Recovery vs. temporary cessation of drinking
 

Hello all. How typical is it for an alcoholic to stop drinking for several months? Every time I decide that my marriage is completely over and all that needs to be done is to file divorce papers, my AH stops binging and comes back from the dead, so to speak. He looks for work, behaves like a human being, plays with our daughter...Despite my own admonitions, I've allowed him to stay in my apartment until he leaves town for his new job, and truth be told, it has been great to have another adult in the house to cook dinners, take care of our toddler and such. It is so easy to assume that this normalcy will last forever and he is finally serious about sobriety. My experience tells me that he will return to drinking. That's the bottom line, but my heart so wants to believe that we will finally have a family. I feel like I cannot relax, I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop, especially now that he is in my house. So, how do you know when an alcoholic actually means it? Or do they mean it every time they promise sobriety and are just unable to follow through?

My A stopped drinking for 4 months this spring/summer. I believe he meant it at the time and told me quite often how good he was feeling without the hangovers. He was eating at least 2 meals a day and he was handling anger well.

Then came the little signs. He sometimes complained that I was trying to change him. Then I was "keeping him from all the things he liked to do". Denied that what he liked to do was drink and troll ***** chat rooms. He made up things like TV shows that I didn't like to watch (but I let him watch anyways without arguing) and got really upset when I put on headphones to listen to my music so I wouldn't interrupt his country music. Just basically blaming me for stopping what he REALLY wanted to do which was get drunk.

Do I believe he was serious about quitting? Sure he was until the thought of drinking was so overwhelming that he felt he had no other choice. And without a program I'm sure if he ever finds sobriety again he will repeat the same pattern.

Hi an'ka,
My son's 'typical' period of sobriety was two months for quite awhile. Whether living at home or in the halfway house.... he would come up to that time, and within a matter of days and go right back to square one...or worse.
He lived that way for several years.
The only way I can know that is by the action I see sustained over a much longer period of time than two months.
cmc

The alcoholic in my life is my daughter. In the begining I expected her to quit drinking and go the full sobriety route all the way. She has not been able to do that, but because she attends AA meetings a few times a week, and goes to a counsellor, she is moving ahead and things seem to be better with her.

Instead of drinking every night, she drinks about once a month. The terrible frightening episodes and crisis events are much reduced. I haven't had to rush to the hospital in months.

Basically, this approach is called "harm reduction". Even if the alcoholic cannot seem to attain full sobriety right off, a few months will go a long way to cleaning up his brain, his liver, his body, etc... Perhaps he is not getting full sobriety as fast as you would like, but if there is a reduction in his drinking, it might be better than nothing for now.

By the way, I believe that full sobriety is the ultimate goal for all alcoholics, I just think that some of them take a while to get there.

Besides not drinking - what other actions is he doing to move through the issues in his life?

AA, therapy?

Recovery is not just about cessation of drinking - it is learning new behaviors to replace the old destructive ways of living or looking at life.