katie44

Im new to this site. Recently posted on naranon also. My son is 19 and a drug addict. My spouse is an alcoholic. I just put my mother in a nursing home due to alcoholism. What a family!!! my son says he's clean his actions speak otherwise. My spouse says he doesn't have a problem. He only gets drunk once a week. He is the one who drinks to get drunk and is very irresponsible when drinking. last week his 3rd DUI, so I have been carting him around. I'm sure he will hire some fancy lawyer to get him off again. I have finally had enough I can't explain it. I do know my sons addiction has been a major decision factor. My husband thinks its normal not to come home over nite or two nites because hes drunk hes doing my son and I a favour because the rehab said it was not a healthy enviroment for our son to be around a drinker. He also compares drugs vs alcohol. Alcohol has never made him steal etc. He also claims rehab centres cause people to go in to depression once there out if they relapse, or causes them to commit suicide. What an idiot! I need to put some things in order financially etc. We own a business together, also just are in the midst of moving to a new home. I cant explain it I just look at him and he makes me sick. All he cares about is money, and his buddies in his spare time. I have had it with addicts!!!! I can not listen to any more excuses, or sit bymyself on my birthdays, broken promises. He doesnt even think the marriage is in trouble, at this point he thinks all the stress is caused from our son. I cant believe I would venture in to a new home and all this financial burden with him. I do need help because I am becoming just as ill as they are. I love my son, and I truly believe my spouse is a deterrent to him. Can you believe when my son got out of rehab he took him to a casino. I suppose its the only way he knows how to connect to his son. I know he loves him but still. going through a rehab program my son has had to come to terms with things that bother him one anger at his father for not being around when he was smaller.My husband always said he wasnt home because of business truth is he was pissed in some bar.I lied for him one big vicious cycle. Now it has all come to the forefront and my spouse says all that counselling is crap the reason he is an addict is because he tried drugs that simple.
I truly feel i am headed for a breakdown if I dont leave, truth is I am so confused I dont even know if I love my husband anymore. It will be one major nasty seperation because thats the way it is with him money, money money.
As for my son I just dont know anymore, he has to work his program.
the problem is I am worried about him over this decision, and I also have another child away right now at school. She will be in shock she is close with her dad.
Is it normal just one day to look at them and think is this it? Not to mention he is always miserable unless he is drinking. From the time he gets up until bed he complains about everything and everyone. its like having the life drained from you being with him. Im glad he got the DUI, maybe people will be safer on the the roads. I also hopes the lawyer doesnt get him off. At some time he has to face the music. Just venting today. I am tired of pretending to be a lovely little family. Because we work together I have covered for him many times, Im even sick of working together. Truly this man gets everyone else to do his work for him while he golf or entertains customers with booze. When he does come to work he tries to cram a 5 day work week in to one. he thinks hes running his own business. Could it be the staff and myself behind him.

Pick-a-name

(((katie44)))
Wow! Thanks for the post. I have heard that is how it goes....that one day you just get sick and tired of being sick and tired. (I hope it comes soon for me; I am close.) I am sure there are lots of folks who will be along that can speak directly to that issue.

You sound like your head is on right.

Glad you are here and hope you stick around.

Zoey

katie, Welcome to this site. I feel we let you slip through the cracks, happens but not often, so don't give up on us.

Have you gone to Al-anon or Nar-Anon? Have you read all the stickies?

In the sticky section look under books and tell us how many you have read, as knowlege helps most.

Keep coming back. Big ((HUGS))

denny57

welcome, katie

Not so long ago I was in your situation. Life can get better. It does get better. It happened for me when I took the focus off the alcoholic and put it on me. Al-Anon, therapy, open AA meetings, reading both sides, etc.

Today I really understand the saying: nothing changes until something changes. That something which has to change is: ME

gypsyrose

Welcome to SR. I can relate to what you're feeling. I don' know how much more I can take of AH. Something has to change. The only thing keeping me hanging on is knowing that after Christmas, I'll be leaving for the Winter to ski with my boys. They're going to be on a ski team this year.

I hope you find a way to make the changes you need to be happy.

wish4someday

Welcome Katie (((((( katie44 )))))))
What you've described is exactly what happened to me. I was lied to soooo many times and he took advantage of me sooooo many times I couldn't live with it anymore. I stopped being in love with him. I still care for him but I no longer thing it's my responsibility to watch out for him. I took some time to get myself in order finance wise and mental wise and I'm moving on. The thing is every situation is different so we can only share what we went through and you can use it, absorb it and make your own decision based on your factors. Listen to your heart. . . it will tell you what to do.

Cynay

Welcome to SR.... we are glad you found us and no your not alone in your struggles.

Im sorry your going through all this.... that is how it happened for me, one day the lightbulb just went off... I listened to what he said and his actions and just realized how sick he was....

Prior to this I attended al-anon (did not want too) and had quite a bit of theaphy under my belt... One of the books that really opened my eyes to the progression of the disease was "Under the influence" and the largest factor in understanding the alcoholic himself was going to open AA and listening to recovering Alcoholics and what they thought at the time... how there lives were and what they see now.... Its pretty amazing.

Not that it was easy ... it was not by any streach of the imagination.... but life is too short. I would say not to listen to your heart, not if your heart is full of emotions like mine is .... Unfortunally my perception of what "is" or "should be" is warped... that is part of my disease. In using my recovery tools most often it feels uncomfortable because Im use to/ programed to accept the unacceptable.... so I have to keep remembering what it was and playing the tape in my head to the end.... I have to listen to my head.

One thing that I keep repeating over and over is .... How would I feel if my daughter was going through it... would it be good enough for her? If not then it is not good enough for me.

I look forward to getting to know you.... stick around and read all you can.

findinggrace

i feel the same way and have only been married two years and have two children. it's so sad, for my kids and to be alone. i would give anything to have a happy family with a mom and dad.