant. He was already an A.
He went to rehab, has been clean 9months and is back waiting tables at a higher class resturant. He says serving the booze dosen't bother him. But the other day he came home and said "I knew it was going to happen sooner or later." I said "what happend'? He said " another waiter approched me and asked if I wanted to buy some vicodin." His reply " I just went through 30 days of rehab..please don't approach me again."
This guy was very respectful and has not said a word to him since.
Serving alcohol don't bother him but he admits the feeling of temptation is there when it comes to the pills.
I would like to see him find another job yesterday but it's not up to me. He knows whats best for him and his recovery and if he is truly serious about not using again he will A-fight the temptation or B-find a new job. I'm not worried, he's the one who should be worried. It's amazing to me that the resturant business is full of pill pushers, pot dealers etc. Not a good place for a recovering addict to work IMHO.
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Old 10-17-2006, 04:57 PM
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Thanks- good advise and update

I am letting my son make his own choices- and although it is hard- it has to be his choice. When he asks my opinion- I voice it.
I do agree- my son has been in many different environments and can find a way to get in trouble in any of them
He told me the reason the restaurant business attracts so many "dope and drinkingi heads" is it is one of the few places you can make good money(tips) and not have drug testing. So now I know. And the restaurant owners just want to pay cheap help- they don't care if you do drugs as long as it doesn't impact their business
His head appears to be screwed on straighter than it has been in the past after getting in trouble. He actually is doing things to want to change- cut his hair short, got nice clothes, is working in the dean's office as well as the restaurant, enjoyed golfing with his dad instead of sitting around and drinking.
He was honest with me and said he doubts he will go the rest of his life without ever drinking- he hopes to be able to control it. I told him I don't think it works that way -but not sure as I never drank. He is doing outpatient counseling on his own free will and enjoys discussing things with the physcatrist . At this point- I am taking one day at a time and going on with my life( not worry free- but not obsessed with worrying about him) I did the best I could and provided the best support I can.

Thanks all
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