Hurting Inside

So we went to go see my mom tonight in the hospital. Theres not really much to say, but it was weird because she was actually sober and we actually had a conversation together. She said sorry for everything. I think that shes serious this time about recovery. but i dunno. She knows how to say things you wanna hear. yesterday my dad, grandma, and grandpa all took her down there.

I try so hard to forgive her for everything, but i always find it so hard and always find another reason to get mad at her. Having her not home, its so quiet and peaceful. No stress. This is how life should be. My dad kept asking me question and ideas he had for her when shes out of detox. And he kept asking me if that is a good choice. I didnt know what to say. I hate this, for some reason im like blocking this whole situation out. I can think about it for hours and hours. But talking about it is so hard and i just cant say anything.


after school yesterday, i called my friend and she heard my dad talking and shes like why is your dad home? and i said cause he took my mom somewhere. shes said where and i said someplace good for her. She started freaking out and wanting me to tell her where and finaly i told her why. And she said that her step-dad had a problem too, not a big one but he drinks like every weekend and gets really drunk. We talked for hours about everything. And she said how can your mom be an alcoholic? you guys are rich. I was so speechless after she said that. She tried talking about it, but nothing she said made sense. She starts making crap out of AA and i start freaking out on her. She says this stupid joke about it. and i hang up on her. She doesnt understand. I should have never even told her.

Im trying to understand alcoholism and im learning something new each day.

Thanks to everyone here, I have learned so much. Thank you so much

Take Care,

Ash

kermit

Ash I hate that you are going thru this. Have you gone to alateen? It would be so good for you. Please go. My heart goes out to you

TexasGirl

Hi there, Ash,
There are a lot of misconceptions and stereotypes about alcoholism and who it affects. Those very stereotypes helped me not see the truth about my husband for quite some time. Your friend might not understand the situation the way you do. Maybe she can learn from you since she's facing something similar. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Take care,
TG

StrongR2Day

Your friend probably doesn't understand, the best you can do, if you want, is to educate her.

Don't be hard on yourself for whatever emotions you are having, you're bound to be on an emotional roller coaster right now. It may even last awhile, until you have a better idea what direction your mom's recovery is taking. Early recovery is sometimes as hard on the families as the drinking days were. There's lots of uncertainty and fear attached to it, and after the loved one has stayed sober awhile, a lot of changes often take place.

Any chance you can have a sit down with your dad and talk about what's going on with you? I was wondering, are his questions stressing you out? I know they would have me, when I was a teen and my mom got out of treatment many, many years ago. That was about a hundred years ago (I'm her age now!), but I can still remember it like it was yesterday.

I did want to share that, though it was her 3rd or 4th time in detox, my mom did finally stay sober until she died. This was the one she wasn't fighting, begging and pleading to get out of, she was finally ready. I'm wishing that for you and your mom.

I'm glad you're writing here, feel free to send a PM if you ever want to talk.

Hugs~

cwohio

((ashley)) what TG said is so true. there are so many that don't/didn't know about alcoholism (myself included). your friend probably got uncomfortable about the discussion and that was her way of dealing with the pain of her situation maybe. don't write her off - it's good you talked to her - maybe some things you said to her will stay with her.

what kind of questions and ideas was your dad asking?

denny57

Hi Ash

Try to hit another meeting soon. Forgiveness is a process, it probably won't happen suddenly because your mom gets sober. Take good care of yourself and keep learning all you can. You are awesome.

Ayers1995

Hope things go well for your mom in recovery!!

mallowcup

It isnt a secret , it is an illness. Your friend sounds uninformed and maybe just a little immature. You impress me as being very mature for your age. Hey, you forgive causiously, nothing wrong with that. Your feelings should be taken seriously. Your forgiveness should be taken seriously. I know your dad is putting alot on you. It is nice he respects your input. Maybe he's just trying to see if you think your mom should come home or go to a rehab. Maybe that would be best. Her being in the hosptial is giving you and your dad a bit of a break. Maybe she should be in a place where drinking is not an option. I think the doctors will ultimately help your dad figure that out. I think he's just thinking out loud. It does sound like he really respects your opinion.

Hurting Inside

just an update---my mom is now out of detox but she went into a residential place in the hospital (i think thats what it is called.) but anyways now she will go to meetings in the hospital, and go out of the hospital for AA meetings.
shes doing really good.

Take Care,
Ashley

denny57

great news, ash!

How are you doing?

Hurting Inside

Im doing okay. I feel like crap though. I havent eaten for a while (20 hours or so). So much stress and i hate it. My dad is not helping at all either. Hes such a messy person and wont clean up after himslef and so i freaking out on him and he freaks on me. so i go jogging. I feel like a failure and i cant impress anyone or do anything right. Im glad we don't have school today though. Gives me time to reflect.

For some reason, Im starting to miss my mom, And i hate the feeling cause when im around her or visiting her at the hospital, i get all mad and i just want to leave. I have been finding myslef wanting to be alone all the time. But i push myslef to go to movie with a friend or call someone.

This is totally off topic but One thing i have been worrying about, is that i come on here and rent and complain about things and there are people who are going through alot worse and i cant get the nerve to post anything or give any advice. I guess i just think that no one really wants advice from a 16 yr old.

Take care,
Ashley

cwohio

oh ashley dear - i have learned so much from you and your posts and "rants". this place doesn't have a rule that you have to have the "worst" situation to post. i'm glad your mom is doing the in-house meetings. you need to take care of yourself and eat. it's good you use jogging as an outlet when you are frustrated and it's also good that you have pushed yourself to go out. lots of us tend to isolate and that's not a healthy way to deal.

keep posting - you are teaching me alot!!!!!

denny57

Ashley, you would be surprised - you don't have to give advice - just venting and putting your life out there can help people in ways you never imagined.

Have you thought about hooking up at another meeting and/or calling people you met there? Your emotions are normal for what you're going through, especially the part about feeling like a failure. Your family's going through a pretty rough time, so freaking out on each other sounds about right. You can get some help for that, though. How about talking to your counselor when you go back to school?

Keep posting here as much as you want. Letting it out has helped me enormously.

How about making yourself some breakfast/lunch now?

(((ash)))

best

Ashley

I have learned many things from teenagers. I have even learned things from 5 year olds or 12 year olds. Age has nothing to do with wisdom. You are a very smart young lady. If you feel you have something that can help another... post away if you want. Each post we reply to may help the person we reply to and it may help then many who show up and just read as well.
I have a saying I use from time to time... learn from other peoples' mistakes because we don't live long enough to make them all ourself.
If I can help another not make the same mistakes I have made, I am helping another not go through the pain of such a mistake.

cmc

Ashley,
Here are the things you are doing right:
1.You recognize the need to vent and then you vent and are honest about yourself... that is huge.
2.You speak the truth to your dad about his mess....and then when he won't comply or try to compromise or work things out.... you go out for a jog. This is excellent in that you are detaching from the situation and doing something positive for yourself.
3.Taking time to reflect.
4.When frustrated you 'push yourself' to go out with friends...again this is good recovery as you are taking the focus off of your mom, who you can't control, and putting it on you... going out with friends instead of isolating.
5.You empathize with others who 'are going through alot worse' and that is another sign of good recovery.... caring for others.

I am older than you - I have 3 adult children, and when I read your posts I learn from you...not about all that you are struggling with, but by seeing what you are doing that is helpful in your own situation.
I learn from you and you learn from me...that is how I see things. I am so glad that you share with us and please don't think that your age is a negative thing. Many times older people need to hear something from a newcomer or a younger person... who has a fresh perspective on things. I would suggest you reply to as many posts as you care to....
I for one, will be interested in what you have to say.
cmc

Hurting Inside

You guys are all so right. You can learn things from younger kids all the time. My sisters teach me alot. Ill try my best to post on some of the threads .

I did eat, Applesauce and a banana. its not much but its enough. Im thinking about maybe going to go eat something else, but i dunno. i already had that applesauce and banana. well thats all.

Take Care Everyone,
Ashley

BigSis

Hey sweetie... all any of us can do is share :

Our EXPERIENCE... it's mine, and you may get something from it.

Our STRENGTH... each of us knows the specific things that helped us.

Our HOPE... I know I can have hope...and sharing my hopes is an ok thing, too.

So... if you share your ESH, you will be just fine.

((((Ashley))))

PS - Ash, I am 50 years old and my mom quit drinking over 25 years ago.... but it took a few years for us to figure out our new "roles"... because while she was drinking, I did a lot of the Mom stuff. Then when she quit, I wasn't sure where I stood. It was rough sometimes, but given enough TIME, it worked out.

Now days, I've learned when I can identify what I need, I can pray for it. In that case back then, perhaps it would have been good for me to pray for patience and to pray for understanding.

(((hugs)))