robina

Today I ratted out a co-worker's drinking, and although at the time I felt like it was the right thing to do, now I feel guilty. Did I do the right thing? Please give me the straight goods on this, because I'm confused right now.

This person has had one DUI conviction since I have known him, and he has exhibited erratic and negative behaviour on the job for years, a lot of which has been aimed at me. I have heard different people in the community gossip about his drinking, but I ignored all of that... until today.

I had noticed alcohol on his breath one morning back in the spring, but I chose to ignore it at that time.

This morning I walked in the room and I smelled alcohol immediately and I made a snap decision to tell our supervisor, which I did.

The supervisor said he was glad I had reported it, because he had spoken to this person and smelled something also, and my report simply added validity to what he had noticed himself.

Despite everything, I think my co-worker is a good person and in no way would I want him to get in trouble, but neither could I tolerate working around someone who smelled of alcohol. It was triggering some bad feelings in me.

Did I do the right thing?

I would really appreciate feedback on this.

mallowcup

I'm so sorry you were put in this position. You did the right thing, you had a responsibiity to tell. Most peopke jobs and judgement efect other peoples lives. I don't want someone drunk managing my money, my health, my insurances, etc. Since we don't know where to draw the lines, we don't know if we are hypersensative, it's better to be safe than sorry. HIs drinking would not only effect his work, it would effect yours.

Pick-a-name

Yes..you did the right thing!!!! (Wish when someone finally reported my AH that he had gotten more than a wink and a slap on the wrist...just fed his denial,but oh,well)

Best thing for all...hope your co-worker can get the help he needs!

robina

that helps to remove some of the guilt, thanks :-)

mallowcup

I was just about to say that his wife is probably at home writing on this board about her husbands drinking.

Pick-a-name

Yes...and she is probably thrilled he finally has someone else with some clout that might get him to go into treatment! (I know I would be thrilled!!)

Actually, in some jobs. if you know a co-worker is having a problem and fail to report it, you can get into trouble yourself...look at what's going on in Congress this week...

Minx1969

I probably would do the same.

well..I know that I've called the police recently on people (I don't know) drunk driving...

A few times I've had drunk drivers cut me off etc on the highway or on the streets. so i call the police and give them their license plate number.

What happens after that is not up to me.

mallowcup

We have a nurse who drinks bottled water. She has her own bottle. It is a regular bottled water that she reuses.? I thought this was wierd. Why wouldn't you just chuck the empty and open a new one? No one seemed to realize it was the same bottle. The defining characteristic is that she keeps a braided key chain wrapped around the neck of the bottle so that no one gets it confused. Someone moved her bottle once and she was just a bit tooooooo upset about it. She was in a panic searching for the bottle. HELLO! This nurse is 80 pounds wringing wet. She can't work days becasue she isn't a morning person. I've heard that people drink vodlka because you can't smell it. I don't know becasue I can't smell it. ha! But anyway, I am almost certain she is drinking at work. I don't know it, so I haven't said anything. I do watch her.

robina

I've worked with the man for many years, and he is a good person, but now that I realize he is an alcoholic, I can understand where a lot of his negative and erratic behaviour is coming from.

Part of what drove me to report that I smelled alcohol on him is that he might be motivated to seek treatment if his job requires it.

A few weeks ago, he had what could have been a terrible "accident" (there was no vehicle involved). I remember thinking when I heard about his accident: "I'm sure he was probably drinking at the time".

I feel bad for him.

I hate this terrible disease of alcoholism.

I'm so glad I was able to share this here, because so many people just don't have a clue when it comes to alcoholism, so I knew I would not be able to speak about it to anyone.

To a certain degree, I still feel like I have betrayed him. I know that is not logical, but I feel it anyway.

Pick-a-name

I felt that way,too when we had a family intervention. I am guessing this man will probably also be given choices about what he wants to do. It is all about boundaries (but I do know the feeling). For me, part of it was my own denial and enabling behavior that made me feel "mean". Truthfully; this man (and my AH) probably have been given many,many passes on their behavior before anyone considered mentioning it...JMHO.

Don't be so hard on yourself............you are probably a tool from his HP!

robina

yes, I suspect that this is triggering my co-dependent tendencies in a big way.

I seem to be surrounded by alooholics in my life right now.

Unlike them, however, I don't have the option of drinking myself into oblivion - I actually have to feel my pain.

....sorry for the self pitying rant! :-)

miss communicat

Robina,

Yes, you definitely did the right thing, but I can totally relate to how it made you feel afterwards. Its a drag to be in that position sometimes, but like everyone else has said, you are helping him address his condition. I'm sorry it had to be your turn to do it today!

If he chooses not to seek help or make changes, at least you have taken responsibilty for the welfare of others by alerting his/your supervisor of the problem. Regardless of the nature of his job, there is no place for inebriation while on a payroll, or handling responsibilities in any capacity. This is not a grey zone issue to me.

Pick-a-name

(((Robina))) completely understandable you might feel his way, but you DID do the right thing.

He gets the consequences for his actions.

I know the reason why he would go to work smelling of alcohol as an active alcoholoc are different,but truthfully...you wouldn't think of going into work after you've been drinking and not expect someone to say something to you about it,would you? I'm sure you would not do that for any number of reasons;one is because it is inappropriate behavior when you are being paid to do a job. Your co-worker violated that standard,so it is not surprising that there is a consequence for that.

Maybe this guy isn't even drinking at work...maybe very toxic and in need of medical attention....

Obviously there is some problem going on with him that is impacting the people he works with and it needs to be addressed. Sorry it feel on your shoulders...but seems your boss feels the same way and now feels more confident in addressing this man.

ritabee

My A still reeks of booze the next morning, even after a shower. If he was THAT drunk the night before that he still smells the next day it can't be out of his system yet. I always wondered when my A was working (he had a job where he supervised other workers, often leaning over their shoulders to assist) how the other workers and bosses either didn't smell it on him or chose to ignore it.

He was obviously VERY hungover or still drunk. If you smelled it on him you did the right thing to report him. I wish someone had reported my A when this happened. He eventually lost his job anyways which resulted in a period of sobriety. Too little too late in his case though.

robina

wow, thank you all so very much.

My codependent nature was blinding me to the real issue - it's just plain wrong to come into work smelling of booze.

And yes, it would be unthinkable for me to do that, so why am I so willing to tolerate it in someone else? :-)

Thanks for the clear thinking and good advice my friends!

elizabeth1979

Robina, I am just curious...was his job performance affecting yours?

Was his drinking on the job endangering you or others? Was the terrible accident involving anyone else?

How is this not controling? Im asking because if it was your daughter or someone close to you and this statement was made, I think the responses would be different.


Its wrong for me, and sounds like its plain wrong for you, but my recovery is not about defining right and wrong behavior for other adults.

These are just my thoughts and no ill will meant Robina

jimhere

I am not so sure what is meant by "triggering bad feelings in me." But as a recovered alcoholic, I don't tolerate drinking on my crews. Not because it triggers anything in me, but because it endangers lives, both of co-workers and the public, not to mention the person themselves.

My boss gave me the uncomfortable task of driving someone home after they had been fired for missing to many days and failing a drug test. My job was to make sure company property was returned, but I think my boss knew that I might do a little twelfth-step work on the way.

jimhere

I might also add that I would never call anyone on the carpet because their behavior brought up bad feelings in me. That sounds like a problem to looked at in a fourth step.

embraced2000

hello robina.....we have all been there....mixed feelings to our reactions....guilt....needing confirmation about our choices because we have been so confused for so long that sometimes we don't have trust in our own decisions. what was right for you may not have been what was right for someone else.....and vice versa. when i find myself in these quandries, i examine my motives, meditate, explore my intent of the decision that i made, and ask myself over and over again.....is it any of my business?????

for example, with my beloved alcoholic ex-husband, i would call his sponsor if he had acted out.....call the police.....call his family....call my friends....sound the alarms over and over. my al-anon family gently showed me that i was trying to control him, and not working on myself...that i was interfering.....that it was possible that i was even kinda hooked on the drama...which really pissed me off.....after all, who in their right might would want this kind of life??????

anyway, my point here is that you have to do what is right for you, and if you have doubts about your decisions, think them over, talk about them with others........and wait. our higher power will always tell us what is right if we only listen. after much much much practice, i found that my knee-jerk reactions often are associated with the pain of living with alcoholism, and when i waited to make those spur of the moment decisions, the outcome was usually different than what i would have initially done.

and remember......you are not alone.

god bless
jeri

robina

We work in a public job, and have daily contact with young people. Was his job performance affecting mine? Most certainly - he has done many nasty, mean, thoughtless things over the years that have affected my job performance negatively. Oddly enough, I never took that personally or held it against him because I believe he is a good person at heart. To this day I still consider him to be a friend, which is part of the reason I am so bothered and conflicted about this. It hurts to see him like this. It hurts that I have to watch him being destroyed by his drinking. It bothers me that I have to pick up a lot of slack at work because he is less and less able to cope.

Was his drinking on the job endangering anyone? No immediate physical danger - it's not that kind of job.

Was the terrible accident involving anyone else? No - he was the only one hurt, and it was not a work accident.


yes, part of the reason why I am bothered is that I see my own actions as problematic. I appreciate the points you make.

However, in the days since I reported him, I am becomming more at peace with what I did. I don't think anybody in a workplace needs to be exposed to drunken co-workers, even if it is only a co-worker who comes in smelling strongly of booze first thing in the morning.

The first time it happened in the spring I chose to ignore it. This time, I decided to do something. How long should I have continued to ignore it? I don't know. I don't have the luxury of moral certainty in this situation.

Anyway, thanks for your questions.