Ayers1995

I can post today b/c he went to work.. will check in periodically.

Last night AH came home and was in a bad mood most of the evening. Typical of all week really, sulking pretty much, until it was bedtime and he wanted to be lovey. NO thanks.... So then he started nit picking about being an inconvenience and I said I was really tired of hearing crap like that.... So then he started questioning me about some guy friends that I have and am I throwing myself at them.... are they my lovers and he's going to go to their house and yada yada yada.... I explained that I have alot of friends and that was all this person was and that just b/c their are problems with us doesn't mean it's b/c I'm looking or fooling around as he accused.

I told him that I only asked 4 things of him when I moved back home. No drinking, Take no for an answer, No porn and do more with the kids. He's done none of those since May when I moved back in. He tells me that he has a right to drink his job is stressful and if there is a problem with it to F'n bad.

SO.... I reply that I am moving out.

I told him every angle of him giving the kids medicine was WRONG. That they could be taken away, that he is very obsessed with me and everyone is concerned. He admitted that he never thought of the 'what if's' on the kids and that it was wrong.

I told him that I am not happy. I'm not making him happy. Yet, he is now begging me to give it until Thanksgiving. To please work on it. He says that he is only obsessive b/c I don't give him attention and he'd like to hear from me in the morning on my way to work, at lunch and sometime after that just to say hello. If I do those things, he would not obsess over me.

I found myself being an idiot and consoling him while he's crying.
Why am I so easy to get to??

Now he's sending me notes :

I apologize for being Jealous your so wonderful of a soul not too be jealous over!!
please lets talk more I do need you no doubt I hope you need me too along with our kids as a family
Yes I want to make it work and it can I just need some attention
I am not a psycho I am yes madly in love

please be patient don't leave now. hell don't leave ever,

I poured myself to you

I LOVE YOU

Help me see things for what they are! Sorry this is so long.

spring

A healthy relationship is based on choice not need. Would he be with you if he didn't "need" you? Have you heard this all before?
Did you staying change anything before?
Can you really find happiness with someone you're with out of pity?
Are your "needs" being met? Are your children's?

These are some things I'd ponder.

You're soft hearted because your human.

pmaslan

What are you trying to see here? It is clear to me, and it is nothing new
all of what you have written you have said before...over and over again.

denny57

I agree with Patty. I'm sorry, Ayers, I'm tapped out. I saw things as they were when I was ready to.

Good luck and much love.

Ayers1995

Well, I came here to see the facts... as being pointed out to me.

I trust people and opinions on this board. At this moment I am an emotional wreck and I don't trust my own feelings and emotions about things. As I rightfully shouldn't because I end up back sliding on what I feel is right for me and the boys.

I've told my husband that I was moving out only twice. The first time I moved out. And then last night.... and have the intentions of being strong enough to follow through with it.

So Confused

I feel every bit of your pain. It is not easy, Iknow they seems to have this obsessiona nd that we are fooling around with someone else. I too was appproached with that for the 6,000 time Finally I rea;ized as I responded would I go through all of this crap if there was someone else Any person in their right mind would be with the other person a lot of pain to not get caught. Valid point I thought. Anyway I know how confusing it is. I am still working on it to. Best wishes
SC

pmaslan

So Ayers let me ask you something, since your H is at work today
and you have time to yourself, what are you doing for yourself today?

Ayers1995

Yesterday I started going through my house and putting things that are important to me in some plastic containers that I've had in a closet. I don't have the desire for much that is here at the house besides my nick-nack things...

I also have called a few storage places to get an idea of how much a little storage unit might be. We don't have ANY money right now, I had to borrow money from my very good friend yesterday for groceries...(had to pay my car so they wouldn't take it and leave me stranded so I used ALL MY savings) Soo.. I"m sort of at a stand still on actually being able to get a storage place. IN the meantime, I can gather and put in kids closets...

He's on his 7 13's for about 6 weeks, so I will have some time to myself today and tomorrow...

So I'm burning music for ME... Evanescence "Call me when you're sober" is awesome and thinking over things and deciding what's important.

pmaslan

Holy smokes he is working those kind of hours and for the last 6 weeks
and you work ....and there is no money......
I don't know what kind of mortgage you have but yikes!!!!
Where is all the cash going........
I support myself and 2 boys on my meager salary and child support,
pay bills, mortgage and lots of other incidentals....and I think I
could afford a storage unit if needed...
Don't mean to pry but really have you looked at where the money is
going....everytime you manage to save some you wind up giving it to
your H or paying some over due bills....
Have you considered that this is another form of manipulation on his
part......

Ayers1995

He's just now starting his hours. If you remember he's been taking off work whenever he felt like it over the past few months. That has been a huge part of my frustration. I do realize the money situation... remember he over drew our joint account and ended up w/my check card and used all my savings... I had to start all over again, then my car payment was 2mo past due...and I drew it out on Tuesday. (don't mean to be so out there w/my money to you guys)

I have no idea where the money goes. Truly... we go through a fortune a month, with nothing to show for it. I have $100 dollars till he gets paid on Tuesday for groceries and kids lunch money. Then I get paid again on Friday. (by the way he bought a bottle last night w/o me knowing it on part of that borrowed money) .

I could run out and get a storage unit, and will... but it does'nt hurt to have some things gathered together first, I don't think. My idea was to get the things together and on Monday get the unit while kids were at school and put some stuff in it.

I feel once I am on my own and in control of the money I will be able to make it. He should have to pay a good sum of money monthly for 3 boys. (25% of 100K annual) Plus I make very good money myself. It's definately scary to think about....

pmaslan

It is 32% for three kids here in Illinois.
Sounds like money won't be an issue when you are out on your own
and in control of how it is spent.
How did he get some of the money you borrowed from your very good
friend that was to be used for groceries to buy a bottle? You didn't give
him some did you?

TexasGirl

My husband has told me something very meaningful since I moved out, and I just thought about it when I read Patty's comment and wanted to share it with you guys. He was asking me to come back home because things would be different, and I told him that they never had been different before, so why would they be now? He said, and I quote:

"I never meant it before. I never intended on changing anything. I never planned to actually quit drinking. I was just saying what I needed to say to keep you home."

And then he threw in a, "But this time is different! I actually mean it now! I didn't know you were really serious about leaving." Hmmmmm.....that's interesting for 2 reasons. First of all, for anyone threatening to leave, my husband told me straight up how it's perceived. So keep in mind that doesn't work! Second, for me personally, it's a reminder that if he was capable of saying whatever he needed to say to get his way before, he is capable of it again. Maybe you can glean something out of my ramblings, Ayers.

Ayers1995

Great point TG it's pretty much what my AH told me when I moved out before. I never thought you were serious. Then he did everything in his power to prove -temporarily- that he had changed. ALL LIES

Pmsalan - I guess I should say that I called my friend, but since I needed buns for manwhiches he went and got the money and buns. When he came home he also had a bag w/the bottle. I certainlly wouldn't give him money for that. I haven't bought a bottle of booze either since his birthday in Feb when I thought he'd actually make the choice NOT to drink it.. but that's another story. lol

blizzard77

Ayers,
Just wanted to let you know you're still in my thoughts and prayers. I thinks it's great that you are starting to make some plans. Stick with it so you can follow through and leave. I totally understand the financial part of it but if you want it bad enough you'll do it.

Ayers1995

Thanks!!

Minx1969

Ayers -

No practical words of advice - other then I hope you keep taking those steps out the door...

I understand the whole manipulation thing..My exabf would change "just enough" to keep me hooked..until I figured out as well that he wasn't really serious..

then I was done.

Alanon helped keep me away and from going back..

mallowcup

Well. if he's working 13 hours a day, he's going to have trouble fiting in the drinking. At this point, I'd use every minute of time to your advantage. I'd journal the terms of your returning, the work he;s missed, the dtinking he's done and the time he hasn't soent with you and the kids. I'd also write the dates you've borrowed money, the account balance on this date last year and the account balances this year. You have a strong case to have him removed. You don't have to leave. Here's the thing, you don't need to face him or be there. When you are ready to make your move, the Judge can have him served with an order of protection. Giving the kids medication to sedate them is plenty. You can do all of this without him knowing, he can be served the papers when you and the kids are out. A police officer will serve them and give him time to collect his things, then he will escort him out. they will let you know when the papers will be served. This man is losing his mind. His poccessiveness is scarey. You can move out but I wouldn't say another word about it. Shame on him for buying that bottle. You can't work 13 hours a day and drink. He'll either quit or show up hung over and get fired.

jojo

Ayers -

Where in his notes does he say he will quit drinking? We can't make you leave him/make him leave. We can't make the decision for you. We can support you and offer suggestions on how to do it, but only you can actual do what needs to be done. What do you think it will take for you to take that step? Did you make that call that MG suggested?

Jo

mallowcup

With him working these hours at east you'll have some time to think aobut all fo this clearly. It's hard to think when he's sitting in the same room. I hope this time will bring clarity and strength to your thinking.

gelfling

(((((Ayers)))))