Beatup

Do you all notice that, it's not the alcohol or drugs, it's the bad attitude of our spouse?

I've been in AA forever it seems like. And the first thing I learned is that alcohol was just the symptom. It was my outlook and attitude that had to be changed.

My wife stops once in a while or only has a "few" glasses of wine. So she thinks everything is fine.

But it's the attitude of a "dry" drunk. I can't get it thru her head that it's not about the alcohol.

Oh well , I feel that I have lost my wife. It's very deppressing and sad on top of everything else I'm dealing with.

Do you all get lonely? It gets so lonely around here, even though she can be in the next room. Because there is no more intamacy at all.

It's wierd having a wife and you can't talk or share anything. It's so sad.

She thinks nothing is wrong!! That is what I find unbelievable. She thinks it's all my fault because I'm sick. And I have a bad attitude!!

I'm jumping all over the place in this thread. Sorry. I'm just very deppressed, and losing hope. I really don't see anything getting better.

I can't believe inspite of everything going on in my life I haven't gone nuts.

Well, for those of you in the same boat, I feel for you.

smoke gets in my eyes

Hello Beatup.

Hmmm. Sorta. If Dino was pleasant and didn't lie and take my money when he was using, all I would have had to be upset about was the fact that he was killing a lovable, honorable person. Somehow I think it still would bug me.

But I think I know what you mean, and you've hit on a big point. Alcoholism is usually more than just physical addiction to alcohol. Unless a user addresses the issues that brought them to alcohol or drugs in the first place, abstinence alone probably isn't going to turn them into a bright shiny penny.

If you've been in AA awhile you know that all you can do is keep working on you. If the situation is intolerable, you don't have to stay in it. But only you know when enough is enough.

Hugs,
Smoke

Gabe

feeling alone when you're in the same room with a person. And I agree that taking the alcohol out of the equation is not all that is needed to fix the problem. As for bad attitudes, the entire time I lived with my ex alcoholic husband, everything was "my fault" and I was "the problem".
Try to keep the faith. I know it's hard when you hit a rough patch.
Peace,
Gabe

Beatup

Hi Smoke and Gabe. Thanks for replying.

Smoke.........I would have left a long time ago, but I can't.

Like I said , in earlier post, I'm sick and unable to work. So I'm really stuck.

My wife knows this also, so she can treat me any way she wants to and knows I can't go anywhere.

I've been trying for yrs to get Disablility, but that is a whole other nightmare.

I really need that so that I won't stave if she decides to kick me out.

whoops , i gotta run she's coming.............help

crystalstarr55

hi all im having the same problem with a loved one but its my mother. i myself am a recovering addict a little over 4 years ,and now i get to watch another addict suffer.my mother is living with me right now ,because shes not emotionaly stable. she just got out of the mental ward a month ago.shes bipolor and a IV meth user. shes been clean since shes been out ,but her moods suck!like right now for the last 3 days shes been laying on my couch ,hasnt showered,hardly eaten or moved.

her sponser called her and is making her go to a meeting with her. thank god!all shes been doing is sitting around whinning about how everythings boring,life sucks blah blah blah.i feel like she is being extremly ungrateful. i mean she lives here free! everything is free for her. i mean im responisable for her right now basically. they relessed her to me ,but im not sure i can handle her.

i feel bad though because at one point it was the other way around .. i acted like her when i was using... i just want a mom.. i dont like having to be hers.sorry i just needed to dump..maybe i dont have enough compassion. i dont know.i really relate to the feeling alone thing too. she acts like she has no feelings ,like shes a lifeless doll.no emotion.like shes not even there.its sad and i feel rather angery about it.

SandyW

Boy, you all hit it dead center. The "A"'s and Addicts can abstain, but when the "tude" doesn't change....yikes.

I've been feeling disoriented all week and could not come in touch with it. I went to my Ala-non meeting last night and the topic was "Kindness, Courtesy and Respect". Hmmmm.....I thought, do I need to hear this? I always hear something that hits home.

The "A" claims he has 60 days in. I don't check around, don't ask, I go by what I see. He does attend AA meetings, however, claims he cannot get the concept of HP. I learned many many years ago to work my own program and not their's. My ex was also a practicing "A".......still drinking. He claimed he didn't have a problem. Some never do get help. I'm finding it to be more difficult with the attitude, to be kind, courteous and show respect. I relate to everything you all said.

Let's keep on keeping on............

((Hugs))

NoDoubt

I hope the attitiude improves. Today is my husband's birthday. I tried to do things that would make him happy, but his attitude is awful. Although, for the moment he is acting silly with our 5 year old (that will end on a bad note I know - it usually does).

It's kinda funny, but when he gets in a really grumpy mood, he can suddenly change and be all 'silly' with one of the kids. Ohh, but then watch out because then something happens again and he turns into Mr. Hyde.

He was trying not to drink (it began a few weeks ago) but I know he has been drinking (and not telling me). It is killing me not to ask him. I can't detach!! I need to know! AlAnon and these pages have been helping, or at least I thought they were (that was a few weeks when he was doing OK).

I just want to scream!!!! But if I show emotion about his drinking then I am the one with the problem.

Thanks for listening. I really need someone to talk to!!!!

NoDoubt

phab4ever

Dear Beat-up,
Whatever you do don't give up on yourself.I realise you have alot going on in your life,not to mention your wife. A friend of mine is going through the disability stuff,I know how hard that can be.
I understand about the lonliness also,sometimes I don't even feel like I'm married,I feel like a roommate.As if we're just sharing a house.
Not only does my husband have a drinking problem,my twin sons also have problems,but thats a whole other story. But I know what it feels like,theres just too much to handle.Thats when I back up and think about taking care of myself. I can't possibly worry about all these people and problems and stay sane!!
Sorry, I didn't mean to make this about me. Anyway,Please be good to yourself.God Bless You,Karen

Daffodil

Beat;
Not only does loneiness walk in the door with the family disease. but it is one of the first thing I notice when I am not working my program....I have learned that no one can fill that hole in my life but my Higher Power...No it is never easy but your coming here was a God shot by your Higher Power..

You are not alone unless you choose to be.....your wife isn't able to give you what she herself doesn't have..just for today...be the best example of recovery you can be today. It maybe the only recovery she will ever see in action.

My sponsor says, (and she's always right)" Why do you keep going to an apple tree when you want or need peaches?"

You have these boards and hopefully you can find an Al-Anon meeeting in your location of SSSSHHHHH! I have never hear of that location but today would love to find it...

Love in the fellowship~~A~~