He's moving to Colorado...........................
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by kermit
All I keep thinking Is "how dare he walk away'
(((((kermit)))))
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
No, the time for quetions has past. the time for statements has come. I'd go to the county court and file for support asap. He may not be moving anywhere. New starts happen after old business is taken care of. The courts have some fabulaous ways of creating incentive for him to meet his responsibilites. He is making decsions based on options he doesn't have. Hey pal, you have kids that like to eat. In NY, you pay or you go to jail. I have always been very satified with my counties interventions on my kids behalf. Get support set up through your county court, not a big deal and it leaves him to answer to the court and not you. Not all these big plans he's making are going to happen on his terms. He can move to Timbucktoo on what he has left AFTER he pays for his kids. I wouldn't say a word to him. In a few weeks you can be sitting there without a support check or with one. What doesnt' go to your kids will go for another round.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Originally Posted by kermit
I want to ask him "what the hell is wrong with you?" The ? here is , do I? There are so many things going on in my head I just would like some answers.
Do I ask him?
Do I ask him?
I have to tell you that when my ex-fiancee and I broke up he moved to
PA. Many many miles from Chicago. I was very grateful. That meant
I wouldn't run into him in the small town I live in. Having said that, I
do have to say that if we had children together I might feel differently.
Hard to say not being in that situation.
When Pigs Fly
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
Okay, I already have a court order.if he doesn't work I can't get money.. I'm trying not to count on it. I'm trying to make enough money to make our lives work with out him.On wendsday next week my attorney and I are putting it all to gether and she is going to court.
I don't care so much about the money, yes he needs to pay but I'm more worried about my kids. They don't know Dad doesn't give me money, okay maybe the 16yr old but the 2 little guys just see him as dad. I never talk bad about him all I tellthem Is that Daddy loves them, and truthfully when they do see Dad once a week they are in better moods. This is what bothers me, not money.. I can make it... I can't give my kids there Dad every saturday now and that bothers me.
I want to say stay here get help, and love your children like I know you can.
I don't care so much about the money, yes he needs to pay but I'm more worried about my kids. They don't know Dad doesn't give me money, okay maybe the 16yr old but the 2 little guys just see him as dad. I never talk bad about him all I tellthem Is that Daddy loves them, and truthfully when they do see Dad once a week they are in better moods. This is what bothers me, not money.. I can make it... I can't give my kids there Dad every saturday now and that bothers me.
I want to say stay here get help, and love your children like I know you can.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Originally Posted by kermit
I want to say stay here get help, and love your children like I know you can.
(((Kermit)))
If he was thinking differnetly, if he was able to think clearly he would do
that...right now he can't......
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
My ex tried that. "I don't have a job and if you put me in jail, I won't be able to find a job at all." They said too bad, you are going to jail. You aren't getting the money anyway. They do their time and have more incentive to be less particular with their employment options.They refered his to an agency that would find him work.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NC
Posts: 240
((((((((kermit))))
The kids will be ok and probably better off in the long run. My AH moved away from his children after his divorce, they were 5 and 2 at the time. The marriage was bad......real bad. They were young when they married and partied too much, had affairs on eachother etc. etc. I am very close to his xw, probably because I'm so close to my step kids. Sarah Beth is now 16 and Allen is 13 and both have mentioned, only since AH has stopped drinking that they are glad their parents divorced. Sarah remembers the chaos and remembers being afraid most of the time when they were fighting. They were wittness to his drinking 4 times a year and even then I tried to shelter them from it to some extent but educated them as well about the disease of alcoholism. They both know they are geneticly predisposed to devloping alcoholism and by the grace of God so far they are both doing well. My AH used to be very close to them that is until he quit drinking. He's ashamed of the pain, destruction and heartache he has caused his children, his xwife and her husband, me and every one else who has been victim to the disease. The kids are doing very well. Sarah is a straight A student in college (AP courses) has purchased her first car on her own by working all this past summer and 4 nights a week. Allen is active in sports, does so so in school but that's just him. When they do come which has been about 4 times a year, it's obvious that Sarah misses her dad a lot. She's a daddys girl big-time. She's always snuggling with him on the couch or sitting on his lap. She thinks the sun rises and sets on him but she has a realistic view of him and is able to separate him from the disease. She's a smart and resilient girl. I'm not sure where Allen stands other than the fact that he wouldn't consider coming to visit us if I wasn't here ( when he was drinking). You'd think his ex would be thinking what comes around goes around but she isn't. She calls at least monthly to see how he's/we're doing. She tells me to tell him she's forgiven him a long time ago, so stop beating himself up over a past he can not change. Now that he's sober he is able to see clearly all of the pain and destruction his alcoholism has caused and since he can't self medicated he's become a depressed, self-hating human being. It's truely sad to see. My point in all of this I guess is that the kids were better off not having to live with his active alcoholism. I'm not saying ours haven't been affected by his absence but they've adjusted. AH is the one who suffers the most because of his choice to leave. He can't separate himself and the disease and the poor choices he made while actively drinking/using.
The kids will be fine, your soon to be xah will be the one to suffer the consequences of his decison if he ever does sober up and even if he don't. They still suffer the consequences, they just drink the pain of their actions away. Hang in there.IMHO.
The kids will be ok and probably better off in the long run. My AH moved away from his children after his divorce, they were 5 and 2 at the time. The marriage was bad......real bad. They were young when they married and partied too much, had affairs on eachother etc. etc. I am very close to his xw, probably because I'm so close to my step kids. Sarah Beth is now 16 and Allen is 13 and both have mentioned, only since AH has stopped drinking that they are glad their parents divorced. Sarah remembers the chaos and remembers being afraid most of the time when they were fighting. They were wittness to his drinking 4 times a year and even then I tried to shelter them from it to some extent but educated them as well about the disease of alcoholism. They both know they are geneticly predisposed to devloping alcoholism and by the grace of God so far they are both doing well. My AH used to be very close to them that is until he quit drinking. He's ashamed of the pain, destruction and heartache he has caused his children, his xwife and her husband, me and every one else who has been victim to the disease. The kids are doing very well. Sarah is a straight A student in college (AP courses) has purchased her first car on her own by working all this past summer and 4 nights a week. Allen is active in sports, does so so in school but that's just him. When they do come which has been about 4 times a year, it's obvious that Sarah misses her dad a lot. She's a daddys girl big-time. She's always snuggling with him on the couch or sitting on his lap. She thinks the sun rises and sets on him but she has a realistic view of him and is able to separate him from the disease. She's a smart and resilient girl. I'm not sure where Allen stands other than the fact that he wouldn't consider coming to visit us if I wasn't here ( when he was drinking). You'd think his ex would be thinking what comes around goes around but she isn't. She calls at least monthly to see how he's/we're doing. She tells me to tell him she's forgiven him a long time ago, so stop beating himself up over a past he can not change. Now that he's sober he is able to see clearly all of the pain and destruction his alcoholism has caused and since he can't self medicated he's become a depressed, self-hating human being. It's truely sad to see. My point in all of this I guess is that the kids were better off not having to live with his active alcoholism. I'm not saying ours haven't been affected by his absence but they've adjusted. AH is the one who suffers the most because of his choice to leave. He can't separate himself and the disease and the poor choices he made while actively drinking/using.
The kids will be fine, your soon to be xah will be the one to suffer the consequences of his decison if he ever does sober up and even if he don't. They still suffer the consequences, they just drink the pain of their actions away. Hang in there.IMHO.
When Pigs Fly
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
blizz, wow thanks for sharing that, it gives me so much hope, he didn't come over yesturday because I had way to much to do , so today is the day. Your story will help me get through it. I son't think I can thank you enough.
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by Ayers1995
I'd say I'm pretty awesome too. Just kidding.
haha...I had to read Kermit's response a few times (esp. since your post was right there,Ayers...)
p.s. I am sure you ARE awesome,too!
Both of you.
Kermit: keeping you in my prayers. Yoo too, Ayers.
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